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You’re walking down the aisle of a supermarket, looking for your favorite brand of coffee. Suddenly, your gaze locks with someone standing a few feet away. It’s as if time stands still for a moment as you look at each other. In that brief moment, you feel a wave of excitement rush through your body and you can’t take your eyes off each other. It’s love at first sight. You don’t know what it is, but there’s something special about this person.
You hesitate before you approach the other person, but you know this is your only chance. You ask if the other person can help you find the right brand of coffee. While you search for the desired coffee together, you talk about everything and anything. It is as if you have known each other for years. You laugh at each other’s jokes and you immediately feel at ease. Once the coffee has been found, you share your number. Not long after, when you have just gotten home, you receive the first message: ‘Hey stranger, how is the coffee?’
The scenario we just described is exactly how most people want to meet their partner. By chance, spontaneously and of their own accord. Whether it’s in the supermarket, in the café, at the gym or at the petrol station; we all wish that Cupid would strike at the unexpected moment. Unfortunately, that’s not the reality – it rarely happens.
If you don’t want to leave anything to chance, you proactively search. You let colleagues match you, try speed dating and sign up for dating apps . But what if none of that seems to work? Then there is another option: matchmaking. An unknown phenomenon for young people, but a serious option for adults to consider.
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What is relationship mediation?
If you no longer want to look for a partner yourself, you can leave it to a matchmaker. Matchmaking is a process in which a professional, called a matchmaker or counselor, helps people find a suitable partner. Matchmaking is often used when people have difficulty finding a partner themselves, or when they have already had several relationships that did not work out.
The matchmaker guides you through the entire process, from start to finish. This starts with determining the criteria for your ideal partner to arranging a first date and building a lasting relationship. The matchmaker creates a personality profile, matches you based on shared interests and values, arranges meetings and gives advice on how to start dating.
In general, matchmaking is an effective and time-saving way to help people find a love relationship. It has advantages, but also disadvantages. And that’s what we’re going to talk about now.
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8 Benefits of Relationship Mediation
Are you thinking about giving relationship counseling a try? Then you are probably wondering what the benefits are, especially compared to dating sites . Because since modern dating sites and apps are relatively cheap to use, the same cannot be said about relationship counseling. Therefore, you may wonder whether relationship counseling is worth the money. These are the benefits of using a relationship counselor.
1. The mediator does all the work for you
Are you tired of being disappointed every time you do n’t get a response to your message? You’re not alone. When you try dating apps, you’re constantly confronted with this passive form of rejection. Even if you do get a message back, it’s not a guarantee of a date. Before you know it, you’ve been messaging for days, weeks, and months, never getting a date.
If you choose a matchmaking service, the consultant will do all the work for you. Searching for potential candidates, gauging interest and everything that comes with it; all you have to do is show up on the date and be the best version of yourself. In other words, you save a lot of time when you outsource your love life.
2. The candidates are seriously looking
Anyone who tries a dating app like Tinder will soon discover that meeting someone can be quite a challenge. This is because not all app users are actually looking for a date. Some do it to pass the time, others for the ego boost. There are indeed serious matches to be found, but this is not comparable to the candidates of a dating agency.
The vast majority of people who use professional matchmakers are seriously looking for a long-term, committed partner, similar to members of a dating app like Lexa .
3. The worries are over
Those who hire a dating agency to work for them often have had disappointing experiences with dating beforehand. That time is over when a consultant starts working for you. You can delete the dating apps and focus your thoughts on everyday life again, with the knowledge in the back of your mind that someone is actively looking for a partner for you.
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4. Professional guidance can help you
With online dating, you are on your own to determine which people are right for you and which are not. Especially for those who are coming out of a long-term relationship and are back on the market in a completely different dating world , this can be difficult and overwhelming. Where do you start and what are you really looking for? It is not just a search for a partner, but also within yourself.
When you enlist the help of an experienced matchmaker, you can immediately benefit from their expertise, experience and intuition in finding the right person. Matchmakers usually meet all clients in person to get a clear picture of who they are dealing with. They work thoroughly by gaining insight into these matters:
- Family situation
- Educational background
- Hobby’s an interest
- Norms, values and religion
- Turn-offs and no-go’s
- Personality
- Relationship history
- Desired characteristics of a partner
5. Targeted search for ‘other’ qualities
Most dating sites and apps offer you advanced search functions that allow you to filter other members by criteria such as age, distance, interests, religion and much more. What can’t be searched for with these filters? The interesting qualities that don’t fit into these boxes. Think for example of ambition, temperament, norms and values.
In practice, these are qualities and characteristics that are important in determining true compatibility. A consultant from a dating agency can match these qualities to yours much better than you can yourself.
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6. High success rates
While almost all dating apps praise themselves to the skies based on the number of members and the number of matches, dating agencies are not about quantity but about quality. After all, what use is a match if it does not lead to a date or more? The combination of serious singles, the matching by the consultant and the help with dating ensure that an average dating agency has a much higher success rate than a dating app.
7. Careful screening of candidates
If you are like most singles, you have experienced it. You arrange to meet someone who looks very attractive in the photos. But when you arrange to meet, it is disappointing. Photos on dating sites and apps are often not a good reflection of reality. One of the advantages of an intermediary is that they screen the candidates thoroughly for you.
Members who look nothing like their photos are asked to take new photos. This way you won’t have to deal with unrealistic expectations based on an outdated or heavily edited photo. Furthermore, you won’t come into contact with a catfish , scammer or con artist via a dating agency, which is unfortunately a real risk in this day and age.
8. Reasonable anonymity
Are you a high-profile entrepreneur, a famous Dutch person or maybe even a multi-millionaire? Then it is understandable that you do not want to expose yourself on a public profile. Before you know it, everyone is aware of your love life or lack thereof. If you value privacy , you are better off leaving the dating app alone and opting for an agency.
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7 Disadvantages of Relationship Mediation
The advantages of a professional matchmaker are obvious. If you don’t have the time to do your own searching, want to remain completely anonymous or keep ending up in the arms of the wrong person, then you can consider relationship mediation. However, the services of professional mediators do not only have advantages, there are also disadvantages.
1. The average age is slightly higher
While dating apps are populated by young adults, the age of the matchmaking candidates is on average somewhat higher. In practice, twenty-somethings still have enough time and opportunities to find love in a different way. Matchmaking is often not an option for them. Matchmaking only comes into play when these singles get older and want to settle down .
Matchmaking is therefore more suitable for singles over 30, with many participants falling into the 50 plus category . If you are not yet 30, you generally have no business at a matchmaking agency, unless you have too much money or a very good reason. Young adults simply have more success on dating sites and apps.
2. Mediators want to know a lot about you
Do you have trouble telling someone your favorite color when they ask you? Then you can’t imagine what a mediator wants to know about you. When a mediator gets to work, you’ll find that they ask personal questions . Be prepared to answer questions that you don’t even know the answer to. And the questions are coming from someone you don’t know at all.
3. It requires a budget
It is never free when someone else does the work for you. If you have your house painted by a professional, it costs money. A matchmaker is no different. How much does it cost? It depends on the matchmaker you hire, but the services are never free. It usually starts at a minimum of 500 to 700 euros in total, but in some cases it can go up to many thousands of euros. To make such an amount available for finding a partner, a budget is needed – a fairly large budget even.
4. There are no guarantees
No one can guarantee you love. No matter how high the average success rates are, not everyone succeeds in finding a partner through matchmaking. You can throw thousands of euros at it and still not meet someone who makes your heart beat faster. Again, it is about quality rather than quantity. This means that the pool of people to choose from is considerably smaller than on an average dating app or website.
5. It may take some time
It seems easy. You hire a matchmaker and you are introduced to new candidates on a conveyor belt. If this is the image you have of an intermediary, you will be disappointed. It can take a while before you have the first date. Of course, this depends on the dating agency, but it often happens that people have to wait months before the first opportunity presents itself. A dating agency does not automatically deliver results, no matter how much you would like it to if you pay a lot for it.
6. The confrontation with yourself
Relationship counselors are there to help you. That has an advantage, but also a disadvantage. One of the disadvantages is that you may hear things that you don’t really want to hear. The counselors know what their clients want and don’t want. They also know what you’re doing wrong and what the underlying reasons are why you can’t find love yourself. If your interests are too vague, your demands too high or your wishes too unclear, they will tell you. Keep in mind that you will be confronted with the hard truth.
7. There is no quality control
Unfortunately, there is no real regulation in the relationship mediation industry. There are hundreds of agencies and mediators registered with the Chamber of Commerce. Every year, dozens of new parties are added while dozens of others close their doors. Of all these parties, only a small number are affiliated with one of the two industry organizations: the Industry Association of Recognized Relationship Agencies (BER) and the General Association of Relationship Agencies (AVR).
In other words, the matchmaking market is quite opaque. As with most businesses, some actually want to help you, while others want to help themselves to line their pockets. Make sure you do your research before choosing a matchmaker.
While there are success stories of happy couples who met online in every group of friends, dating apps are not for everyone. Some singles want to remain anonymous, others are tired of superficial conversations, and still others don’t have the time. In these cases, you can benefit from the advantages of a matchmaker. But, as you can read, there are also disadvantages.
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