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When you’re in love, you can’t think of anything else. All you can think about is that one person. You’re on a pink cloud, you feel happy and everything seems perfect. But after this intense initial phase, love grows into a calmer and more stable relationship. This is normal and not a problem at all, but it does mean that you have to invest more in your relationship to achieve the same results.
In the initial phase, everything happens completely automatically – as if you don’t have to do anything. You are so in love that both of you want to do nothing but spend time together. But once the love hormones start to descend, the relationship becomes a lot calmer. And then it can happen that you start to take the other person for granted .
To avoid taking the other person for granted, it is important that you continue to invest in a relationship: that you put the same effort, time and attention into your relationship as before. And when it comes to investing, then – as any good accountant would tell you – it is also about the return. We will tell you more about investing in a relationship.
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What is investing in a relationship?
Investing in a relationship stands for everything you add to the bond between you and someone else. People, in general, tend to invest a lot in their relationships. You put time, energy, money, memories and emotions into it. And your material possessions are also added to the equation, so that the relationship ultimately consists of much more than the two people in it.
A relationship can add a lot of love, meaning and happiness to your life. Every investment in the relationship is aimed at that goal. You put more into it so that the value and return on the relationship increases. Everything you do to add value to the relationship or your partner’s life is an investment. But when we talk about investing in a relationship, it is not (only) about money.
How do you invest in a relationship?
If you want a successful and loving relationship, you cannot avoid investing in the relationship. The more you invest, the more the value of the relationship increases. If you don’t invest anything, the value decreases. And the more you invest in the relationship, the more your partner will invest too . There are a number of ways you can invest in the relationship.
1. Create a moment of full attention every day
To invest more in your relationship, you can create a moment every day in which you give the other person your full attention. In most relationships there is a rush: you come home from work, quickly make something to eat, take a shower, watch TV and then go back to bed. Even though you’re together all evening, you don’t make a real connection . Of course you pay attention to each other, but not completely.
A possible investment in the relationship is therefore to leave all distractions behind. You create a quiet moment where you really look at the other person and pay attention to each other. Talk about each other’s day, feelings and enjoy each other’s presence.
2. Show physical affection every day
A kiss, a hug, a caress or another form of skin-to-skin contact: it is these small investments that can make the difference. Just as we all have a need for food, we also have a basic, innate need for human touch . Invest in the relationship by showing more affection.
Some couples behave the same as roommates. They both have busy lives with work, hobbies and other social contacts. And when they are at home they naturally want to relax, so physical contact and affection can sometimes be lacking. If you’ve been going through life without human touch for too long, investing in showing affection can help the relationship tremendously .
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3. Regularly express your gratitude and love for others
When you are madly in love, you can hardly stop expressing love and gratitude to each other. You constantly tell each other how nice and sweet you think each other is. If you have been together for a while, these love words are said a lot less often or they lose their meaning. You may tell your partner that you love him or her every day, but you say this quickly before you walk out the door or when you hang up the phone.
Letting someone know clearly and sincerely how much they mean to you is an investment in the relationship. And reminding yourself daily how much someone means to you will improve the way you treat the person on a daily basis. Investing in your relationship is also expressing love , how much the other person means to you and how grateful you are that this person is in your life.
4 things you can do to invest
It is not very difficult to invest more in your relationship. It’s the little things and moments that together can increase the value of the relationship. These are some useful tips to invest in the relationship:
1. Discuss your weekly highs and lows
Schedule a check-in every week. For example, go to your favorite café every week and discuss the highs and lows of your week with your partner. Listen to what the other person has to say and give each other space to talk about everything. This may only take an hour a week, but it means you are fully aware of everything your partner is going through.
2. Never stop learning about the other person
You have been married for 30 years and of course you know each other inside and out. But don’t forget that you can always get to know each other better . You can learn so much from each other if you ask the right questions. Don’t assume that you know everything about each other and keep talking.
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3. Laugh together
By laughing with each other regularly you maintain a strong connection. This keeps the relationship playful and light-hearted. You can do this by watching your favorite comedy or comedian together or by doing a funny activity together.
4. Remind each other what you’ve been through
Sometimes you can both be so busy with everyday life that you never take the time to go back in time and think of beautiful memories. If you are alone with your partner, don’t just talk about your daily activities, but remind each other of where you have been together and what you have experienced.
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