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If you are in a relationship, especially if it has been going on for a while, it can be difficult to end it; even if you know deep in your heart that that is better. Feelings can change, but your opinion about your partner can also change.
Were you madly in love at first and did you prefer not to see the bad sides? Over time, this may start to bother you and it is better to end the relationship. But when do you do that and especially: how do you do that? The fact is that it is always an unpleasant decision anyway; although the relief can be great once it is over.
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End the relationship immediately
Breaking up a relationship is usually a painful affair. There are couples who break up in good harmony, but there can also be situations where you end your relationship immediately.
When that happens, there is usually no ‘good harmony’ and you often end up on a rollercoaster because everything suddenly has to be arranged urgently. But if there is an urgent reason, this should never stop you from choosing yourself and ending the relationship immediately.
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1. When your partner cheats
It still happens that some partners lead a double life. It’s why websites like Second Love and Victoria Milan are booming. You think you are happy and have a nice life with your partner, but in the meantime he still has a second life, sometimes even with children.
When you find out this is often a big shock. Your whole world collapses when there suddenly turns out to be another partner who, in turn, also thought he was the only one. You have to be very strong if you want to save your relationship. If this happens to you, it is in any case a very good reason to end your relationship immediately.
2. When you are in love with someone else
Starting an affair is exciting and thrilling. But for your boyfriend or girlfriend it is of course far from fun to be cheated on . If you fall in love with someone else and come to the conclusion that you would rather continue with that other person, then it is a good reason to break off your current relationship. This is more honest than secretly continuing to see your new love .
It will be very painful for the person you leave behind, but in the end it is the only right choice you can make. So think carefully in advance what you are getting into. You now know what you benefit from your current relationship. A crush on someone else can disappear over time, leaving you empty-handed. So consider carefully whether your new love is worth giving up your life with your current partner for.
3. When you no longer love the other person
Being in love is different from ‘ love ‘. If you have just started a relationship, you are probably madly in love. You want nothing more than to be together day and night. Over time, that feeling will change into ‘love’. Your relationship will become calmer and the intense infatuation and the all-night lovemaking will become less. That is normal and not a reason to end your relationship.
Some people find this reason to end their relationship. They want to continue to feel in love forever and for that reason they can’t last long with anyone. But of course the ‘love’ has to remain. If that feeling has also disappeared after a while and you no longer see the other person as your lover, but more as a brother/sister, then it is fairer to end the relationship .
4. If you have an addicted partner
If your partner is addicted, this puts a heavy burden on a relationship. Addictions can be anything. Alcohol and drugs are the best known and often the most destructive addictions. But your partner can also be addicted to gambling, gaming or addicted to sex .
If this is the case, you can try to seek help, but the addicted partner must be open to this. If not, an addiction is a very good reason to leave a relationship.
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5. If you are dealing with domestic violence
Especially women, but sometimes men too, are victims of domestic violence. And unfortunately, it is very common that someone who experiences this, allows the abusive relationship to continue for far too long. Keep in mind that no one, including your partner, has the right to hit you or abuse you in any other way.
If a blow occurs and your partner shows genuine remorse, you may still be able to accept it. But every subsequent time is a reason to leave immediately or better yet: throw your partner out of the house. Especially when children are involved and especially when they are also physically or mentally abused. This is a real reason to end the relationship as quickly as possible, possibly with the help of authorities.
6. When you and your partner are not on the same level
People often look for a partner of about the same level; dating sites for highly educated singles are an example of this. There are relationships between a cleaner and an accountant, or the director of a care institution and a road builder, but usually a relationship works best if you are at about the same level.
If you meet someone and it turns out that the level is very different, ask yourself whether you can continue to appreciate that in the long term. If you like to discuss politics or the situation on the stock market while your partner prefers to watch soaps, there is a good chance that this will clash in the long term. Sometimes it is really better to end the relationship at an early stage.
7. If you are restricted in your freedom
In certain cultures it is quite normal for the woman to do what the man says. But in the Netherlands this is certainly not the norm. If your partner does not give you the freedom to go where you want and do what you want, then you should seriously ask yourself if the relationship you are in is good for you.
If you are not allowed to meet up with friends, are not allowed to go into town and have to account for every euro you spend, then there is oppression. This is destructive and harmful to your well-being.
Discussing things is normal, but having a partner who decides what happens without you having any say in it? It will eventually break you. Incidentally, it is not only women who are in this situation, it also happens to men.
8. If the desire to have children is a problem
If you want children, or if you absolutely do not want them, and your partner thinks very differently about it, then that is a valid reason to end a relationship. It is certainly not a good idea for a woman to secretly stop taking the pill and put your boyfriend on the spot with a pregnancy. And it is also not a good idea to string your boyfriend along that you ‘someday’ want children with him while you know for sure that you do not want them.
If this is a point of contention, it is better to end the relationship before it is too late. This is when you are both still of an age to make the choice. This is better than continuing when you both know that opinions on this important point differ greatly. This will prevent the accusation that there are children that one parent did not want, or that there are no children when one partner would have loved to have them.
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9. If you have a manipulative partner
If your partner manipulates you systematically, this can cause you to eventually succumb. Manipulation can occur in different ways; for example, if you are confronted by your partner with ‘if-then’ or ‘if not-then’ situations.
If your partner threatens with things like “If you go to your girlfriend now, there will be blows,” or “If you don’t stay with me, I’ll commit suicide,” then this is an alarming situation. Especially when threatening suicide or other irreversible violence, it is important to take action as soon as possible.
Someone who openly threatens suicide often does not do so, but you cannot rule it out. Especially if your partner threatens to harm others if something happens that he does not want, the situation is very serious and it is important to seek professional help. Choose yourself and end the relationship if it appears that there is no improvement.
10. If your partner is involved in criminal activities
If your partner goes astray and is involved in burglaries, robberies, drug dealing or other criminal activities, this is a good reason to end the relationship immediately. It may be nice to enjoy the luxuries when the money is pouring in, but don’t forget that you are an accomplice and could end up in jail with your criminal partner if he or she is caught.
If there are children in the relationship, they will have to be placed with relatives or in a foster family if both parents are in custody. This is a situation you definitely don’t want. If there are violent situations, this is certainly a reason to end your relationship as quickly as possible.
11. When your partner only thinks about themselves
When you get into a relationship, you want to be appreciated. So whatever your loved one likes, you like too. But it should not be the case that all attention goes to your partner and his hobbies and interests. It is about giving and taking; If the balance is not there , a relationship is difficult to maintain.
For example, if he is a fanatic amateur athlete, then it is of course nice if you cheer him on during competitions. But if you like to go to classical concerts and your partner never wants to go with you, and can’t stand it when you listen to a classical radio station at home, then you should seriously ask yourself if you are really that good together.
The same goes for holidays, for example. If you like cultural tours and your partner prefers to lie by the pool of a Turkish 5-star resort, then you can of course decide to go on holiday separately. But whether you will like that in the long term is the question.
12. When others tell you you’re being scammed
Both men and women run the risk of being deceived via the internet. They meet someone via a dating site or Facebook and fall madly in love: without ever having met this person. As soon as the infatuation is a fact, the stories and the questions come. Money is needed for a sick mother, a broken car or a washing machine.
Or there is a debt that needs to be paid, because the creditor is threatening further action. And you are the one who has to help, because you love each other. No matter how much pressure there is: don’t do it. Break the online relationship and certainly don’t transfer any money.
If it is someone who lives abroad, according to his profile on the dating site, then there is a good chance that this person does not exist at all. If it is a Dutch person you may have even met, there is a chance that he or she has more of these types of ‘relationships’ in addition to you, with the aim of raising as much money as possible.
Once you are ‘plucked bare’ you are dumped and left with huge debts, which will take years to pay off. As hard as it is: get out of such a relationship before it gets you into huge trouble.
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Make the decision to quit in time
If you are in a relationship and you are not happy anymore, you can do two things: you can try to change the situation, or you can end the relationship. If you want to end it is only fair to say so.
A good moment rarely comes, so it’s best to make it clear as soon as possible. Especially when a relationship is still early, it is fair to end it if you come to the conclusion that this is not what you want. Allowing a relationship to continue for years while you have been sure from the start that you do not want to grow old with this partner is very unfair.
It is very painful for your partner to be told at the time of your breakup that you actually wanted to do this 3 years ago, but that for some reason it just didn’t happen.
Seek help if there is no other option
In the situation where you actually have to end your relationship immediately, it is important to actually do this. If there is violence, it can sometimes be necessary to call for help to end your relationship. If you do not dare to leave because you are afraid that things will happen, you can, for example, try to get away when your partner is not home.
If this is not possible, for example because you are constantly being watched, you can contact the police or a support agency anonymously. And try to confide in a friend or family member and together come up with an ‘escape plan’ to bring yourself and any children to safety.
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