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We all have a need for attention. It’s in our nature. We all long to be understood, supported, loved and accepted. So it is not wrong at all to ask for your partner’s attention. But asking for too much attention does more harm than good.
In a new relationship, it is quite normal to ask for a lot of attention. Everything is exciting, thrilling and you can’t wait to see each other again. You start the day with a “good morning” message to restart the app contact for the day. During the day, the texting doesn’t stop. You share what you are doing, how your workday is going and when the day is almost over, you are excited about what is to come: “ I can’t wait to see you again later! ”
This is repeated day in, day out and you are completely happy with how things are going. Even if your partner is away for the evening, you continue to text to know where he or she is. With whom. And what they are doing. But then comes the surprise: your partner thinks you’re asking for too much attention.
If your partner talks about it to others, or if you hear others talking about it, it often goes like this:
“Ugh, she wants so much attention. She texts me all the time and always wants to know where I am.”
“Ugh, he won’t leave me alone. It’s crazy. He wants to be together every moment.”
The details of these conversations differ, but the message is the same. Seeking too much attention is a bad habit. Attention-seeking partners are spoken of with disdain. But how do you know you’re asking for too much attention?
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Am I asking for too much attention?
A healthy relationship should make you happy. It makes you feel good about yourself and your life. But it’s not all roses and moonlight. Sometimes you feel insecure in the relationship , anxious and need reassurance.
If this happens occasionally, it strengthens the relationship and gives your partner the opportunity to be there for you. If it happens too often, and turns into an unhealthy behavior pattern, it can lead to stress and jealousy – until your partner feels suffocated. And that’s when you’re asking for too much attention. Here are 9 signs you’re asking for too much attention from your partner.
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1. You are in constant contact
Texting your partner is a fun way to let them know you’re thinking of each other. A kiss emoji here and there can lighten a stressful workday. But if your conversation seems one-sided, that’s a strong sign. Does the following sound familiar?
- You always take the initiative.
- You send a new message before the previous message has been answered.
- You send multiple messages in a row without getting a response.
- You wonder what’s going on when you don’t get an answer right away.
- You send more (or longer) messages than your partner.
2. You never miss your partner
You never miss each other… because you are always together. Whatever you do and wherever you are, your partner has to come along. You are never apart for a moment. It is an unhealthy situation when two people cannot maintain independence.
3. You need reassurance
A constant need for reassurance is exhausting. You think you’re “fat and ugly”? Your partner reassures you: “Don’t say that. You’re beautiful!” But no matter how many times your partner tells you that, it’s never enough to reassure you.
4. You feel depressed when you’re apart
Missing each other when you don’t sleep together for one or more days is completely normal. Not dragging yourself to bed crying because you miss your partner. This is a sign that you are asking for and receiving too much attention in your relationship.
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5. You’re going way too fast
Seeking attention in a relationship often has a background of a negative self-image. If you think of yourself as ‘fat and ugly’, you cling to someone who says you are beautiful. With a fear of losing this person, you go faster than what is considered normal.
6. You continue to please your partner (unsolicited).
Even if it is at your own expense, you continue to please. You want your partner’s approval, appreciation and compensate for your “defects” with that. It is not so much about pleasing your partner, but more about not being rejected.
7. You have low self-esteem
You are in a relationship. So you want to spend a lot of time with this person. But you can also spend too much time together so that you lose your own identity. You can become dependent on your partner. If you don’t know who you are and what you would do if the relationship ended today , then you are too dependent.
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8. You claim your partner
Your partner wants a night out with friends. You don’t want that: “You won’t leave me alone, will you?” Thanks to this claiming behavior, you deprive your partner of freedom and give insufficient space. This leads to a suffocating relationship.
9. You are extremely jealous
A healthy form of jealousy in relationships is nothing to worry about. Because your partner means a lot to you, you can (temporarily) get the feeling that you don’t want to miss that in your life. If this jealousy leads to you imposing rules on your partner in contact with others or otherwise controlling them, then this is a form of oppression.
Seeking attention from your partner is not a character flaw. It is a pattern of behavior that occurs when you feel insecure about yourself – something you can work on.
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