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A relationship is not for everyone. Some people want to keep their freedom and autonomy. Others want to fully enjoy the single life . But there are also people who would actually like a relationship, but at the same time don’t. They are so afraid of the thought of a relationship that they don’t even try. While they do have the desire to get married, have children and form a happy family.
Afraid of relationships
Committing to someone is scary. A relationship requires a lot of effort on both sides. There are expectations and obligations. It can be demanding and cause a great loss of privacy. While everyone has different expectations of a relationship, most people agree that commitment is necessary. And that commitment can be scary.
The relationship can also become difficult, even unbearable, because not all relationships are loving. From emotional neglect to the fear of abandonment, entering into a relationship means opening yourself up to the risk of being hurt. It can also mean giving up your dreams for someone else. But refusing to open yourself up to love—and to let others get close—is rarely the answer.
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11 Reasons Why You May Be Afraid of a Relationship
If someone does not open up to others and refuses to enter into a relationship, most people assume that there is a fear of commitment . The well-known term is quickly associated with someone who does not want to commit. But in reality it is often more complex. There can be more and different reasons why someone is afraid of having a relationship.
1. Not wanting to date seriously
Just because someone doesn’t want to date seriously doesn’t necessarily mean they’re afraid of commitment. They may be just discovering themselves and their identity. Or they may get the creeps at the thought of a partner on their lips 24/7. That doesn’t necessarily mean they have a fear of commitment. They just don’t want to be in a relationship.
2. Fear of change
Most people hate change. When you ask someone to change, it is always easier to say no than yes. You notice this in the workplace, at school and also at home. We are creatures of habit. We feel comfortable doing what we have always done. It is comfortable. Change is not. It makes people feel like they are losing control.
3. Uncertainty
For some, relationships are uncharted territory. It’s like walking blindfolded along the edge of a cliff, not knowing how they’ll end up. How would you feel about that? The feeling that you don’t have enough information to predict how things will go can cause anxiety to rise.
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4. Thinking there is something better
If there’s one thing that’s changed in the last few decades in relationships, it’s that people like to keep their options open. They’re afraid to commit to one person because they think there might be someone better out there. They refuse to commit to a relationship because they might miss out on something better. That’s FOMO , right ?
5. Previously Hurt
For most people who are afraid of relationships, this is the main reason. The ghosts of the past continue to haunt them. If you have previously opened yourself up completely to someone who mercilessly broke your heart , it can be incredibly difficult to open yourself up to love again. After all, there is no guarantee that someone else won’t do the exact same thing.
6. Fear of hurting the other person
While some fear becoming a victim themselves, others are aware of the negative influence they can have on a partner. If they are in a difficult situation emotionally, they may be aware of the fact that they are not an ideal partner – at this moment.
- They are addicted
- They are in a depression
- They are physically or mentally ill
7. Loss of freedom
When you’re single, you can do whatever you want. You can go on vacation alone , whenever and wherever you want. You can talk to whoever you want, swipe all day, and sleep in until late in the afternoon. You can’t do that in a committed relationship. At least, not in most monogamous relationships. Giving up this lifestyle can be anxiety-inducing.
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8. Fear of failure
Some people are afraid that they can’t do it – have a relationship. They want to do it well, but think that it will be too difficult to do it well. The fear of failure is paralyzing for them. Because they think they can’t do it, they don’t even start. The fear of relationships can be so limiting that they would rather not try.
9. Not thinking about the future
Most people at some point think about the ‘next step’. Making the relationship official , moving in together, and maybe even buying a house together. They at least think about a future together. But not everyone does that. Some people don’t think about the future – they don’t want to. They enjoy the here and now. And that doesn’t automatically mean that there is a fear of commitment.
10. Insecure attachment
It is normal for babies to cry as soon as their parents disappear from view. It is part of the attachment process. If this does not go well , for example if the parents do not return, people can form insecure attachments which can later cause problems in their relationship life. People with this attachment style can – it is not guaranteed – experience separation anxiety as adults .
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11. Peer pressure
If everyone in your group of friends is single, then starting a relationship can be a problem. The fear of starting a relationship comes from peer pressure. People tend to imitate those they spend the most time with. And if they vent their anger at the things that happy couples do , then it is not easy to deviate from the norm.
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