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Bad relationships are a special phenomenon for the outsider. There’s something mysterious about them. If it is so clear that a partner is not good for you, why would you stay in a relationship with this person? It is difficult for an outsider to understand.
While there are plenty of opportunities to ‘escape’, it doesn’t seem like the person is trying at all. As if it’s not possible. As if an invisible chain holds them captive in the relationship. But why? Why do people stay in a relationship that is not good for them?
Why people are stuck in bad relationships
People often stay in bad relationships longer than they would actually like. It is not because they are addicted to the unrest, nor because they want to be treated badly . Those are not the reasons why people stay in bad, perhaps even toxic, relationships. According to Jeffrey Bernstein , a psychologist with more than 30 years of experience, there are three main reasons why people cling to bad relationships.
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1. They have become accustomed to the bad treatment
A bad relationship has a negative impact on your mental health. Studies have shown that such relationships can make you feel insecure. They can exhaust you, lower your self-confidence and even pressure you to change something about yourself.
Bernstein says, “People tend to stay in bad relationships because they lose sight of their self-worth.” According to the psychologist, people in these relationships often think they “deserve” to be involved in excessive drama and chaos. “They become conditioned to being treated poorly.”
2. They prefer a bad relationship to the unknown
Being in a relationship is safe, even if the relationship itself is unsafe. The unknown is scary. Staying in a bad relationship gives you a false sense of comfort in feeling protected from the unknown.
According to Bernstein, many people stay in dysfunctional, painful relationships because they want to avoid the uncertainty of the unknown. “This is a major reason why many stay,” he says. “It can feel safer (despite being unhealthy) to suffer pain if it prevents an uncertain future.”
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3. They choose a bad relationship over being alone
Most people don’t want to be alone. Even if they feel lonely in their relationship, it still feels better than taking the step of moving on through life alone.
“Many of us can’t stand being alone,” Bernstein explains in PsychologyToday . “We are afraid of a life on our own. We see ourselves eating alone in restaurants, going to parks alone with no one to comfort us. Being without someone feels hopeless and scary; we think, ‘At least I have someone’ and stay in bad relationships.”
Most of us have wondered why someone in a harmful relationship doesn’t just end the relationship. In general we can say that it is easier said than done. The problem is often that bad relationships are not always bad. From the inside, it’s not so black and white.
There are moments of happiness that give false hope and days when you catch a glimpse of potential. These snapshots cloud the picture, making it very easy to justify a bad relationship with a ‘yes, but’. And that makes it so difficult to say goodbye to a relationship that is bad for you.
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