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When you manage to get a phone number from your match (or your match yours), your heart can jump. Texting can be so exciting in the beginning stages. You smile when you get a good morning text in the morning , and throughout the day you keep each other updated on how your day is going. You text day and night, sometimes until 3am, even though you have to work the next day. It feels… real.
When your new lover starts sharing flirty messages and casual selfies, it seems like a first date is inevitable. You even start to miss them a little when you don’t get a response to your last text for three hours. But then things start to get confusing. Despite the daily texts, sweet words and the almost tangible connection, your digital lover just doesn’t want to meet up.
Somehow, the other person never gets around to making plans for a first date. You try to meet up, but the other person keeps putting you off. Too busy at work, no time, a busy schedule or the other person doesn’t know you ‘well enough’. Or even worse: they don’t respond to your proposal to meet at all. What now?
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Texting, but not meeting up
Dating apps have made it easier to connect with people. In many ways, that’s a good thing: they can be a great way to meet people. But they can also cause problems when the goals don’t align. Because in some cases, people say they have the intention to date, but in reality, they never do.
If you’re wondering why the other person hasn’t asked you out yet and is evasive about every suggestion you make, you can assume that it will remain an app relationship – a virtual app contact that will never become more than that.
It may be a bit harsh and direct, but in fact you are nothing more than an app buddy who is ready as a personal assistant. The best sign to confirm that this is you is when you are constantly worrying about things like:
- “He texts me every day, but he doesn’t ask me out.”
- “She does text me, but she always responds curtly.”
- “He dodges questions and hints to plan a date.”
- “Why doesn’t he ask me out?”
It’s a pattern that’s all too common in modern dating culture. An annoying pattern when you’ve invested a significant amount of time into a connection that’s going nowhere.
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What now?
There’s no point in complaining about it – it happens, no matter what. What does work is taking action. You wouldn’t sit in a restaurant every day if you never got anything to eat, would you? Or the other way around: if your match never cooks, would you want him or her to take over the kitchen?
1. Take the initiative
For some reason, there is a noticeable shift among men these days where a part of them thinks that women should be allowed to take the initiative sometimes . As a result, fewer men are not taking that necessary first step – the step to change texting to dating and ask the woman out. In order not to make the feminist part of dating more complicated than it already is: take the initiative yourself. Make an unambiguous offer and demand an immediate response.
“Let’s see if we make the same jokes in real life. Coffee on Friday?”
The same goes for men: take the initiative, make a concrete proposal to meet and set the date. If she cancels the date more than once, don’t reschedule the date – say goodbye.
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2. Stop one-sided conversations
Do you find yourself being the one who is “carrying” the conversation? If after several chat sessions you are the only one asking questions or keeping the conversation going , that is your cue to stop. Stop asking questions, just see what happens when you make a casual comment. Or stop responding altogether and wait for the other person to initiate. This is the make-or-break moment to gauge genuine interest.
3. Don’t let yourself be led along any longer
Does your match happen to have yet another emergency when you’re scheduled to meet up? If there’s one thing MTV’s Catfish taught us, it’s that canceling dates at the last minute is usually a bad sign. Yes, your match might actually be in the hospital. And yes, you might have another deadline at work. But if your match can’t make time to date, then your match doesn’t have time for a relationship. Don’t leave yourself waiting for someone who will never be ready.
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4. Stop wasting time
The most important thing to do is to make sure that you are not wasting your valuable time on someone who doesn’t show enough interest in you. If you want a chat buddy, you should sign up for a pen pal, because that is essentially what you are left with if you never meet up. You want someone who is there for you in real life, right? Someone who you can cuddle in the evenings? You shouldn’t settle for anything less. Someone who wastes your time by never meeting up with you is simply not worth your time.
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