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It may be a bit difficult to imagine a new relationship just after the divorce. Yet, at some point, most people have a natural urge to find a new partner. In fact, many divorced men and women start looking for a new relationship after just a few months.
That in itself is of course a logical thought, because you have to move forward again. After all, you can’t just sit there and give up. Still, just the thought of a new relationship feels a bit crazy. How do you approach it all sensibly? We will discuss it with you below.
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A new relationship: how to approach it
The thought of ending up alone scares many people. That is not so strange, because you see people all around you who are happy together. Moreover, being alone is not good for you and you are actually expected to find a new other half.
If you have just come out of a divorce, it is anything but easy to suddenly have to go through life alone. It takes time to get used to it. In principle, that is also a good thing, because you need time to process your emotions and get over your ex . For that, it is best to be on your own sometimes.
In the meantime, however, you will have to learn more and more to enjoy the freedoms that come after divorce. From now on, you decide what you eat and what time you eat it.
Did you always take your partner’s sleeping times into account before? After the divorce, you have complete freedom to decide for yourself, just like which programs you watch on TV. In other words: there will be a lot of small and large choices that you can now make yourself.
A lot of uncertainty
That doesn’t mean that all these new choices are necessarily pleasant. Especially in the beginning, you will have to deal with a lot of uncertainty. Your family members and best friends will tell you that ‘everything will be fine’ and that ‘it will get better’. These are the encouraging phrases that should give you courage.
A divorce gives you a lot of uncertainty, in some cases even a kind of shame. This can especially be the case if you have children together, because you have not been able to prevent a divorce, which makes you feel guilty towards your shared children. How are you going to manage on your own?
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Turning uncertainty into relief
You would therefore do well to turn this uncertainty into relief. Now that the divorce is behind you, there is clarity for everyone: for you, your ex-partner, your family members and social contacts. There are also a lot of things that need to be arranged, because you may have moved and had to change jobs as a result. It should be clear: this phase causes a lot of uncertainty. And that is not always a bad thing.
8 tips for a new relationship after divorce
Because when all the hustle and bustle is over, it must be time to answer a number of new questions. One of them is how to build a new life after your divorce, possibly with a new partner. And we have some useful tips for that.
1. Take your time
Let’s be clear: it’s not always a good idea to rush into new love adventures. Remember that a lot has happened lately and that you might feel like you’re ready for a new relationship when you’re not. So take your time and realize that it’s okay to be alone for a while. It can even be good for the healing process to learn from yourself again.
2. No guilt, no room
It is also important not to give space to feelings of guilt. The fact that you recently divorced is (usually) not solely your fault. We are of course not aware of what happened during your breakup, but in any case there is no longer much point in constantly wondering whose fault it was.
Even if you meet a new partner, it is important that you do not have any feelings of guilt towards your ex-husband or ex-wife. You too have the right to be happy. And in this case it is with someone else.
3. Meeting new people
A divorce can also be a blow to your social life in some cases. It is not unusual that after losing your partner you also lose some of your friends. Is this the case for you? Then you would do well to get to know new people . Take the initiative and look for new contacts.
This immediately means that you will have to adjust your daily activities somewhat. For example, a new hobby can offer a solution, because it is, for example, at the sports club where you meet new people. Don’t know where to start? Then online dating after a divorce can also offer a solution.
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Dating sites
Dating sites are a solution if you want more anonymity or if you don’t have enough time to go out. Especially if you have children at home that you have to look after in the evenings, it is useful to start dating via the internet instead of visiting the café. The big advantage is that online dating sites are now available for almost every target group. From now on, date at your own pace.
Dating apps
We understand that it is quite a big step to start dating again after a long relationship. However, today’s mobile dating apps remove a significant barrier. We always have our smartphone at hand and that ensures that you are always available to meet new people with the various dating apps. Dating has never been easier than it is now. Use it to your advantage.
4. Only when you are ready
In all of the above cases, one thing should be central: you should only start dating when you feel completely ready for it. Looking for a new partner should not happen at times when you are still struggling with your previous relationship. You should stand firm and start dating when you feel strong enough.
Let’s not forget that you have just gone through a divorce and that probably means that you have been going through a rollercoaster of emotions. Only when everything is stable again should you think about starting a new relationship.
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5. Don’t compare your new partner to your ex
It is important to realize that your new partner is a unique person. Isn’t that obvious? Not entirely. Too often, new partners are compared to ex-partners and you have to let go of that. It wouldn’t be nice for you either if your new partner constantly talks about his or her ex and makes the nasty comparison with you.
We understand that you often think back to your previous partner, but let it go and look at your new partner as objectively as possible.
6. If necessary, think about the kids
Divorce is one thing, of course, but when there are children involved, it immediately becomes a lot more complicated. Is that the case in your situation? Then the previously mentioned tip to take your time applies not only to yourself, but also to your children. It is not a good idea to introduce a new flame to the children right away when you have a little crush.
Regardless of their age, divorce is always confusing for children. The fact that their father or mother has a new partner takes a lot out of them emotionally. Therefore, be careful and only introduce someone if you see a future together. Dating as a single parent is different, very different.
Just the thought of their father or mother making agreements with other people conjures up a strange image in their minds. It can even make children feel uncomfortable. Children need a lot of time and guidance, especially in the initial period after the divorce. When that time also has to be shared with your new partner, it can all become a bit too much for them.
So make sure that your children are your main priority and that you give them all the attention they need. If you have already started dating, make sure that you build it up slowly. Try to date when your children are with the other parent. That way you also have a nice prospect for the moments that you are alone.
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7. Prevent rebounds
What we want to warn you about are the so-called rebounds. These are the ’emergency relationships’ that are entered into as a distraction or to prevent frustration. What kind of frustrations? That of being alone or even sexual frustrations. However, it is not without reason that these types of relationships can be seen as rebounds: they rarely have a happy ending.
8. Never part again
What should you strive for? A relationship that feels natural when you feel good about it. Only then will you notice that it is actually quite nice to be with someone, even if it seemed far away during your divorce. The ultimate goal of your new relationship? To be happy forever and to never divorce again. Good luck!
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