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Smoking, nail biting, fast food and excessive drinking: these are all bad habits that you want to unlearn. All these examples are bad habits of your own, of which you alone suffer the consequences. And as long as you only have yourself involved, then it’s your own choice, right?
In theory it sounds logical, but in reality you are often not the only one suffering from your bad habits. You accept the possible consequences for yourself, and indirectly make this choice for the people around you. Bad habits are rarely only bad for yourself.
In addition to bad habits with direct consequences for yourself, there are also bad habits that can ruin your relationship. These are your mannerisms, routines and actions that also have an effect on your partner. These habits have direct consequences not only for yourself, but also for your partner. In a relationship, this selfish behavior can lead to serious relationship problems and possibly even a permanent breakup.
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12 bad habits
In a relationship, both partners are expected to fully accept each other’s good qualities and flaws. However, if the flaws continue to develop and accumulate over time, they can eventually ruin the relationship. To prevent this from happening, it is your responsibility to recognize your own flaws so that you can fix them before it is too late.
1. Trying to change your partner
Nobody is perfect. Everyone finds that out at some point. In relationships, this happens after the period of falling in love, as soon as the hormones return to their original levels. Suddenly you see the flaws that you were blind to earlier in the relationship. He’s a little less attentive than you hoped, or she’s not that romantic at all.
You can ask your partner to change the unwanted behavior, but you cannot ask your partner to change. Because otherwise your partner would deny himself.
“Isn’t it time you started paying attention to what you eat?”
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2. Constantly nagging your partner
There is a difference between whining and nagging. And in this case, it is not about complaining that you are in pain, but because your partner is not doing something. It starts with a question that is not answered, because the partner wants to maintain some control, and ends in a hopeless situation where the pattern perpetuates itself. In relationships, ‘nagging’ is one of the most hated aspects, regularly mentioned in the relationship therapy room as the culprit for everything that goes wrong.
“You still haven’t done the laundry?!”
3. Passive aggressive behavior towards your partner
It’s a pattern of behavior that can ruin any relationship: passive aggressive behavior. Maybe you are guilty of it yourself, because you do it unconsciously in the arguments you fight. With this behavior pattern you avoid direct confrontation, only to get back at your partner later in retaliation. The anger is hidden; you say one thing, mean another.
“No, never mind, I’ll do it myself now.”
4. Getting distracted by your smartphone
It’s 2019: technology has become an integral part of your life. The smartphone is never less than a meter away from you and you grab it every free moment. And while your partner talks to you, you keep scrolling. It’s called phubbing: ignoring others while on your phone. But if you do this too much, it will have a negative effect on your relationship.
The solution? Avoid any use of your smartphone in the presence of your partner so that you can reconnect with your partner in a real way.
“Huh, what did you say?”
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5. Not keeping agreements
“A deal is a deal,” but not everyone thinks that way. In many relationships there is a partner who regularly does not keep the agreements. Sometimes it leads to an argument, sometimes it is ignored. What everyone agrees on: if it happens to you, you don’t like it.
Your partner expects you to keep your promise when you promise something. And if you do not keep this agreement, it means a breach of trust. If you do this regularly, you will disappoint your partner again and again, until it is over.
“Sorry honey, I thought: one more time to get the hang of it.”
6. Taking your partner for granted
After three years in a relationship, you feel like you know each other inside and out. You’re happy with what you have and you feel content. Time to sit back and let go of the reins. Sunday breakfast in bed has made way for a big breakfast, and only on his or her birthday. Until you stop doing that. You’ve started taking your partner for granted: a bad habit that can ruin your relationship.
7. Not having confidence in your partner
Dealing with jealousy in a relationship is tough. You doubt your relationship and think you “know” what your partner is thinking. Or you relate everything to yourself and because of your negative self-image you think catastrophically: the worst-case scenario is what you worry about at night. And that is why you check on your partner 24/7.
From the emails and texts to the likes on social media, nothing escapes you. But what you do miss is that you are digging yourself deeper into trouble, while your partner feels controlled and chained. It is jealous behavior that marks the beginning of the end.
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8. Comparing your partner to others
Whether you compare your partner to a new colleague who is quite nice, or an ex who dumped you: comparing is not beneficial to your relationship. The risk of this is that you set the bar too high for your partner, so that he or she can do nothing but fail. It is better for your relationship if you encourage your partner to be a better person, instead of constantly comparing him or her to others and then putting them down.
“Why can’t you do that, while […] can?”
9. Bottling up your emotions and feelings
Bottling up inner fats and everything: it’s not good for your relationship. If you don’t talk about your emotions and feelings, your partner will not understand or comfort you. You can do it to appear strong or fear rejection. Whatever the reason, you can’t get closer if you don’t open up. And if you can’t do that, then it’s a danger to the relationship.
10. Continually bringing up old issues
It is annoying and irritating: bringing up almost forgotten events when you disagree. Bringing up old cows from the ditch irritates and as everyone understands, it is not beneficial for your relationship. If you do this, you must learn to forgive your partner when he or she makes a mistake. And then forget about it. If you keep track of your partner’s mistakes over and over again to bring them up at a later time, this will have a negative impact on your relationship.
“Oh yeah? And that time you did […] was definitely okay?!”
11. Expressing your dissatisfaction with your partner’s loved ones
You don’t get to choose your in-laws. They are part of the package you have chosen. And while you may hate your second family the most, it doesn’t help the relationship if you constantly bring it up. On the contrary: it is even wise to be very careful with this subject, because it is almost never appreciated.
12. Hiding things from your partner
Whether it’s the debts you try to hide when the blue envelope lands on the doormat again, or whether you hide cookies while you’re losing weight; these small and big lies can ruin a relationship.
The most innocent lies seem harmless to the relationship, but they are not. Because if your partner finds out that you are able to keep your secret hidden so well, what else do you have to hide?
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