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The term love-hate relationship is sometimes used too often. It is not always about the relationship between two people. Someone can also have a love-hate relationship with their work, or even with a device in their home, which sometimes works well and sometimes not.
But generally we speak of a love-hate relationship when two people can’t live with each other, but also can’t live without each other. These kinds of relationships often last a very long time, sometimes too long, because they can have a destructive influence on one or both partners.
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What is a love-hate relationship?
A love-hate relationship usually arises between two people who clash regularly. For example, if both have a short temper, then arguments can arise over the slightest thing. These arguments are often very intense, including shouting, objects that have to pay the price and slamming doors.
But as intense as the argument was, it is often over just as quickly. These types of couples often make a habit of solving a heated argument with sex. After such a lovemaking session there is often nothing left to worry about. Until the next conflict arises.
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How do you end up in such a relationship with your partner?
A love-hate relationship with a partner often develops very gradually. After the first heated argument or disagreement, both partners regret that it got so out of hand and solemnly promise each other that it will not happen again. This is how you often end up in a love-hate relationship unnoticed and unwanted.
In the beginning, you are in love and everything seems fine. Everything about the other person is fun and great, the sex is fantastic and life smiles at you. Only after a while, and that can be after a few years but sometimes also after many years together, cracks slowly appear in that indestructible happiness. Small annoyances increasingly play a role and lead to conflicts.
If these kinds of situations occur more and more often, eventually a pattern of annoyance, arguments and then making up again because breaking up is not an option will develop. This can be very frustrating for both partners and eventually lead to both psychological and physical complaints. But you still love each other very much, so breaking up is not an option.
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What this does to you
Does this look familiar? Then you’re probably wondering what all this does to you. After all, all those disagreements won’t bother you. A tempestuous love-hate relationship can ultimately have far-reaching consequences for your mental well-being.
The constant conflicts with your partner can have a huge impact on how you feel. And here are the possible consequences:
- You can start to ignore yourself to avoid conflicts.
- You can constantly walk on your toes, afraid that it will erupt again.
- You may start to feel ‘less good’ about yourself.
- You may start to doubt yourself and the relationship .
- You may become emotionally unavailable.
- You can develop physical stress complaints.
Many couples who have a love-hate relationship eventually break up because one of them can’t handle it anymore. Sometimes the line between love and hate is crossed so often that it tends towards emotional abuse . But just as often, the couple gets back together, precisely because they can’t live with, but also can’t live without each other.
What can you do if you are in a love-hate relationship?
If you have very regular conflicts with your partner, you can consider relationship therapy. Under the guidance of an independent expert, you can then find out why there are always arguments and irritations and whether they can be removed in some way.
Of course, you can also decide at some point to end the relationship . If a relationship no longer has anything to offer you and you feel like you only have to give and get nothing in return, it might be better to choose yourself and put an end to the unequal relationship .
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When quitting is not an option
In some cases you may want to stop, but that is not possible at the moment. There may be several reasons why a love-hate relationship is forced to continue. This is, for example, the case when a couple does not want or cannot separate for religious reasons. The environment can sometimes have a major say in this. Under pressure from family to avoid the shame of divorce, they decide to stay together.
There may also be business or other interests in not splitting up . A couple who own a business together sometimes choose to stay together unwillingly because breaking up has very far-reaching consequences. Even if a couple lives in a house that is difficult to sell, they are sometimes forced to stay together because there is no financial space to look for something new for either of them.
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It is sustainable, but not for everyone
There are couples who stay together despite their love-hate relationship with death. This used to happen often because a divorce was rarely granted at the time. Often there was no longer a relationship and both largely went their own way. Only appearances were kept up for the outside world.
If there is sufficient space in the marital home, for example for separate bedrooms, such a love-hate relationship can even be reasonably maintained in this way. Often the truth only comes to light when one or both partners have died. In high-placed circles, these types of marriages still occur to this day. But whether you should want that is another question.
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