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Having a nice and stable relationship is the dream of every couple. No doubts, certainty and clarity. But it sometimes happens that an argument or discussion arises. If you would like to work together towards a pleasant get-together, it is important that you observe a number of golden rules.
Rules ensure that you can enjoy time together and therefore you have a much more positive outlook on life. Discover the 10 golden rules of a stable relationship and discuss with each other which rules you would like to apply in your romance.
Why are rules important in a relationship?
Just like in a sports competition, it is also important in a stable relationship to apply a number of golden rules. Not to make each other’s lives miserable, but sometimes you have to take each other into account. That is why it is good to draw up a number of rules together, so that you do not make the wrong choices in the relationship. But it is also important that you don’t put up too many, otherwise it won’t be fun anymore.
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Untenable and no manual
You chose each other because you like each other and because you respect each other’s values and standards. Rules actually serve as a kind of handbook, so that you have something to fall back on if one of the parties does not adhere to them. This could, for example, be adultery or keeping something a secret from each other . In addition, it ensures that a situation does not become untenable. It ensures that you know what to expect from each other.
Clarity and security
Just like with a sports competition, there is a need for a guideline that everyone must adhere to. Otherwise, everyone does what he or she wants. And then the sports competition is no longer useful. This also applies to a stable relationship. By adopting a number of rules, you gain clarity and feel safe . The idea is that you take responsibility for the presence of the other person in your life.
10 golden rules in a stable relationship
So there are a number of golden rules that are important in a stable relationship, but there are also things that are certainly not possible. You naturally want a successful romance and that is why it is essential that you value each other, but that you also provide a sustainable basis. You want to build something together and have a great future, so why would you ruin that for the other person? We will tell you about 10 (unwritten) rules in a stable relationship.
1. Don’t cheat on someone else
The first unwritten golden rule we will discuss is of course cheating . Nothing is more painful than finding out that your loved one has been sleeping with someone else. That is why this is one of the most important rules in the list. Talk to each other about what you mean by cheating. Some people think flirting is fine, but others think this is not done .
By drawing up a list together, you also have it clearly laid out on paper, so that you can always fall back on it. The basis of a stable relationship is respect for each other.
2. Don’t lie to each other
It is sometimes said that a white lie should be allowed, but the second unwritten rule in a stable relationship is that you never lie to each other or keep anything a secret from the other person. Unless it’s a birthday surprise of course. Always be open to each other and discuss it together if something is bothering you. Don’t lie about it or keep it from your partner, because sooner or later the other person will find out. In addition, it is not pleasant – for both parties – if there is lying in a relationship .
3. Don’t swear at each other
You may have arguments and that is actually only healthy from time to time in a stable relationship. However, a third unwritten rule is that you do not swear at each other. You can apologize as many times as you like, but you can’t erase it from your partner’s memory.
In addition, it may happen that sooner or later you or your partner will bring up the hurtful words again in another argument. Try to talk it out in a calm manner or, if necessary, take ten minutes away.
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4. Don’t make generalizations
Have you ever caught yourself making generalizations? It happens to the best of us, but it is better to avoid this in a stable relationship. The fourth unwritten rule is therefore not to make statements in a discussion such as:
- “You never listen to me.”
- “You never do x.”
- “Why do you always do x?”
Of course your partner listens to you, but in the moment of anger it feels like this never happens. In reality, your partner does things right more often than wrong. When you realize that, you discover that you can convey the words in a different way:
- “I feel better when you compliment me every now and then.”
- “Can I get your full attention at x.”
- “Do you have time to discuss x later?”
5. Don’t argue in the bedroom
A discussion is quickly had, but if things get out of hand, a fifth unwritten rule of a stable relationship is that you don’t do this in the bedroom. Or just before you go to sleep. This place is necessary to relax, to sleep, to snack, to watch TV and to have sex.
If you start an argument or discussion here, it is associated with conflict and there is negative energy in this place. It is then difficult to turn the bedroom into a place of rest.
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6. Behave around children
In a stable relationship you come to a point where you have children together. Arguments occur in (almost) every romance, but the sixth unwritten rule is not to raise your voice in the presence of children. The noise you produce can frighten (young) children and can disrupt routines. This is especially the case if they do not yet understand what exactly is going on.
This also applies to pets, because they also quickly become upset when shouted. Therefore, make sure you discuss the problem with your partner at a later time.
7. Don’t throw things when you’re angry
The seventh unwritten rule is that you should never throw objects at the other person during an angry mood or argument. It can quickly lead to escalation or even worse: hurting someone. Take a few seconds to breathe deeply and think about why exactly you are angry.
Talk it out calmly or take some distance. You are not supposed to become aggressive and throw objects at someone. It doesn’t solve the argument and it only hurts the other person.
8. Don’t say mean things to each other
When you are angry with each other, it is quite normal that you try to make the other person angrier. But does that really help? For example, the eighth unwritten rule is that during an argument you do not use personal things to belittle the other person. It is not nice that it is further emphasized that you are bald or that you do not dare to speak in front of a large group of people.
Just like swearing, these examples are stored in the brain and come up again at a later time. And that does not contribute to a stable relationship.
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9. Don’t ignore each other for more than a day
Some partners sometimes have the habit of giving the other the silent treatment . As a way to punish the partner, communication is turned off. And that does not lead to a stable relationship. Such psychological games only create tension and lead to more arguments. Examples include walking along the hallway and not saying anything or being in the living room and ignoring the other person.
Don’t ignore each other for too long and certainly don’t “punish” each other: it’s unwritten rule number nine. Therefore, make clear agreements with each other. It’s okay to leave each other alone for an hour, because this way you let the other person think about what exactly happened. But don’t make it much longer.
10. Don’t lean on trivial things
Both sexes may recognize themselves in the last unwritten rule that does not contribute to a stable relationship. During an argument, things are sometimes said such as ‘You gave me a useless birthday present three years ago’. You dig up something from the past and try to justify your behavior with it. But… it doesn’t help.
There’s no point in bringing this up. Focus on the now and don’t drag old cows out of the ditch. Your partner has a hard time defending himself and it is unfair to bring up something like that. After all, nothing can be changed and it does not lead to a stable relationship.
Communication is key in a stable relationship
Conclusion: be kind to each other in a stable relationship. But also remember that not every couple is perfect and that arguments will arise from time to time. By adhering to the above golden rules, you are well on your way to ensuring a pleasant and strong relationship . Communication is the most important thing in a romance, so discuss these rules together.
Do you recognize yourself in one of the above rules and would you like to change something about it? Then discuss it with your partner so that you can have a more stable relationship together.
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