Afraid of Dating? Research Says Dating Anxiety Is ‘Totally Normal’

Dating is inherently a strange situation: two people who don’t know each other, but who might start a relationship. If all goes well, that is. Because anything can happen in this typical situation full of uncertainties.

For singles, it is especially the first date that is terrifying. The fear of being judged, laughed at or rejected gets in the way of a pleasant introduction. Will he show up? Will she like me? What on earth should I say? What if I say too much? Too little? The unnecessary thoughts only add fuel to the fear fire.

Fear of dating

This type of dating anxiety can lead to avoiding new people, but it can also lead to feelings of isolation. You may even have given up hope of finding a suitable partner because of the anxiety. But if you think you are the only one who has this fear of dating, you are wrong.

Dating site Plenty of Fish (POF) conducted research among 2,000 singles to investigate the relationship between anxiety and dating. Everyone knows that the phenomenon exists. But how many people experience strong anxiety before a date? And is everyone insecure about themselves in the run-up to such a meeting? POF’s research provides the definitive answer to the questions we have.

ALSO READ: 114 Best Date Ideas for First, Second and More Dates

Fear is very normal

Anxiety is quite common among singles. When asked if they have ever felt anxious, a whopping 82% indicate that their typical anxiety level ranges from moderate to very high. So there is only a small group of singles who say they do not feel anxious or do not want to admit it.

• 43% moderate
• 24% high
• 15% very high

Women are more likely to be at both ends of the spectrum, reporting very high anxiety levels (16% vs 13%) and very low anxiety levels (4% vs 3%) more often than men.

ALSO READ: Couples Have More in Common Than We Think’

Nerves before the first date

A healthy dose of anxiety before a first date is normal. But it’s even more normal to feel anxious when you meet someone you’re about to explore a romantic connection with. Two-thirds of singles, 67% to be exact, experience nerves that are so intense that they start to feel anxious. In fact, dating beats out these common stressful life events when it comes to anxiety:

• 32% tax return filing
• 28% work
• 27% elections

What is also interesting to know is that 1 in 5 singles has not had a date at all due to the anxiety they feel. Almost a third of singles worry constantly the night before a date (31%) and 26% have lost hours of sleep thinking about an upcoming date. More than a quarter of singles are literally kept awake by thoughts of difficult conversations and endless unknown factors.

Pre-date stress

A date is exciting. But what is often even more exciting are the minutes just before it. The moment you get out of the car to walk to the restaurant with shaking knees or always looking outside when you meet at home: these are the familiar situations in which the palms of your hands and armpits start to sweat. These are the three main moments that cause anxiety in singles:

• Waiting for their date to arrive (30%) – will they show up?
• If they don’t hear anything on the day of the date (21%) – is it still going ahead?
• When they are on their way to the date location (17%) – is there a parking spot?

ALSO READ: Is He The One? Not If He Does These 25 Things

First impression

Dating is incredibly fun when everything goes well, but it also comes with its challenges. One of those challenges is the lack of control. You wonder if your date will like you. What will the conversation be about? When going on a date, 69% of singles are most concerned about how their date will see them, followed by keeping the conversation going (64%) and what their date will look like (64%).

Since the first date is a time of judgment, everyone wants to present themselves at their best. Women are more anxious than men on dates about what they wear (57% vs 51%), who pays the bill (39% vs 29%), and how they look (67% vs 60%). Men, on the other hand, are more likely than women to say they’ve had an anxiety attack on a date (11% vs 8%).

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Relieve the pressure

How can singles reduce the anxiety that comes with a first date? Easy, keep it short and casual. Here are three of the best date ideas that will help singles feel less anxious about their fears:

• A quick coffee date – short and sweet
• A walk outside – or doing something in nature
• An active date – like bowling or mini golf

ALSO READ: 35 Playful Dates to Keep Your Relationship Alive

It’s always tempting to avoid fears, but that doesn’t make things any better. On the contrary, it makes the fear stronger. Facing your fear can feel overwhelming at first, but with practice and the right tools, you can reduce your anxiety over time. The best ways singles deal with their fears include:

• Listening to music (81%)
• Reading (66%)
• Sports (64%)
• Limit alcohol consumption (55%)

Even if the fear persists, it is good to know that 84% of singles say that it is completely normal to have fears. After all, a panic disorder, worrying problem or social anxiety are also quite common. And just as many singles believe that it should be discussed more often. Almost three quarters of singles agree that if others were more open about the subject, they would feel less alone.

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