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The dog has already been walked, the clothes for tomorrow have been laid out, and you are all slumped on the couch. It is almost 8:00 PM, which means that RTL4 is on: it is time for Goede Tijden, Slechte Tijden again. You already have a hunch about what is going to happen in today’s episode, because the series is no longer full of surprises. After watching every episode for 4.5 years, it is the same old story every time. You hate GTST, but you still watch it.
You’ve been doing this for over 4 years now and it’s become so normal. At 8:30, you sigh again and pick up your phone. Your partner does the same, while you both have your earphones in and are each watching a different video. Does that scenario sound familiar to you? Then there’s a good chance that you’ve fallen into it with both feet: the rut in the relationship .
However, that does not mean that the relationship cannot be saved. Because with a little initiative and fresh courage you can break through this doom scenario. We would therefore like to give you a number of tips to break the rut in the relationship. Because there is more than that damn GTST.
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What is the rut in the relationship?
Every long-term relationship has its peaks and valleys. The peaks often occur in the beginning: you want nothing more than to be with your partner. Every time you are together, time flies by and the moment you say goodbye to each other, you are already looking forward to the next time together.
However, over time that intense feeling becomes less and less. There is nothing wrong with that in itself, but things become different when the daily obligations really start to take their toll. Not only are you tired of all the obligations, but you are also tired of your partner.
The lack of daily stimulation has left you with almost no energy to do anything with your partner. Slowly but surely, you realize: your relationship is in a rut. And you want to get out of it as soon as possible.
Why does it happen?
Still, it’s important to ask yourself why it happens. For this too we have to go back to the beginning of the relationship. What it is the innovation that maintains the feeling of love and mutual desire. When you get to know each other, there are positive tensions and a desire to know more about each other. This gives us a bit of curiosity.
As you get to know each other better , the curiosity diminishes and everything becomes so ordinary. The novelty wears off. And that’s when the routine can start.
The routine in a relationship can therefore be related to everything that is (too) ordinary and boring. Attention for each other slowly but surely ebbs away. Do you both provide sufficient novelty and keep each other sharp? Then the feelings of routine will also become a lot less.
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How do you avoid the rut?
Yes, it is incredibly cliché, but: prevention is really better than cure, also when it comes to the rut. The fact that your relationship is quite exciting in the beginning does not mean that the rut is not lurking. If you do not stay sharp, the rut will arise sooner than you would think. For that reason, it is important to prevent too much routine from developing in advance.
1. Sometimes distance yourself from each other
Of course you want to be together as much as possible, but avoid it becoming too ordinary. Give each other enough time with friends and family, apart from each other. This way you maintain your longing for each other and occasionally provide that much-needed feeling of missing each other.
2. An occasional surprise
Let’s face it: a surprise should remain a surprise. If you come home every Saturday morning after filling up with a box of chocolate bonbons, surprises quickly make way for expectations. If you don’t come home with the bonbons, that can cause annoyance. So keep it occasional.
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3. Smartphones aside
Modern technology offers opportunities, but also dangers. Don’t we all recognize the situation where people are sitting next to each other on a couch, but are completely in their own little world? The culprit is the smartphone. Therefore, make sure that you regularly put your smartphones aside and really give each other the attention you deserve.
4. Vary everything you do
The routine and routine actions go hand in hand. How do you prevent that? By continuously varying what you do. For example, continue to vary the ways in which you show affection. Don’t always go to the same restaurant, no matter how good the food is. Take time off from work a little early, have an extensive breakfast at the table on Sunday morning or do the housekeeping if that is not your job. In short, deviate from normal routines to avoid the rut.
5. Be honest with each other
In a close relationship you need to be open with each other. Do you notice that it starts to get a bit boring every now and then? Then discuss it with your partner. Maybe he or she will agree and you can find a solution together. Discuss these kinds of things.
How do you break the rut?
If you are already in the doldrums and the rut has already started, then it is important to change this as quickly as possible. The goal: to create more attraction in a natural way. It is also important to take each other’s daily rhythm into account. After all, you cannot avoid daily obligations such as work, study, family obligations and sporting obligations. What you can do?
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1. Eliminate habits
So do you watch GTST every evening and order from the Chinese every Thursday evening? And is Friday evening the regular movie night? Then put an end to these types of boring habits and do the things that make you feel good at that moment. This way there is room for spontaneity again.
In the Netherlands we have a habit of planning everything, while we know that spontaneous things are the most fun. Routine may provide some stability, but it does put an end to all surprise elements.
2. Make sure there is some fire in the bedroom
The routine has also taken its toll in the bedroom and those daily fireworks in bed have been replaced by 3 full minutes on Tuesday evenings. The lovemaking is a lot less passionate and the moments and the place are always the same. Stop that. Use your imagination and try out something new. There’s a good chance that those 3 weekly minutes will be increased to a lot more fun between the sheets.
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3. Get out there
You work from 9 to 5 every day and when you get home you still have to cook, the laundry still has to be done, and the clothes still have to be ironed. The moment you collapse on the couch, you’re exhausted. The first thing you do? Grab your smartphone. And that does nothing but improve your energy level.
So forget your daily obligations for a while and go out. You will probably come home fitter than if you were to stay on the couch all evening. Need some inspiration? Then check out this list of fun things to do with your partner .
4. Make plans for the future
A forward-looking vision is the foundation of every strong relationship . This means that you see a future together and want to grow older together. It is therefore important to keep dreaming. Make sure that there are enough reasons to be optimistic about each other and your future together.
Make plans together and think of fun projects. Future plans keep you sharp and ensure that you look forward to tomorrow, next week and next year. In other words: that you look forward to all those days that you will spend together.
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