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If you thought dating was impossible during the corona outbreak, you wasted a few months. While entire sectors were shutting down, it was thought that this would also happen to the dating sector. Because how can you date when social life is completely at a standstill? The opposite is true: online dating has never been so popular.
Dating titans Tinder, Badoo , Bumble and many others have all seen an increase in activity, with more singles than ever signing up for dating apps during the coronavirus pandemic. Tinder, still the number one app in the Netherlands, reported a 10-15% increase in messages sent, while dating app Bumble saw an even bigger increase in messages of 26%. And a recent poll found that 53% of dating app users have used their app more often.
According to Badoo, 85% of users have said they’re open to video dating since the start of COVID-19. Bumble has seen a 97% increase in video chat usage, and all signs point to video calling being here to stay. Where a video call was previously frowned upon by most singles before a face-to-face meeting, it’s now the safest way to date – albeit through a screen.
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Video call as a first date
Virtual dating is now – out of necessity – the solution to a difficult social situation, but soon it might be an extra step that singles take before they meet in real life . And because it might become “normal” to have a video call as a first date, it is smart to work on your skills quickly.
1. Choose the right app
Did you meet on a dating app that doesn’t allow video calling? Then you should switch to another app. The most obvious example is WhatsApp, but that would mean exchanging numbers. Instagram, Facebook and other social media are the next best thing, but FaceTime , Skype and Zoom are also suitable.
Each of these platforms has its pros and cons when it comes to video calling. Whatever you choose, make sure you are familiar with how it works. Try out the features beforehand and test video calling with a friend or acquaintance before going on a virtual date.
Zoom tip: use the ‘Touch Up Your Appearance’ function
Zoom has a great beauty filter for video calls called “Touch Up Your Appearance.” Go to your camera settings to turn it on. 1
2. Turn off your notifications
Are you sharing a screen with your date? For example, because you want to show something to your match? Be smart: temporarily turn off the notifications on your phone. You don’t want your date to be able to read the preview of notifications on your screen. On both iOS and Android devices, these notifications can be turned off.
3. Place the camera in a good location
For some it is obvious, for others not: keep the natural light source on your face. It makes your face stand out better. Also make sure there is no light source behind you, such as a window or bright lamp.
When positioning the camera (or laptop), make sure your shoulders and head are in the frame with the camera lens at or slightly above eye level. This is a natural position to talk to someone. It mimics the situation where you are making eye contact and sitting across from each other.
4. Find the best angle
Before you start the video call, first move your head up and down in a yes/no motion. Find the position that shows your face from the best angle. Combine this with moving the light source so that your face is shown to its best advantage. Also, don’t forget to lift your head enough. Your chin will thank you for it.
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5. Pay attention to body language
Compared to voice calls (or just calling), video calls have a number of advantages. On camera, you get to see the real version of the person you met online – not the perfected version you see in photos. You see what they look like, how they dress and, importantly, their body language.
Of course, this also works the other way around. Unless you cover your camera with tape, your matches will see your body language too. Good posture exudes confidence – like a straight back. Bad posture does the opposite – like slouching.
Pro tip: Mirror your date’s body language
It makes the person unconsciously more relaxed and comfortable in the conversation. According to research, it seems as if you can more easily take on emotions and therefore better empathize with the other person.
6. Pay attention to the surroundings
On camera you get to see the person themselves, their body language and in some cases also (part of) the house of this person. Is it neat and tidy or are you dealing with a slob? Are there empty chip bags and cigarette butts everywhere or could you eat off the floor? The environment in which someone lives tells you a lot about how the other person lives.
So don’t just stare at a nice smile, but also look at what is (literally) behind the person. And when it comes to your own environment: clean the space or use a virtual background.
7. Wear earplugs
If you have wireless earbuds, use them. Relying on your laptop’s built-in speaker can result in a garbled conversation with broken sentences and miscommunication. Or you may not even realize it, but your voice is being distorted by the microphone and transmitted with an unpleasant echo.
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8. Tell your housemates to be quiet
Whether it’s your kids screaming through everything or a drunk roommate, it’s rude to let others interrupt your date. Even if it’s a virtual meeting, it’s still an “official” date. It’s annoying, but it can also create the impression that you’re living a chaotic life when that’s not necessarily the case.
9. Don’t go outside
For a first video call, a virtual outdoor tour of your neighborhood is not the best choice. Traffic noise, barking dogs, screaming children, wind and other disruptive background noises can make the call messy. Either they get confused by the interruptions, it becomes difficult for them to concentrate on what you are saying – or they don’t hear you at all.
10. Make a cheat sheet
No… we’re not in school anymore. But since it’s possible during a video call, you can use a cheat sheet for the tricky moments in the conversation. Write down a few questions in advance, keep the dating profile open on your laptop (or PC) or just write down a few topics such as shared interests. Just make sure the cheat sheet doesn’t suddenly appear and definitely don’t turn it into an interview.
11. Dress to impress
While a video call isn’t all that special in itself, a virtual date is . Are you still lying on the couch in your sweatpants or are you still wearing your panda onesie? Then you can imagine what kind of impression you’re making. Or do you think half an outfit is enough? Better safe than sorry and put on some decent pants too. Because what if you have to get up for the doorbell…
Treat your video call first date like a real first date: make a lasting first impression. Here are some ideas:
- Brush your teeth.
- Iron your clothes.
- Wear clean clothes.
- Do your hair right.
- Shave or put on makeup.
In addition, it is important to realize that the video call is not a fashion show . So don’t wear clothes that distract from yourself. You should shine , not your clothes. So no big logos that distract, complicated slogans or fluorescent colors.
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12. Don’t look at yourself
Of course it’s tempting to watch yourself during a video call, but it’s not really helpful. Every time you admire that little screen of yourself, you break eye contact. And that’s distracting. If you can’t resist the urge to watch yourself, make the image of yourself as small as possible or turn it off.
13. Keep a glass of drink handy
It’s all well and good that your video call has already lasted almost an hour. But if you’ve had the floor for a long time, you’ll be craving a glass of water after 60 minutes. And if you don’t have anything to drink, the conversation can lose its charm after a long drinking break. If only you had a glass of water ready…
Talking with a dry mouth and a sore throat from the dryness is not nice. Desperately craving water while listening to someone is not nice either. Especially not when you don’t want to interrupt that person. For all these situations it helps to have a glass of drink ready, just in case …
14. Eat beforehand
There’s nothing more unattractive than watching someone eat. Whether it’s a healthy sandwich or a microwave meal that you spoon out of the plastic packaging, this is not the time. Eating or chewing gum during a video call is rude. End the call if your desire for food is greater than an interesting conversation with your date. Or be smart: eat beforehand.
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15. Resist the urge to fidget
Are you prone to fidgeting with a pen when you ’re nervous ? Make sure nothing is within reach. Just as fidgeting in real life distracts from the conversation, so does it on a video call. The annoying, repetitive movements on camera are just as distracting as they are in person.
Video calling as a first date is new to most singles. Before the pandemic, dating apps were pushing for it, but the video calling trend had yet to really take off. Now, it’s not cafes that are the first-date hotspots, but video dating apps .
As a single person, you are forced to have video calls, while most singles still feel a bit uncomfortable with it. And if you don’t have the necessary experience with it yet, these tips will help you to make it a bit more your own.
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