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Figuring out what to do on a first date is easier than actually being there. Almost everyone feels nervous during a first meeting. There are so many things to think about. And if you’re like most people, one of the biggest concerns is the conversation. What to say? What topics to discuss? And what to do when the conversation stalls?
For every date, a good conversation – no matter how nervous you are – determines whether or not there will be a second date. With the pressure, many singles are afraid that they will black out and not know what to say. Others are afraid that they will say too much, which will make them dominate the conversation.
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How much to reveal on a first date?
The date conversation does give you the chance to share your personal qualities, but you don’t want to reveal too much. Why that is not so smart, as many already think, is confirmed by recent research published in the journal Psychological Science .
How well you can judge someone else, such as a new classmate, is usually associated with better relationships. According to previous studies, it leads to more interaction with and liking for the other person. And if others can judge you better, they are more likely to like you. But first dates are different. Because then the opposite applies: the better your date can judge you, the more it can reduce romantic interest.
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Less is more
To test this, Canadian researchers from McGill University conducted an experiment with two speed dating sessions. In total, 569 participants participated and had 4,256 speed dates. What the researchers discovered was not surprising at first. The positive impressions that the participants had of the conversation partners were related to the romantic interest. What was striking? That there was much less interest in the conversation partners who could be accurately estimated.
In those who were easy to assess and who also had personalities that were considered less attractive, there was even less interest—particularly in those who scored low on extraversion. In short, the researchers suggest, being able to accurately assess your personality often goes hand in hand with less romantic interest.
When it comes to how much to reveal about yourself on a first date, less is more. The advice to not reveal too much on a date to leave the other person wanting more? That doesn’t seem to be entirely unfounded.
The researchers say it could actually boost interest, which could lead to the “pleasure of uncertainty.” Because if you find it hard to gauge someone else, you’re likely to think about them more. And that, in turn, could spark romantic interest.
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