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You are a 28-year-old woman who has just completed her master’s degree. After years of going to school, you recently started your first job. One day you have a business meeting and you meet William, a 50-year-old man. You start talking to each other and there is an immediate connection. You are surprised because you notice that you are attracted to someone who is much older than you. And you cannot deny that the feeling is there.
You start to see each other more often and also have contact with each other outside of work. The conversations are wonderful and you love the way he listens to you. You realize that he has so much more life experience than you and that gives you a nice feeling. At the same time, you are also concerned about the large age difference and therefore you wonder whether a relationship could really work. Is the age difference too big or do you give it a fair chance?
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The ideal age difference
If you get butterflies in the stomach from someone who is 22 years older than you, you quickly wonder whether a relationship with this age difference can work. It’s an interesting question: is age just a number or can the age gap make or break a relationship? When is the age difference too great or does love really know no age? Although opinions are divided, scientific research does provide some answers.
According to a 2014 study from Emory University, couples with an age difference of one year have only a three percent chance of divorce. If you increase the age gap to five years, the chance of divorce increases to 18 percent. But the chance of divorce increases even more if the age difference is 10 years or more. A 10-year difference means a 39 percent chance of divorce, while a relationship with a 20-year age difference has a whopping 95 percent chance of ending in divorce.
The researchers analyzed data from more than 3,000 couples for this study. So it was not a small study with a handful of participants. The conclusion of the study was that the greater the age difference between a man and a woman, the greater the chance that they will ever get divorced.
- 1 year difference = 3 percent
- 5 years difference = 18 percent
- 10 years difference = 29 percent
- 20 years difference = 95 percent
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1 year is ideal
The research shows that an age difference of one year is ideal in a love relationship. This age difference significantly reduces the chance of divorce, meaning these couples stay together longer. However, it does not mean that these couples will never divorce. Divorces and relationship breakdowns occur with any age difference, even in relationships where the ages are the same or only one year apart.
Hugo Mialon, one of the people behind the study, noted that the data shows a correlation, but it doesn’t necessarily mean causation. “It could be that couples with a large age difference are, on average, more likely to split for other reasons,” he told The Independent .
Ultimately, the ideal age difference in a relationship depends on several factors, including your personal preferences, norms and values, stage of life and experiences. While some people prefer partners of the same age, others prefer a partner who is several years or even decades older or younger. Age is not the most important thing for most people. It is that they are both comfortable with the relationship and that they have respect, understanding and love for each other.
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Minimum age formula
If you are attracted to younger people, you may wonder what is considered acceptable.
For example, what is an acceptable minimum age if you are 40 years old? When you discuss this question with others, the rule about the age difference will undoubtedly come up. It reads: ‘Your age divided by two plus seven’. Although not an official or legal rule, this rule is often cited to determine the minimum age of a potential partner.
Minimum age: your age / 2 + 7
The age difference rule states that the formula gives you an idea of what is socially acceptable. This should be a socially acceptable minimum age if you would like to date someone of that age. For example, if you are 32 years old, you can date someone over 23 years old without any problems (32 / 2 + 7).
Maximum age formula
But what if you don’t like younger people, but people older than you? Just like for the minimum age for a dating partner, there is also a formula for the maximum age. The formula is used to calculate the maximum age:
Maximum age: your age – 7 x 2
This formula can give you insight into whether someone may be a bit too old for you. For example, if you are 20 years old, the maximum age of a partner would be 26 years. The usefulness of this rule is that you can easily identify which age difference is socially accepted and which is not.
Ages people are searching at
To find out what age difference is desirable for most people, OKCupid’s Christian Rudder conducted research into the ages dating app users are looking for. That research showed that age for singles is not just a number. And there is a difference between men and women who are looking for a partner.
According to Rudder, women are usually looking for men of the same age, or perhaps a year or two older. However, men prefer women in their early twenties, regardless of their own age. The following graphs show this clearly .
How men and women search by age
The research also showed that as a man gets older, he continues to search among his peers. However, the lower limit of the age limit does not increase in the same way. As you can see in the graph, as a man gets older he continues to look for younger women. This is also confirmed by more recent research . As a man ages he simply increases the overall age range.
For example, a 31-year-old man sets a desired age of 22 to 35. He is looking for a suitable partner who is four years older than him or up to nine years younger. This mindset about the appropriate age deteriorates with age. For example, a 42-year-old man will accept a woman up to fifteen years younger, but no more than three years older.
For women it’s a different story. Women at all ages are more likely to look for a man who is older than themselves. They prefer males up to eight years older or younger. For women, the maximum and minimum age increases approximately in proportion to their own age.
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Does age make a difference?
The short answer is yes , but it really varies from relationship to relationship. An age difference can be a problem in a relationship, because it can lead to differences in perspective, life experience and stage of life. These differences can in turn lead to challenges for a relationship, especially if they are not open to each other’s perspectives and needs.
For example, if you are much older than your partner, you may have more life experience and have already achieved many life goals, while your partner is still busy fulfilling ambitions. This can lead to tension if your partner feels wronged or if you become impatient about the time your partner needs to achieve their own goals.
On the other hand, an age difference in a relationship can also have advantages. For example, if you are the older party, you can provide more stability, wisdom, and guidance that your partner can benefit from. Conversely, your younger partner can provide a fresh perspective on life and bring more energy and vitality to the relationship.
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Influence of age
Relationships with an age gap – especially if the difference is significant – can face challenges. These challenges may be related to differences in life stage, perspective and experience, but also to external factors such as social stigma. Outsiders are often quick to make judgments when there is a large age difference between two people. Studies have shown that this is especially true with an age difference of ten years or more.
In a relationship, age doesn’t make a difference, but some essential parts of a relationship are affected by it. What makes a relationship successful is not the age or difference between the partners, but the shared interests, beliefs and values. In addition, other aspects play a role, such as intimacy, trust, support and communication. Although age is not included in this list, it does influence how someone looks at the world and expresses themselves.
While all the basic ingredients for a healthy relationship are present, you may be confronted with different wishes and demands that match each phase of life. The age difference is not the problem, but the view of the future is. This difference can ultimately lead to a rift and the difference in age is only part of the problem.
Studies show that a larger age difference brings more challenges. But these challenges are not necessarily indicative of the success or failure of the relationship. After all, there are many more factors to take into account, which are probably more important than your age.
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