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Dating apps have had a huge impact on the way singles meet each other. In the pre-dating-app era, singles mainly met through friends and while going out. But that has completely changed, because meeting online – including through dating apps – is now the main way people meet each other.
Part of the appeal of dating apps is their simplicity: you can create a profile in minutes, and within that same time frame, you’re already swiping and matching. It’s exciting and hopeful. But it’s also emotionally draining and frustrating.
Despite all the benefits dating apps bring, such as a million-dollar supply of singles at your fingertips, using dating apps takes time and effort. Messages sent that go unanswered, repeat conversations, and promising chats that never lead to a meeting. What seemed easy at first often turns out to be emotional torture later on. And all of this can lead to date fatigue for some people.
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What is date fatigue?
Mark feels like he keeps meeting the same woman on dating apps. A woman who initially shows interest, but ultimately doesn’t meet up with him. While he does feel a connection, or at least is open to a date, the women he matches with don’t seem to want to. The recurring rejections make it hard for Mark, who is on the verge of giving up on love . But because he wants to find someone, he sticks around on the apps anyway. The experience has left Mark with a feeling that people call “date fatigue.”
The “easiest way” to meet people turns out to be a laborious and uncertain way to start relationships. While the possibilities seem endless at first, people get frustrated and exhausted by the attention, patience and resilience required. And that’s why some people experience dating fatigue.
Dating fatigue, or date fatigue, isn’t just any old fatigue. It’s not the feeling of being exhausted after a long day of construction. It’s an emotional fatigue that people can experience when using dating apps. They’re tired of endlessly scrolling and swiping through potential matches that appear to be available on the apps but aren’t. They’ve become frustrated with the apps’ matching methods, the time they spend swiping online, and especially when compared to the limited time they spend actually dating.
Dating fatigue can manifest as an attitude of indifference, boredom, depressed feelings, or thinking you’re ready to give up on love. Some people experience date fatigue after just a few dates, others experience it after a few years of online dating. And some people never experience this particular form of fatigue. Whether and when you experience it depends largely on your expectations, how you deal with rejection, and how you take care of your emotional state.
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More choice, more dates?
Thanks to dating apps, you have more options than ever before. But more choice is not always better; in the case of dating, it is probably worse, as confirmed by scientific research. For example, online platforms offer more opportunities to find a partner, but people are still more likely to be single. According to researchers at Tilburg University, this is partly due to a rejection mentality : the constant access to a virtually unlimited number of potential partners makes people more pessimistic and rejecting.
The research shows that dating app users are overwhelmed by the many options. After the first swipe of a session, subsequent candidates are increasingly rejected. Compared to the first swipe of a session, the chance of rejection during the last swipe is 27% higher. In other words: the more you swipe, the more pessimistic you become about the offer and the more people you reject. It’s one of the reasons why people find dating frustrating , come to hate the process and eventually become date-fatigued.
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5 Signs You’re Tired of Dating
The passive rejections and painful disappointments can take their toll, leading to dating fatigue. It’s a common occurrence in the app-based dating world, and there are a few signs you can look for that you’re experiencing dating fatigue.
1. You are indifferent
Her interests? Or his hobbies? You ask, but you don’t care. It feels like you’re not even emotionally present in the conversation. To your conversation partner, you seem disinterested, distant , and maybe even rude. If you were to look back on the conversation later, you wouldn’t even remember what you and your match said.
2. You’ve become cynical
Your bad experiences with dating apps have caused the cynicism to be read between the lines in your messages. Trust in dating and the good intentions of others has disappeared. What you have experienced in your dating career has led to you no longer taking anyone at their word. For example, you think that everyone twists the truth, lies or manipulates.
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3. You are not enthusiastic
When you first got a match, you were extremely excited. “This could be the one,” you thought. But now? Now you know that the chances are slim. The excitement is gone and it shows in how you respond, how quickly you do it and the number of exclamation marks and emojis you use.
4. You are bored
And another swipe left. You notice that you are rejecting more and more people. Sometimes it is because you discover a misspelled word in a bio, sometimes because you were distracted by the television. In fact, you do not feel like swiping at all and that is reflected in the number of swipes left. If you feel bored while using dating apps, it is possible that you are date-tired.
5. You feel hopeless
Despite still being on the apps every day, you’ve given up all hope of ever finding that special someone. You’re convinced that you’re a desperate bundle of sadness and not someone who deserves to find love. You feel like someone whose destiny is to be alone forever.
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5 Ways to Deal with It
Dating is supposed to be a fun experience. It’s not when you’re tired of dating. There are ways to change your mindset so you can better deal with dating fatigue. The following tips will help you deal with dating fatigue.
1. Take a break
If you feel exhausted from dating, give yourself a break. You don’t have to be “online” every day of the week, and you don’t have to be on an app every month of the year. Realize that online dating can be emotionally draining and respect that this is part of the game. Take a break when you feel like you need to. During this time, it can be good to both work on yourself and reflect on what you’ve learned from dating.
2. Be more direct
Most dating app users are playing games . Without even realizing it. They think deeply about every sentence they type so as not to seem too interested. They play hard to get because they’ve read that it works. And they wait a few minutes before replying to a message so as not to seem desperate. Sounds exhausting, right?
The solution is a direct and honest approach to dating where you are your authentic self. You respond when you want to, say things that come from within yourself and you don’t think about all the different seduction techniques you’ve read. In other words, you don’t think too much about dating, you live it.
3. Lower your expectations
One of the typical mistakes people make when they start using dating apps? Having too high expectations. It will undoubtedly lead to disappointment. Because if you expect to find someone quickly, you will be disappointed much faster than if you acknowledge that it takes time to meet the right person. Don’t expect to find someone quickly, expect that it will take time to find someone you click with. It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon.
4. Don’t take it personally
Dating apps have turned people into shiny objects that you can reject with a wave of your hand without any shame. It makes the whole process impersonal. If you take all rejections personally, staying on a dating app is the perfect way to torture yourself.
Realize that you have no control over the behavior of others. How someone else treats you says nothing about you. It says something about the other person. And so the opinion of someone else never determines who you are or what you are worth.
5. Pay attention to the rest of your life
Dating isn’t everything. There’s more to life than finding a relationship. So it’s important not to get sucked into dating apps. Spend time on the apps, but more time on the rest of your life. Keep spending time on your hobbies, having fun with friends, and spending time with family. Ideally, dating apps should be an addition to your life, like a new love might be, and not your entire life.
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