First Date Tips? Before, During and After the Date Explained

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The first date: we could write a book about it. But luckily you don’t have to go to Bol.com to get your hands on a manual for the first date. In this extensive guide we tell you everything you need to know: from the locations that are suitable to the topics of conversation and etiquette.

First dates are… hard

Everyone knows that a first date is much more than a simple face-to-face meeting between two people. It even goes further than a job interview, because you are not only trying to make a good first impression, but you are also trying to decipher the other person’s body language. And thanks to the First Dates program, we all know how awkward that can be.

The things to think about are almost endless, which makes the idea of a first date scary. You have to pay attention to what you say and what you don’t say, but also whether you like the other person and vice versa. We all know it can be nerve-wracking. Despite the fact that you’re excited to finally look the other person in the eye, it becomes an exciting battle against yourself.

Seven moments

Whether you’ve known the person for a while or only know them through a dating app, the first date is the opportunity to show who you are. The moment when you have to shine. The pressure that comes with it can be overwhelming.

Before you spontaneously and unpreparedly go to the first date , it is useful that you first delve into what is involved. What are the do’s and don’ts? What is possible and what is not? We will tell you all about it.

In this dating guide, you’ll find everything you need to know; from coming up with a date idea to how to tell someone it’s not going to work. This guide is divided into three parts: before, during, and after the first date. Navigate directly to the stage you’re in for tips, rules, and advice.

ALSO READ: 35 Playful Dates to Keep Your Relationship Alive

Before the first date

Does the thought of a first date make your heart race? Or does the memory of your last attempt make you cringe with embarrassment? If so, rest assured: you’re not alone. Few people find dating simple and straightforward—for most, it’s a minefield, even in the age of Tinder and other apps .

The good news is that with the right approach, you can avoid the most common pitfalls and fears. That starts at the very beginning, by not putting more pressure on yourself than necessary. Here are the tips that can come in handy before a first date.

Arrange the first date

Let’s go back to the beginning. Do you want to go on a date, but don’t have anyone to date? In order to have a first date, you need someone who wants to share this experience with you. Now, you can just talk to someone on the street, but do you dare? If you’re like most people, you’d rather try a dating app.

Don’t worry unnecessarily

A little bit of stress is natural before a first date – in fact, that’s what makes it so exciting. Some even see it as half the fun, because it’s pretty unpredictable. What you don’t want to do, however, is think of every possible scenario beforehand. This is the kind of stress you want to eliminate before a date . It’s also the kind of stress that makes a date uncomfortable. Also remember that the more relaxed you are, the more comfortable your date will be.

Take plenty of time to prepare
Make sure you don’t have to rush
Do something relaxing
Listen to your favorite playlist
Don’t have high expectations
Go into it with an open mind

Research the person

You are thinking about how the first date will go and perhaps dreaming about a potential future together? It is understandable that you are excited to meet your match for the first time. What you should not forget, however, is that you do not know the person at all. You know the profile, the photos and the typing skills. But it is no more than a digital first impression. Who knows, the person may be completely different in real life or you may be dealing with a catfish . In short, avoid becoming a victim of one of the many scam techniques.

Choose a fun date idea

Going to the cinema as a first date? A bad idea. The best date ideas give you the opportunity to discover each other, without the distraction of a thrilling film and people asking you to please be quiet. What should you do on your first date? Something light, casual and preferably something you both really enjoy doing. You will make an impression when you suggest something that suits the other. Did you pick up something during the chat conversation? Let it be the inspiration to come up with a first date.

Don’t make it too complicated

A first date with someone you know little to nothing about is full of uncertainty. Don’t complicate it by trying to plan the perfect romantic dinner or planning a whole day of activities . Instead, keep it short and simple.

For example, a cup of coffee can quickly reveal whether your date is someone you’d like to spend more time with. And if the date goes well, the coffee can turn into lunch or dinner , adding a little spontaneity to the mix. Here are some articles to inspire you with fun date ideas:

Reserve enough time

Anyone who has had experience with first dates can tell you that sometimes it takes longer than you thought. For example, reserve the entire evening if you agree to go out for a bite to eat. If the first meeting is more fun than you could ever have imagined, you don’t have to leave the scene early. The best first dates are not scheduled in between, but on a day and time when there is no need to rush.

Time flies when you’re having fun

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Dress to impress

If you want to be the best version of yourself, this requires some preparation. You wouldn’t go to a job interview without showering, with your hair all messed up and wearing yesterday’s clothes, would you? Then don’t do that on a first date either. Dress to impress . Think well in advance about what outfit you’re going to wear, but also that these clothes are actually available – and not lying un-ironed in the laundry basket.

What to Wear on a Date (Clothing and Outfit Choice)

Smelling good and looking well-groomed also go hand in hand with the clean clothes you wear on the first date. How you look largely determines the first impression – and you only get to make that once .

The basic preparation

Take a shower
brush your teeth
Do your hair
Choose a scent
Polish your hands
Trim your nose and ear hair (men)
Trim your nails
Polish your shoes
Wash your clothes a few days in advance
Iron your clothes
Wear clean underwear
Buy new clothes if you don’t have anything nice lying around

Wear something that makes you feel good

One way to feel confident is to wear something that you feel comfortable in. The first date is not a time to experiment with your look. If you wear an outfit that you know makes you feel attractive, you will give off just the right vibe and confidence. It doesn’t matter if it’s your favorite dress, shoes, pants, or boxers. If it makes you feel good about yourself, make sure you wear it on your date.

It has to suit you
It must fit with what you are going to do
It should be comfortable

Arrive on time

Arriving on time shows that you care about your date and the person you are meeting. No one likes to wait outside the restaurant or café hoping you will show up. Make sure you don’t do this to anyone by arriving well in advance. Don’t be the one who arrives ten minutes late, because you will be 1-0 behind.

Try to be at the agreed location ten minutes early so your date doesn’t have to wait for you. If you’ve agreed to meet at 8pm and it’s a 20-minute drive, make sure you leave at 7:20pm – leave some extra time for parking. Be smart and check in advance for traffic jams or road closures.

ALSO READ: Is He The One? Not If He Does These 25 Things

First Date Tips? Before, During and After the Date Explained

During the first date

With the preparation behind you, the moment has come to look each other in the eyes for the first time. Think about what exactly you want to know about the other person and what you really find important in a potential partner. However, do not treat the first date as an interview, because otherwise the alarm bells will ring with the other person. These are the tips that can help you during a first date.

Put your phone on silent

The first date is not the time to be interrupted by the loud ringtone of your smartphone. There is a taboo on checking your phone during the first time together; it is rude and one of the biggest turn-offs for singles. It has even been scientifically proven that smartphone use has a negative effect on face-to-face conversations.

Dating may not be an exact science, but that doesn’t mean you can’t use science to make the first date a success. Be smart, put your phone in your pocket or bag and leave it there until you’re alone again.

Stay close to yourself

It’s a cliché to say that you should be yourself, but it’s still the way to succeed. You want to impress your date, but pretending to be better or more interesting than you really are isn’t the way to do it. It’s about your date liking you for who you really are. In the end, the truth about who you really are will always come out.

For example, don’t make rehearsed jokes if you don’t have a natural talent for humor. In fact, research shows that jokes don’t work well at all on a first date. The same goes for cheesy opening lines. The research also shows that when you go on a date, especially with a woman, it’s better to let them go. Instead, focus on having an engaging conversation that shows that you’re curious, intelligent, and civilized.

Don’t talk about your ex non-stop
Don’t bother others
Don’t brag about who you know or what you have
Don’t share offensive jokes
Don’t talk bad about other people

Keep the conversation interesting

A surefire way to not get a second date is to be a boring conversationalist, because the conversation is the most important part of the date. It’s about striking the right balance between impressing and getting to know the other person. Think about what you can do to make the conversation interesting rather than boring.

An interesting and consistent suggestion that comes up in conversation research is to ask someone for advice. It’s a great way to get someone talking. And when they give their opinion or advice on something, they feel like they’re being helpful. It also gives the other person an ego boost, a nice feeling that you give them by asking for advice.

We all like to talk about ourselves. But don’t assume that your date finds you as interesting as you do. If you make the conversation all about you, you’re sending the wrong signals. At the same time, you can’t leave the conversation to your date alone – that’s also a recipe for failure. The trick is to listen intelligently and respond appropriately to what the other person is saying. For example, by picking up on a part of the sentence:

“Wow, so you’ve been to Dubai too. Is that really a paradise for the super rich?”

Ask the right questions

The first meeting is not a job interview where you go through a list of questions. What elementary school did someone go to or what their favorite color is? It has no added value during a first date. Only ask questions that really tell you something about the personality and identity of the person in front of you.

Everyone likes to talk about themselves. Asking your date questions shows that you are interested in them. And when you are interested in them, you are more interesting. Curiosity is exciting – it shows that you are having an internal dialogue when the other person is talking.

Pay attention to the body language

Everyone knows that body language has a significant impact on face-to-face conversations. What not everyone knows is that a facial expression tells more than what you actually say. Unconsciously, we pay a lot of attention to the body language of a conversation partner. From the way you sit on the chair to the gestures with your hands; we record everything to form an image of you. Therefore, pay attention to your own body language so that you send the right signals.

Beware of copycat behavior

You may have noticed it yourself, but when you like someone, you unconsciously copy the movements, posture and gestures of that person. This copying behavior is also called ‘ mirroring ‘ and is a sign of affection. On the one hand, this can provide insight into whether the other person likes you, but you can also use this to your advantage. Research suggests that we are attracted to this copying behavior. Without realizing it, you like the other person more if this person imitates your mannerisms, behavior and movements.

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Use eye contact to your advantage

It is often said that the eyes are the windows to our souls, which is why it is so important to maintain eye contact during a conversation. It is intimate and makes a non-verbal statement. A little longer eye contact than you normally would is enough to say, “I like you.” What you should not do, however, is stare or push the eye contact so far that it is uncomfortable for the other person. Look someone too deeply in the eyes and it is quickly seen as dominance; this is not the way you want to confront your date. In fact, research shows that prolonged eye contact can actually be detrimental .

Don’t be afraid to flirt

Feeling the vibe? Then don’t be shy about flirting. It’s perfectly normal to tease and tease when you like someone – again, completely normal. So don’t be shy about showing that you’re into your date. Chances are they’ll appreciate it if it’s clear that there’s a real-life match. Plus, it makes them think you’re confident and funny. Witty, tongue-in-cheek humor and clever remarks are the essence of flirting. It’s the way to connect and let someone know you’re interested – without saying it out loud.

Don’t overdo it with touching (to a minimum)
Don’t try to push the boundaries

Paying the bill

A few years ago we asked our visitors who should pay for the first date. The result? Dutch singles like to split the bill for the first outing. In practice, it is therefore possible that the man expects the woman to pay her own share. As a man, you can distinguish yourself by not letting the woman pay; it is (almost) always appreciated. However, as a woman, you cannot trust that every man will want to pay the bill alone.

Who pays for the first date?

What not to do

All the tips that tell you what to do can’t help you if you’re doing everything you shouldn’t do at the same time. We’ll tell you about the mistakes others make and what you better not do during your first face-to-face meeting.

ALSO READ: 114 Best Date Ideas for First, Second and More Dates

After the first date

So you felt a connection, the conversation had a nice flow and you had a lot in common. Great. Or you didn’t click, wanted to leave as soon as possible and felt disappointed. What now?

To kiss or not to kiss?

The first date is (almost) over, it went better than expected and now you are at the point of making a choice. To kiss or not to kiss? That is the decision you have to make based on the hints you have received. Do you have the feeling that the other person likes you and is willing to kiss? Then there is no one to stop you or tell you that it is not allowed.

Sex after the first date

According to experts, sex on the first date is a no-go if you want a relationship. It greatly reduces the chance of success, according to research . But what if you really want it? Then there is no one to stop you. The rule that a woman must wait at least a few dates if it concerns relationship material is popular. But it is not ‘wrong’ if you do not stick to it.

If a man loses interest in you after sex on the first date , then he probably wasn’t relationship material. After all, if the man is really interested in you, then it doesn’t matter if you have sex after the first date or the fifth. That said, research shows that waiting to have sex is better for your relationship.

A 2012 study from Cornell University found that people are happier in their relationships if they wait at least six months before having sex. But let’s be honest: six months?! Another large-scale study involving 10,932 people also found that the timing of sex affects the success of the relationship. Waiting to have sex was shown to have a positive effect on the later course of the relationship.

Delivering the bad news

Although many relationships are the result of a successful first date, there are even more dates that end in nothing. Cupid doesn’t always hit the mark. For example, it can happen that you don’t see anything in the other person, but the other person does see something in you. How do you tell that? We’ll tell you more about it.

How further?

The first date is over; either you both continue your lives alone or there is interest in getting to know each other better. With the first meeting behind you, the biggest tension is gone and you finally know who you are dealing with.

What you often read about contact after the date is that you should not send a message right away. According to many, the follow-up after the first date should not be too fast and you should wait three to five days before contacting. Really ? In reality, there is no need to wait. Contact your date whenever you want.

You don’t have to wait days to send a text that you had a good time; do it within a few hours of your date so as not to keep the other person in suspense any longer than necessary. We’ll tell you more about what to do and what not to do after the first date:

It is important to realize that this first date guide is only helpful if there is a click. Without this much-needed click, no guide is needed. If there is a click and you feel the first butterflies in your stomach, then this guide can help you make the best start ever. That is why we have created this first date guide; to help you when it feels right.

We can’t help you make sure there’s enough chemistry between you and your date. What we can help you with is preparing for the first date, which questions to ask and which not to ask, but also how to show the best version of yourself. If there is that famous click, this guide can help you make a success of the first rendezvous with what could be your future partner.

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