Share This Article
D
He is no longer with his wife, but he is also not making sure that the divorce is finalized. In other words, even though you meet with him and want to start a relationship, he remains bound to his marriage and does not want a divorce. What now?
Discussions about divorce can sometimes be very difficult. Maybe he wants to divorce, but communication between him and his partner is difficult. Who knows, he may be worried about the effect of the divorce on the financial situation or on the children. All of this can make it impossible to finalize this divorce.
Of course, it’s incredibly annoying if you’re dating this guy. But maybe the guy you’re seeing doesn’t want to divorce his wife at all – and you’re nothing more than a bonus. Who’s to say he’s not just having a secret affair with you? We’ll tell you more about the facts you’ll face when dating a committed man who doesn’t want a divorce.
ALSO READ: 35 Playful Dates to Keep Your Relationship Alive
“He said he was getting a divorce”
Dating is exciting and fun: you get to know each other better and do lots of fun activities together. However, it is not all roses and moonshine. When you start dating, there are a lot of uncertainties involved.
Does he like you as much as you like him? Do you see a future together? And in this case, will he really leave his wife for you? As you can imagine, dating only gets harder when the man you’re dating is officially committed to someone else. He’s great and you’re madly in love, but… he’s not divorced yet.
At first it seemed like everything was set in motion and the divorce was almost finalized, but after a few months there is still no divorce. He said it was just a few signatures, but it has been going on for months now. And then you start to worry. You would like the whole situation to be finalized.
While you have high hopes that you will build a future with this man, you can almost certainly assume that he is still in contact with his “ex”. Maybe they have children together, he still comes to family events or they still have to arrange a lot of things together for the divorce. The good hope you have can quickly turn into false hope. Because maybe he will remain connected to his wife forever.
ALSO READ: One-Sided Relationship? 22 Signs It’s Coming from One Side
The current situation will not get you anywhere
If you meet a man who is not yet divorced, the current state of affairs can be quite vague. Perhaps the divorce is almost finalized, or the end of the procedure is not yet in sight. It is also possible that he says that the divorce is almost finalized, but that it has not actually started yet. Or one of you does not accept the divorce.
Since you have no way of knowing whether he is telling the truth about the real status of the divorce, you are taking a huge risk by dating this man. Dating a man who just won’t get divorced can be incredibly hard and painful – because it can lead to major disappointment.
In other words, the situation you are in now probably won’t get you anywhere. You can’t change the procedure and have to trust that everything will turn out fine.
ALSO READ: Is He The One? Not If He Does These 25 Things
5 things you need to know
When a man says he’s not divorced yet, you have a choice at that point: do you take the risk or do you play it safe? If you were to ask a relationship counselor , they would advise against dating a man who has been divorced for less than a year, let alone a man who hasn’t even dissolved his marriage.
Now, you might say that you have no say in the matter, and that it wasn’t your choice that you fell in love with him, but that’s not entirely true. You can significantly reduce the risks to your mental health by not dating this man – as hard as that may be. If you’ve gone ahead with it anyway, here are 5 painful facts you need to face.
1. He may not want a divorce at all
Even though he may say he really wants a divorce and talk about how awful he is about what is still stuck in his marriage, it doesn’t necessarily mean he wants a divorce. He may say he is going to divorce, but he may not be planning on doing so.
There are many factors that could influence him to stay married. This could be a more favorable financial situation, an emotional connection with her or her family, children, or other benefits that marriage has to offer. Perhaps he has different priorities than you would expect and a divorce – and a future with you – is not one of them.
2. He just wants an extramarital affair
Unfortunately, some men are not honest: a truth that is not unfamiliar to anyone. Maybe you are dating a man who says he is getting a divorce so he can cheat without asking difficult questions. You trust the man you just met, who you think is getting a divorce, but in the meantime he betrays that trust. He does not want to start a real relationship with you, he only wants an affair . There is a risk that he will lie to you and make you believe in something that will never happen.
ALSO READ: Couples Have More in Common Than We Think’
3. You can’t force him to do anything
Even if he promised you that he would divorce, you have no guarantee that the marriage will actually be dissolved. You cannot check it, it is not yet written down, but you will have to trust him on his word. He is the one who has to take the step to get a divorce. If he keeps postponing it, and keeps ignoring the divorce process, then you cannot force him to do anything. You have no power over the situation and therefore you cannot change anything.
4. You must give up your control
As explained above, you actually have no power over the situation and therefore you give up control. You are dependent on him and his choices and waiting is the only thing you can do. Of course, this is a terrible situation to be in. And if it lasts too long, it is a gruelling and emotionally difficult period. Of course you hope that everything will turn out well, but unfortunately this is not always the case.
5. You only have one means of pressure
Unfortunately, you have almost no power over the situation and you really only have one means of pressure: leave him and give him this as an ultimatum. If you tell him that he has to be separated by a certain date, you really have to mean it. He has to know that you are really leaving him, otherwise he knows that he can do almost anything and that you will still stay with him.
ALSO READ: 114 Best Date Ideas for First, Second and More Dates
How should you deal with it?
Sometimes you both really want the divorce to be finalized, but there is nothing you can do to speed up the process. Some divorces can take years. You will have to decide for yourself if you think it is worth it. That is why it is often smarter to avoid this emotional drama altogether.
What’s smart? Don’t date committed men who are still in the process of getting divorced; that’s the only way to avoid these problems. He’s not the only man in the world, so instead find a nice man who’s single – and you don’t have to go through all this drama.
P.S. Are you already following Gistinger.com on Facebook , Instagram and Twitter?