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When it comes to dating lingo, there’s no shortage of popular phrases. From “ ghosting ” to “sliding into your DMs,” it can sometimes feel like singles in 2019 are speaking a different language altogether. One term that’s been around for a while but has stood the test of time is “taking it slow.”
You don’t hear it when you approach a woman on the street , not on Tinder and not during a one-night stand , but you do when you’re a bit further along. It’s the term that confuses and surprises you in the phase after the first date. What does it mean and why would you want to take it slow?
What does ‘taking it easy’ mean?
The expression ‘taking it easy’ is synonymous with insecurity, mainly fueled by bad experiences in the past. And so it can have different meanings. For example, it may mean that you do not want to become intimate for a certain period of time. Or you don’t want to meet up too often. In another case, it means that you want to wait to make the relationship “official.” But why would you do that?
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Why?
After a few kicks in the love department, everyone learns a valuable lesson. You want to avoid having your heart broken ever again , and thanks to these agonizing experiences, you now know what heartbreak feels like. With your luggage in your hand, you finally start to realize what you want and what you don’t want. And to find out if this is what you want you need time.
Although you may not want to string someone along, you take it slow to protect yourself. Experience has taught you not to jump in at the deep end, naively and blindly trusting the person you just met. The wall you have built prevents all your good intentions from being thrown out the window at the first sign of chemistry.
Do you feel a magical click ? Even then, you can move too fast in dating to ruin everything even faster. And that’s why people want to take it easy. Why someone wants to take it easy often has the same background, but there are a number of recurring situations when someone says this. Both in men and women. These are the common situations where she wants to take it easy, but feel free to replace ‘she’ with ‘him’.
1. She thinks it’s going too fast
Do you expect the third date to mean sex but she doesn’t go along with it? It’s a classic case of wrong expectations. The fact that she wants to take it slow probably has to do with the importance she gives to the intimate acts. She does not want to surrender physically yet if the emotional bond is not yet strong enough, a way to protect herself against the I-am-used feeling.
Additionally, some women find it inappropriate to have sex too soon, and follow their own no-sex rule. By taking it slow, she is able to grow the emotional connection at a pace that is comfortable for her.
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2. She just got out of a long relationship
If she has just gotten out of a long-term relationship, it is not surprising that she wants to take things slow. The thought of immediately immersing herself in an intense connection with someone else is a turn-off for most people. And if she has been cheated on, emotionally abused, or mistreated during this relationship, it can be even more challenging for her.
Taking it slow doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you. She needs time to let the connection develop at a pace that is comfortable for her.
3. She doesn’t know what she wants yet
New relationships are never easy. While you don’t know each other well yet, you are expected to make choices early on. And that can be a motivation to take it slow. She may not be able or willing to accelerate the relationship yet, because she still doesn’t know what she is looking for.
Therefore, she may want to get to know you better first, not commit to you right away or even explore her options by dating multiple men. Taking it slow allows her to maintain freedom before committing herself to you.
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4. She’s not sure about you
Can she keep her hands off you on one date but won’t even hold your hand the next? Then she is not sure about you as a person. She runs hot and cold. For example, she has difficulty with your image, your background or your player behavior . Whatever the reason, she’s doing it because she hasn’t decided yet whether she can trust you with her heart. And if she’s not sure about you, then you shouldn’t be either. Work on building trust but keep your options open because she does too.
5. She doesn’t want to screw it up
Hasty speed is rarely good, or if you do something too quickly, the chance of mistakes is greater. And if this statement applies to anything, it is dating. Many relationships that start too quickly end up leading to heartache and heartbreak . The reason? Because people sometimes commit to each other before they even get to know each other.
By taking it slow, typical relationship mistakes are avoided so that the foundation of the relationship is stronger. In other words, she doesn’t want to ruin the relationship by pushing things too far.
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6. She wants a different timing
You would like to shout your love for her from the rooftops, but she thinks differently and wants to take it easy for a while. That is because she has a different timing than you. The different milestones in a relationship have a different timing for everyone.
For example, one person wants to become Facebook friends during the Tinder conversation, the other only wants to become Facebook friends after you have met the parents. The timeline of the relationship milestones is simply different for her, so she follows her own timing that she feels good about.
It can be confusing to be confronted by someone who wants to take it easy. You would prefer to share a bed right away or make the relationship official. But she doesn’t want that (yet). It makes you doubt yourself and the relationship, but the reason why someone wants to take it easy is usually not you but the other person.
Knowing why she wants to take things slow should give you plenty of information on how to proceed. Perhaps she no longer wants to hit the same stone again due to events in previous relationships. Or she sees you as relationship material and thinks that this strategy helps not to ruin the beautiful things you have. Whatever the reason, you won’t really know what to do with it until you know what it means to her.
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