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We are all emotional people and that means that there are doubts in almost every relationship. After all, entering into a relationship with someone is not just something, because in most cases it is done to build a future together.
However, this does not necessarily mean that doubts have to be immediately disastrous. Doubts about the relationship are very human and therefore anything but strange.
So no reason to panic, because in many cases there is indeed a solution to be found. There are different types of doubts, some more justified than others. We will tell you more about what you can do if you just don’t know what to do anymore.
Why are there doubts?
Unfortunately, we are not talking about a simple calculation that you can solve with a magic formula. Many people cannot easily decipher their feelings of doubt and the intense emotions that come with it make it even more difficult. And that in turn causes even more doubt to arise. Before you know it, you end up in a rut that seems to never end.
It is precisely because of this so-called vicious circle that it is important to take action in time, to make a decision. However, that is not easy, because relationship doubts often lead to relationship problems. In such a scenario, you are much more likely to exhibit unnatural behavior, causing arguments to arise again and again and communication to suffer. What does that mean? If both partners are less happy with your relationship: the balance is gone.
However, doubts do not just appear out of thin air. Often this is a gradual process and there are various explanations for the doubts. When you have feelings of doubt, it actually means nothing more than that you take your relationship seriously. Your life, your life is precious to you. By expressing doubts, you show that you have the best intentions for both you and your partner.
By listening to your feelings, you force yourself to think more deeply about what you have built together and expect to build. What is central to that thinking process, or rather, evaluation process? The why question.
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De Fear of Missing Out
Because although there are different reasons for doubts, every relationship is unique. However, one of the most common explanations for relationship doubts is the Fear of Missing Out : or FOMO . This is nothing more than having the uneasy feeling that you are missing out on a lot of fun things because of your relationship.
You will see that your friends are having the time of their lives during a nice weekend away, while you are sitting on the couch with someone you have serious doubts about. And because we are all on social media en masse, FOMO is more topical than ever. Due to the link with social media, FOMO is often associated with the younger generation, but essentially anyone can experience it.
After all, the fear of missing out on a fun opportunity has always existed. Nevertheless, the psychological term FOMO is still in its infancy. Of course, this all has to do with the explosive growth of social media since the 00s.
In any case, it is clear that it often leads to a feeling of dissatisfaction with the relationship and the tendency to be constantly on social media. And let’s be honest, if you spend more time with social media than with your partner, then there is indeed something wrong with the relationship.
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5 Common Reasons to Hesitate
While FOMO and doubts about the relationship increasingly go hand in hand, there are also other reasons. There are different types of doubt, some of which are more justified than others. The most commonly cited reasons for doubting the relationship are:
1. Beginning relationship
Some people who have been single for a long time yearn for affection and a steady relationship. They love sharing all their time with a partner. For others, a relationship after such a long time can be oppressive. In the latter case, it will take some time to get used to it. It is therefore very natural to have doubts at this stage. Don’t let yourself be discouraged.
2. You are demanding
Okay, your partner is beautiful to look at and is also very sweet to you. Yet his or her smile bothers you and you actually think that your partner could be a little more romantic. Do these kinds of feelings sound familiar to you? Then it could just be that you are just a little too demanding. Of course we all have an ideal image of the perfect partner, but be realistic.
3. You have a fear of commitment
A relationship is one thing, but a close relationship is something completely different. When things get too close emotionally, some people may have doubts. 2 In particular, a rapid transition from the early phase to a serious relationship means that new obligations and responsibilities arise from one moment to the next. It is the fear of commitment . The doubt that then arises is a kind of mechanism that opposes too much emotional closeness.
4. You are a doubter
Do you know that you naturally have a lot of doubts? Then it is not unthinkable that you will also have to deal with all kinds of doubts in your relationship. Because, just like you doubt which coat you should wear later or which holiday destination you should book this year, you will always find a solution in the end. Fortunately.
5. You feel unhappy
It may also be that you have now realized that the relationship is really not good for you. You have been very unhappy lately and you notice that you are suffering too much. Despite this, many people decide not to change anything in the relationship, because it has become so normal or because they are afraid of falling into a black hole. In this scenario, you will have to think about your unhappiness in the relationship .
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Can it be changed?
In many cases yes. Yet it is good to consider the actual nature of (possible) arguments and disagreements. We previously reported that relationship doubts and relationship problems often go hand in hand. If that is also the case with you, then there are often pointless discussions about whether or not to do so. The person who has doubts about the relationship will look for counterarguments to all arguments from the partner that actually confirm the feelings of doubt.
Do you recognize this? Then there is a good chance that you are too close to each other. Do not. To find out where that doubt comes from and whether it can be changed at all, both you and your partner need to have enough space and freedom to explore it.
However, the solutions are not always as easy as they seem. There are often all kinds of peripheral factors that also have an influence. You may already know perfectly well what the solution should be, but if you have just taken out a mortgage together or have had a child, things become a lot more difficult. Still, you want decisions to be made. What can help with this is:
Future experiment
It’s 2028, 10 years from now. Do you still see yourself with your current partner? And if so, what feelings does this image evoke in you? Does it evoke a happy feeling? Or does it create negative feelings?
Forget the ideal
Be aware that no relationship is perfect. Not everyone looks like a movie star and driving yourself crazy with what the perfect partner must look like only has the opposite effect. Therefore, ask yourself what positive things you get from your current relationship? And do they outweigh the less pleasant moments?
Look at yourself
It is too easy to blame your partner. Yes, he or she may not always be very sociable or may not take the initiative. But have you asked yourself what your part is? What do you do to keep the relationship going?
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What should you do with it?
In any case, avoid all vagueness as much as possible and be as concrete as possible. Often dissatisfaction is expressed in a vague manner that is full of generalities. ‘The click is gone ‘, ‘the feeling is different’, or ‘I miss what we used to have’.
Instead of this kind of unclear formulations, it is important to ask yourself what exactly is meant by that. Ask specific questions. As with every question, there must also be an answer that must remove those doubts.
Although there are no ready-made solutions, there are three main scenarios: break up, cheat, or move on.
1. Break up
In this case you are certain: there is no future in the relationship anymore. You can’t imagine growing old with your partner and that’s why there is only one thing to do: break up . But before you decide to end the relationship as a doubter, it is important to know that romantic fairytale stories are not reality.
“Everyone in life is going to hurt you, you just have to figure out which people are worth the pain.” – Bob Marley
What is realistic is that your partner has terrible taste in music, that you regularly have a morning mood, and that sometimes only bad stories are told at the dinner table. On the other hand, there may also be enough beauty between the two of you. Think about that carefully before you break up.
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2. Continue
While some doubts are difficult to dispel, other doubts can easily be addressed. Do you feel that good consultation can go a long way? And are you aware that you also have to contribute from your side? Then you can decide to continue the relationship. However, make sure that continuing is not the same as waiting — against the better — for improvement. Otherwise you’re just wasting time.
3. Cheating
In this case, love, or at least passion, is over, temporarily or otherwise. The result? That those needs are sought elsewhere, namely by cheating. Some do it with a colleague, others via a dating site such as Victoria Milan . Often the finger is pointed at the partner to justify the affair .
The other is the cause of all doubts and it is all his or her fault. This kind of reproach will cause you to doubt more and more and create even more distance. It is precisely this doubtful behavior that can cause you to do things that you may regret later.
Be honest: with yourself and with others
Whatever decision you make, it is important to always be open and honest. Dare to communicate openly with your partner and dare to express your wishes. Ask about your partner’s wishes and assess whether you can unite each other’s wishes.
Stay together or break up: it is not an easy decision. But as long as there is clear communication — without blaming each other for everything — there is a good chance that you will both come out of it happier. Whether with each other or without each other.
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