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No response again. It feels like you’re doing it all for nothing. You’ve sent countless messages on the dating app to women you find attractive, but so far you haven’t received a single response. That’s why you start to wonder if there’s something wrong with your profile, your way of communicating, or worse: that there’s something wrong with you.
You’ve tried everything from standard greetings to personalized messages. You’ve carefully crafted your profile and made it look appealing. Yet, you can’t seem to catch the attention of women. You’re left frustrated and disappointed, wondering what you’re doing wrong.
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Why don’t women respond to messages?
In order to be able to sketch the situation, it is good to first discuss the dynamics on dating apps. Women are in the minority on dating apps while men are in the majority. It is an uneven playing field. This automatically gives women more choice because there are simply more men to choose from.
Secondly, women on dating apps have more control over the process. They decide – generally speaking – who they do and do not message. Traditionally, it is the man who sends the first message and the woman who declines or accepts the request to chat. When women receive more messages than men, they have more choice. This can be overwhelming, causing women to be selective in their response to messages.
Research from Oxford University found that 79 percent of conversations on dating apps are initiated by men. Another study, conducted by researchers from The Czech Academy of Sciences, found that 69 percent of men send the first message, compared to 31 percent of women. On average, men send about 75 percent of first messages.
In addition to receiving more messages, women often have higher standards for the qualities they seek in a partner. This makes women more selective in their choices and they reject more men than the other way around. Men are generally less picky and find relatively more women attractive.
That women are more picky has been confirmed in research from Queen Mary University of London. This study into match rates on Tinder showed that when men swipe right, they only have a match in 0.6% of cases. For women, this percentage is 10.5%, which means that men like a profile 17.5 times more often than women.
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Why she’s not responding to your message
Now that we’ve explained that messages from men are generally answered less than the other way around, we can talk about the reasons why your messages are ignored. There can be several reasons why women don’t respond to your messages.
1. She’s getting inundated with messages
Some women simply receive too many messages and don’t have the time (or inclination) to respond to them all. Attractive women are inundated with messages from men, making it difficult for them to know which messages to respond to. So it can be a matter of timing, with your message getting lost in the crowd of messages she receives.
2. She has to make choices
Dating is different for women than it is for men. In the reality of online dating today, women call the shots. Once a woman signs up for an app where everyone can message each other, it doesn’t take long for the first messages to start pouring into her inbox. After a few hours, the inbox is filled with messages and there’s nothing left to do but make a selection.
Answering every message is too much work. She has to make choices based on the limited information. That’s why she makes the first choices in the inbox. All the standard ‘Hi, how are you?’ messages are skipped and unique messages are given priority. Based on this selection, a small number of men remain who have done better than the rest. If you are not among them, you will not receive a message.
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3. It’s a zombie profile
You read the profile, come up with a great first message, but still get no response. It is possible that you just messaged a zombie profile (not to be confused with zombieing ). A zombie profile is a profile of someone who has not logged in for a long time and may never do so again. They forgot to delete their dating profile, have already found love, or unsubscribing was too difficult. If you message such a profile, it is not uncommon for your message to go unanswered.
Search for profiles that have been recently active or filter by ‘online’ users.
4. Your message doesn’t stand out
As you’ve just read, a generic, superficial message won’t cut it as a guy. If you don’t want your messages to go straight to the digital trash can, you need to make them stand out. Some of the most boring openers are variations on “Hey, how are you?” or “You’re beautiful.” Send one of these and chances are you’ll be waiting forever for a response. While dating apps are a great platform for communicating with women, they can also be tough to stand out from the crowd.
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5. You type with spelling and grammatical errors
Spelling and grammar are crucial in messaging. If you spell words the wrong way and make obvious grammatical errors, you may irritate her instead of seducing her. It is not necessary to be able to speak perfect Dutch, as long as you do your best to type all sentences without errors.
- Do not use SMS language
- Please note dt errors
- Avoid spelling and grammatical errors
- Check each sentence for typos
6. You start talking about sex
Perhaps the biggest mistake made by men: a first message filled with sexual terms. No woman likes it when a man asks her what cup size she is in the first message. Or the question if she wants to meet for a sex date . Most women are not looking for a short fling, but a steady relationship or serious dating. When you realize this, you understand that it is not smart to talk about sex right away.
7. Your profile is not working
If you are lucky enough to have your sensational first message read, the first thing a woman will do is check out your profile. Only then will you get a response. Or not, if your profile is not interesting enough. The wrong terms, photos and interests on your profile can deter a woman from answering your message.
Complaints about women who don’t suit you? Other negative feelings you share in your profile? They ruin your chances of getting a response. The same goes for a half-naked body or a picture with a huge fish you caught.
8. You’re not her type
Even if you do everything right, your profile looks slick and you meet all the requirements of a ‘normal’ man, it is still possible that you will not receive a message back. How is that possible? In the end, it is also possible that you are not her type. You do not make her heart beat faster. Just as you are not interested in every woman, this also applies to the woman.
No matter how hard you try, some women are just not attainable. This has nothing to do with you as a person, but with her preferences. We all have different types that we fall for. As a result, it is possible that you meet all the requirements and desires, but still do not strike the right chord.
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What women do respond to
The best way to get more responses is to only message the women who are truly right for you. If you only message the most attractive women , you are setting yourself up for a disappointing experience. By only messaging the most suitable women – those with whom you have a real chance – you increase the percentage of messages that are answered. Not only do you avoid disappointment, you also increase the chance that it is someone on your level and someone who is truly right for you.
Women also respond better to original and personal elements . An originally written first message can make you a lot more interesting and also more attractive. Where women ignore the standard messages, it is the messages with a personal touch that are successful. These are messages that:
- too specific to be labeled as a “copy-paste” message
- mention something from the profile
- show that you thought before you sent it
Make your message personal and original, showing that you are interested in who she is and not just what she looks like. She already has the confirmation that you like her appearance by sending her a message. She wants you to like her, not just what she looks like. Read her profile carefully and refer to it in your message.
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