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There is a fine line between influence and manipulation. Sometimes it seems like you are being persuaded by valid arguments, when in reality you are being manipulated into changing your mind. We all experience it in our lives and the relationships we have.
From chatting on Tinder to disagreements behind closed doors, in all of these situations you may encounter manipulation and its various tactics.
These manipulation tactics are often learned from an early age, to be used consciously and unconsciously later in life. And in some cases the tactics are learned, to be used when it suits. So even if you don’t see yourself as a manipulator, you may be using one of these tactics without even realizing it.
7 Manipulative Tactics
The most well-known tactics used to manipulate others are explained by David J. Lieberman, a pioneer in human behavior. 1
These are guilt, intimidation, flattery, fear, curiosity, your desire to be liked and love. If you use any of these tactics, you are trying to influence the balance of power. Because if you can’t win with arguments, these tactics help you play on your emotions.
1. Guilt
“How could you think that of me? I thought you trusted me.”
“Did I stand in the kitchen for three hours for nothing?”
2. Intimidation
“Just go along, otherwise everyone will laugh at you.”
“Which of us studied for it? I can do that better.”
3. Flattery
“Do you want to do this? You are the smartest of the two of us.”
“Do you have those shoes new? Beautiful. Hey, do you have some time for…?
4. Angst
“Are you sure you want this? It could easily mean the end of the relationship.”
“Just try it and see what happens.”
5. Curiosity
“Just do it. It is better to regret what you have done than what you have not done.”
“We really need to go on holiday. Have you seen the beaches of Curaçao?”
6. Our desire to be loved
“I thought you were sweet, but maybe I was wrong.”
“You’re a hero if you can finish this for me.”
7. Love
“If you really loved me, you wouldn’t even think about it.”
“You know I would never do that to you, right?”
How do you recognize these tactics?
Manipulation is a game that is often not played fairly. That it is a manipulative tactic is not said. To recognize it, listening is the most important thing: not only to the words, but especially to the message behind it.
Are you being told to take advantage of it? Or is it a disinterested comment? Is it a way to gain control over you or the situation? Or not? If you think it is a manipulative tactic, get the facts so as not to be misled.