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In this age of technology, parenting is a bit different than when we didn’t have iPads, smartphones or the internet. Children played outside, did crafts and played card games, for example, to entertain themselves. Today we raise children in a very different way than 20 years ago, but maybe it’s time to go back to basics. Because nowadays children almost automatically get a tablet to entertain themselves. But aren’t we missing something? Psychologists from Harvard University have conducted research into what ensures that you have a ‘well’ raised and adjusted child. They concluded that it contains a number of elements that are actually very basic.
1 .Spend time with your children
It’s a simple suggestion, but we live in difficult times where we always have access to technology, work and we are busy with all kinds of things. It is therefore easy to give your child a tablet or Xbox to keep themselves busy. But really spending time with your children means putting everything aside and reading to them from a book, playing football together, going for a walk or playing an old-fashioned board game. In other words, that you have one-on-one contact with your child. Children will forget everything you bought for them, but they will remember what they did with you.
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2. Speak out loud to your children
According to researchers, most parents and caregivers say that their children are the number 1 priority in their lives, but often this message does not get through to their children.
What is going on in your child’s life? Check regularly with teachers, babysitters or the daycare or daycare center. Know what’s going on. Make sure that your child always dares to come to you to discuss something. Your child needs to hear that he or she is the priority in your life. It’s not enough to give your child things, care for them and keep them safe, they need to hear the words. Spoken words are important to a child. Invite your child to sit with you and share their stories about school, friends, etc. with you.
3. Show your child how to solve problems without stressing about the outcome
One of the great things you can give your child is the ability to analyze things and solve problems. Trust your children and trust that your children can make their own choices. You can’t always solve every problem for your child. It is healthy to let your child experience life for himself.
If you want to raise your child to be an independent adult, it is good to make it clear to your child that he or she can come to you if he or she has problems and that you will guide him or her in making the right choices. It is difficult as a parent to step back and watch when they make a mistake, but just as you have made mistakes and learned from them, your child should be given this space too.
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Rick Weissbourd, one of the researchers, says about the results of the study: “We are hyper focused on the happiness of our children. I was therefore not surprised that happiness is of paramount importance to parents, but I was very surprised that achieving goals and achieving something is also so important to parents.” “Pushing to be successful can have a lot of negative consequences and I think that makes children less happy,” Weissbourd said.
4. Show your children the importance of gratitude regularly
The researchers say that several studies show that people who regularly show their gratitude are often more helpful, generous, empathetic and forgiving and that they are also more likely to be happy and healthy. Parents should give their children chores and when these chores are done it is important to show them gratitude. If they do a job around the house, it is good to acknowledge the work they have done and thank them.
As parents, it is our job to teach our children to be empathetic and compassionate towards others and children learn by example. Show them that not everyone is as blessed as they are, let them see with their own eyes how others are less fortunate than them. By helping others (for example by doing chores around the house) and by showing them that not everything is self-evident, you give them a chance to let them grow into nice adults. This all starts at home with you.
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5. Teach Your Children to See the Bigger Picture
This is an extension of the previous point about gratitude. Let your child experience the world in a way that has compassion for others. Researchers say that almost all children have empathy and care for the small circle of family and friends. Teach your children to be a good listener, to interact with people without the intervention of technology, to be empathetic to people outside their trusted circle and not to judge people based on their appearance or culture.
You are responsible for raising your children. Therefore, help them navigate this world through compassion, love and kindness.
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