What is Settling Down? Here’s When You Do and When You Don’t

The first infatuation eventually turns into a stable, long-term relationship. If you have been in a relationship for a while, the next step is often to move in together with your partner. However, this is a big step that many men and women often have difficulty with.

How do you know for sure if you are ready to settle down? And is your partner ready for this next exciting step in your relationship?

What exactly is settling down?

The first months, or years, of your relationship, you will still live apart from your partner. You may still live with your parents, in a student house or have your own apartment or rented house. You often travel back and forth to see each other often, but eventually the next step is to move in together. You will have to choose a place where you want to settle down together, but what does that term actually mean?

When people talk about settling down, they often talk about moving in with their partner. This is actually what the term largely means: to live somewhere, settle down and lead a regular life.

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When Couples Settle on Average

One of the questions most often asked when it comes to settling down is at what age this happens most often on average. In recent years, couples are starting to have children later and taking longer to get to know each other before moving in together.

A study found that couples have known each other for an average of 6.5 years before tying the knot. Cohabitation often occurs a little earlier and is usually around 2 to 3 years after the start of the relationship. 

When couples start living together also depends on the age at which couples start a relationship: a couple that gets into a relationship during their high school years will obviously take longer before they start living together than couples who already have a permanent job.

Millennials take more time

It is striking that especially millennials are taking longer to be ready to settle down. Both men and women want to make a career and achieve other goals before they are ready for a house, a tree, a pet.

It is becoming more and more common for couples to travel a lot and be financially independent before they move in together. In the past, moving in together and getting married was the first step towards becoming an adult, but now it is often the last step. In addition, many millennials want to make sure that their relationship is stable enough before they officially move in together and eventually get married. So it seems that millennials are a lot more practical and a lot less romantic.

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Differences between men and women

When it comes to settling down, living together and getting married, there are big differences between men and women. In general, women are much quicker to move in together and usually want to do this around the age of 23 or 24. This is often different for men. On average, men are between 26 and 33 years old before they are really ready to commit.

• Women: 23 – 24 years old
• Men: 26 – 33 years old

There are also differences between men who start working immediately after high school and men who first go to college. For men who start working straight away, the age is around 24 when they are ready to start a family. For men who first want to complete a study, this age is slightly older, namely around 28 years.

Of course, these numbers are just averages and it varies per individual and couple when they are ready for the next step in their relationship. It also turned out that when men get older than 33, they become less interested in a relationship and prefer to be single. Timing is therefore essential if you want to hook a nice man.

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Signs your partner is ready to settle down

It can be hard to tell when your partner is ready to settle down. It’s hard to pick up on all the hints, but there are a few things you can look for to tell if he or she is ready to move in together.

First of all, and also quite obvious, is when your partner talks about buying a house. Does your partner often talk about the interior of your house? About the location? Then your partner is seriously thinking about moving in with you.

In addition, the behavior towards you is also important. If you are the contact person in case of emergency and you are the first person your partner shares everything with, then that is a sign that your partner trusts you very much and wants to build a future together with you.

Another sign that your partner is ready can be seen in their group of friends and lifestyle. If your partner’s friends start to settle down, the step will become easier for your partner, which will make the desire to do the same greater.

It is also important that your partner is independent and no longer has contact with his parents for everything. Does your partner plan far ahead? About holidays next year or concerts that will not take place for a few months? That is also a sign that your partner wants you by his side in the future.

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The right person to take the next step with

Are you still unsure whether you are ready to take the next step in your relationship and move in together? It is important for this that you can think rationally and logically. You can’t make a good decision about such a big step if you are still head over heels in love. You will often make hasty choices and be guided by feelings and hormones . There are a number of things that can tell you that you are ready for this next step in your relationship.

It is extremely important that you and your partner want to give each other 100 percent and that you see a future together. You do your best to understand each other and think about the future in the same way. For example, do you want to live in the middle of the city, but your partner prefers the countryside? Does your partner want a family with 6 children and you don’t want to think about it? These are matters that you should discuss carefully in advance.

Do your dreams and visions match those of your partner? Then this is a good indication that your relationship will last even if you move in together.

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Honesty, respect and acceptance

The person you want to settle down with should really be your buddy and the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Of course, you should be honest with each other and be able to resolve conflicts in a good way . Furthermore, it is very important to accept each other.

Give each other space when necessary; even if you move in together. Make agreements about when you will have friends over and how you want to handle costs and housework. This way the chance of success is much greater.

You have to see ‘you’ as a team and motivate each other to get the most out of life. You must also dare to be vulnerable, be emotional and support each other in difficult moments.

Moving in together and settling down is a big step and will be a big change for both of your lives. But if you are both ready, have had a good talk about the future and love each other very much, then nothing will hold you back.

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