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“You know, looking back, I’m glad she dumped me.” It was a year after David received a text from his girlfriend. He thought about what he had been through in the past year. And especially about the app that was going to change his life.
A year ago, things weren’t going so well between David and his girlfriend, but he never expected it to end like this. While he was unsuspectingly at work, his girlfriend packed her things and moved back in with her parents. She broke up with him with a text message : “I can’t take it anymore. When you come home tonight, I’m gone.”
“Yes, we’ll talk tonight,” David replied. He continued working as if nothing had happened. In the past things always worked out… but not this time. Only once he got home did he realize that it was really over. But why? “He had been a good friend to her,” he thought. “However?”
He wasn’t.
It wasn’t until David got home and gave the text the attention it deserved that the penny dropped. This was it: she was gone. It was over. And what’s more, she had dumped him with an impersonal text. “How could she do that?” he thought. “It wasn’t that bad, was it?” David blamed her for the sad feeling that would dominate him for the next few months.
It took David a year to realize everything he was doing wrong in the relationship. He was no longer angry at his ex for breaking up with him over a text. He was disappointed in himself, for everything he did – and especially didn’t do – in the relationship.
David realized he had to change if he ever wanted to have a healthy relationship. And when he realized that, he said, “You know, looking back, I’m glad she dumped me.”
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The Lessons We Learn From Failed Relationships
There is a David in all of us, someone who learns from the mistakes made in the past. It is the baggage we take with us to new relationships. As the saying goes, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And so every failed relationship provides useful experiences that help you in future relationships.
The bitter relationships in our lives often end up being the classroom where we learn our most valuable lessons. In fact, the worst exes and the worst versions of yourself are the people you can learn the most from. They teach you the important lessons about who you are, who you want to be, and what you’re looking for. Here are some of the lessons people learn from their past relationships.
1. Not all men or women are the same
It’s very easy to blame a gender when only one person has done something to you. After several relationships you discover that such prejudices can be refuted. Generalizations don’t work in relationships. They lead to incorrect conclusions. For example, if you have only seen white swans, you may start to think that all swans are white. But if you look into it, you will discover that there are also swans in other colors.
2. It’s better to be alone than lonely in a relationship
There is a big difference between being alone and being lonely. You can be alone, happy and spend your time with friends, family, work and hobbies. A bad relationship in which you feel lonely feels much worse than when you are alone and not in a relationship. When you are alone, you fill the void with others. When you’re lonely in a relationship, you fill the void with a part of yourself.
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3. All endings are new beginnings
A breakup can hurt. You may feel lost. And that can have a significant impact on how you feel. But where one stops, another begins: a new life. The end of a relationship is not the end of the world. Saying goodbye to a relationship gives you a new opportunity to rearrange your life.
4. Love alone is not enough
Love is indeed the foundation of a relationship, but that doesn’t get you there yet. Love alone is not enough . It is no guarantee of a successful relationship. Distance, circumstances, characters and many more factors play a role in a relationship. When you build a relationship, love is the foundation. It is the basis and reason for existence. What you put on the foundation then determines whether the whole thing will remain standing.
5. Love and lust are not comparable
Lust is the physical attractiveness you feel when you are attracted to someone. For many people it is the indicator that ‘this could be the one’. But then they discover that lust is not the same as love . Just because you feel lust does not immediately mean that it will work in a relationship. That requires love: with or without the extreme feelings of lust.
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6. Relationships are never perfect
We’re surrounded by seemingly perfect couples on Instagram feeds, romantic movies, and reality shows. But even though we all know that most of what we see is fake, we still crave perfection. This is also the case in our relationships. All the perfect images make us think that relationships have to be perfect. But if your past relationships can teach you anything, it’s that relationships will never be perfect.
7. That gut feeling is there for a reason
If you feel that something is wrong, then there is almost always something very wrong. That gut feeling is your intuition telling you to listen to what you feel. The signals that you unconsciously pick up are expressed as a stimulus in your gut: together, the stimuli let you know that something is going on. It can be something nice, but more often it is a hint that bad news is coming.
8. It doesn’t matter what other people think
We all worry far too much about what others think. This influence from others prevents people from living their relationships the way they want. It prevents them from ending a relationship , so that they regret not having done so sooner. Or they give it a second chance , because others think that is better. They adapt to the wishes of others and continue to wander with the question: “What if?” In the end, it is better to regret the choices you have made, than the choices you have not made.
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9. Every break is evidence of growth
We all tend to believe that a breakup is the result of the mistakes we make. We see it as a negative experience. But that’s not it at all. You didn’t choose the wrong person . You haven’t wasted any time and you haven’t wasted any energy. You have reached a milestone that brings you closer to your goal, because you now know better what you do and do not want. And you will never doubt afterwards whether something might have been better, because you can now investigate it.
10. Time heals all wounds
No matter how deep you have sunk in the feelings of sadness. No matter how lonely you feel. And no matter how big the breach in your broken heart is. There will come a time when you will be happy again. The first sting hurts, but once you have bled the sharp edges disappear. And eventually the pain fades further into the background and the bleeding stops, so you can be happy with yourself and your life again.
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