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Knowing that someone likes you is a great feeling. But just because they like you doesn’t mean they’re ready for a committed relationship. And while you would really like nothing more than to have a long-term relationship with this person, that may not be possible at all.
We all experience mood swings from time to time. What we experience during the day changes our state of mind. For example, in the morning you are a bit grumpy because you had to get up early, while later in the day you feel energetic and cheerful. And that is very normal. But some of us experience intense mood swings and extreme emotions that are not normal.
Do you often feel like your relationship is an emotional rollercoaster? Is it always a question of what your partner’s mood is like? And is your partner intensely happy with the relationship one day only to suddenly break it off the next day ? Then there is a good chance that you are in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unstable. We will tell you more about unstable relationships and how you can recognize someone with emotional instability.
What is an unstable relationship?
An unstable relationship is one that is characterized by highs and lows . In these relationships the ‘ups’ and ‘downs’ come in quick succession. Sometimes it might only last a few minutes or an hour, sometimes half a day or more. Thanks to these changes, the mood is difficult to predict and you never really know how the relationship is going. It changes continuously. It is also said of unstable relationships that there is ‘always drama’. Or in a more positive way: they are relationships with ‘a lot of passion’.
The most common reason for these types of relationships to develop? Not being able to control emotions and communicate them in a normal way with a partner. The people in these relationships therefore often have no control over their own behavior and fail to control their urges. The result? That escalations cannot be prevented.
When it comes to a partner, you can see and notice when they feel angry, sad or frustrated. But they have little control over the way they express it. They can get upset easily and switch quickly between different emotional states.
On and off: the flashing light relationship
When small disagreements continue to escalate into major arguments, the relationship may experience a negative pattern of coming and going. This is also called a flashing light relationship . One moment you attract each other, the next moment you push the other away. One day you are very happy and the next day you are having an intense fight over nothing. In these relationships it is common for at least one of the two to be emotionally unstable.
Dealing with emotional instability is exhausting. It is destructive to the relationship . It can be difficult to feel completely comfortable, yourself, and safe with someone who is emotionally unstable. In practice, a relationship with an emotionally unstable person requires quite a bit of commitment and energy. This can make it difficult to concentrate on other areas of your life.
Why then are so many people stuck in such an on-again, off-again relationship? Although they are extremely tiring and sometimes even traumatic, they can also be very exciting, passionate, captivating. Thanks to the alternation of ‘highs’ and ‘lows’, these relationships are also addictive. Researchers have seen that rejection by a partner lights up parts of the brain associated with addiction, reward, craving and depression.
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10 signs that someone is emotionally unstable
Do you feel like your partner reacts out of proportion to negative events? Are you always afraid of the next outburst of anger? Or do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells? These are ten signs by which you can recognize emotional instability.
1. They switch quickly between different emotional states
When you’re in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unstable, it sometimes feels like you’re watching ‘Good Times, Bad Times’. It’s all highs and lows. One moment you are hugging intimately, the next moment you have each other in a hold.
Emotionally unstable people switch very quickly between different emotional states. This makes it difficult to predict what the other person’s mood will be. And what is especially a problem in relationships: they often take their emotions out on others.
“Sorry, honey. What I did yesterday was wrong. I want you back.”
2. They make impulsive decisions
Emotionally unstable people are more likely to be guided by their hunches. They therefore react impulsively more often. It is possible that your partner suddenly decides to end the relationship, without really thinking about the consequences. Only when the dark cloud has passed do they realize the consequences of the impulsive decision.
3. They can be very intense
There are different ways in which this intensity can express itself. For example, it can be expressed when your partner is extremely enthusiastic about you. Maybe that is also why you feel so loved. But people who are extremely intense about their positive feelings are also intense about their negative feelings. And this can mean that they can be very explosive when they are angry or sad.
4. They get upset easily
People who are emotionally unstable may become upset for no apparent reason. They have little control over their emotions. This can happen, for example, when something happens that they did not take into account. Or when they are not right, even though in their eyes they deserve it. Because they have difficulty expressing themselves, they quickly become frustrated.
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5. They fear criticism or rejection
People who are not stable in their emotions are often prone to mood swings. This is also called psychological instability or lability. They are very afraid of negative emotional experiences, such as criticism or rejection. This is because they are often insecure about themselves and feel misunderstood by others.
6. They run from problems
Instead of facing the situation, they try to avoid the problem. This could be about work, studies or financial matters . They are more likely to ignore it and run from it than to act on it. And this can also be about emotional matters, such as relationships. In relationships this can manifest itself when the topic of the conversation is constantly changed or the relationship ends when things become too difficult emotionally.
“What you think is wrong. What I think is right!”
7. They cannot understand the points of view of others
Being able to understand other people’s points of view helps us stay emotionally balanced. For example, if you can understand why something is important to someone else, even if it isn’t to you, then you can respond with understanding. If they can’t, then they only see it from their own perspective. And that leads to misunderstanding and conflict.
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8. They are not empathetic
You experienced something you didn’t like, tell your partner about it and expect a certain response in return. But you don’t get that. Does it seem like your partner is having trouble understanding your feelings? People who are emotionally unstable often have difficulty putting themselves in the shoes of others.
9. They have a lot of conflict
People who have problems processing and controlling their emotions have many conflicts with other people. At least, more than an average person. It could be conflicts at work, at school, or at home. In a relationship, these people quickly feel hurt , are distrustful and very sensitive.
10. They never admit they’re wrong
Instead of admitting guilt, they will lie and make excuses. When you are emotionally unstable, you have no control over your feelings. This makes you more likely to blame others or the situation. This is a pattern to keep in mind if your partner is emotionally unstable.
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