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With social media at the forefront of our lives, it’s hard to ignore the lives of others. Every day you are confronted with the highlights of others. One couple posts a photo of a romantic getaway , the other just got engaged – and shares it in a big way with everyone who follows them. From couples sending each other love messages to celebrating relationship milestones , there’s no escaping it. And this allows you to compare your relationship with that of others.
While we all know it’s not good to compare your relationship to someone else’s, no one can say they’ve never done it. Comparing is human behavior. It’s also almost impossible not to compare your relationship to others when almost every aspect of someone’s relationship is widely shared on social media. And even if you hate it, your feed will be bombarded with posts from couples eager to show how “happy” they are with their partner. Even if they aren’t. And that’s the problem.
It’s fake news
As a rule, all messages on social media are a form of fake news . They only show the highs, not the lows. You see the perfect Insta kiss in the rain, not the bickering over the umbrella that precedes it. You think about the beautiful gold engagement ring that a friend shows you and how you should make do with an inexpensive version. But you don’t think about the personal loan that was required and what they have to pay for it. The grass is always greener on the other side.
However, comparing yourself to others is unhealthy. It’s a recipe for an unhappy life. Studies show that comparing yourself to others – who seem better off – can lower your self-esteem. You’re also at higher risk for poor physical health and more vulnerable to depressive symptoms and social anxiety . On the other hand, if you also compare your relationship with those of others, this is not only bad for your own happiness and satisfaction, but for that of your partner.
Why comparing is not good
According to recent research, comparing your relationship with those of others leads to less relationship satisfaction. Whether you do it to express dissatisfaction with their own partner or to ask yourself if you don’t deserve someone more attractive, romantic or richer, it’s bad for your relationship.
Researchers found that people who often compare themselves to other couples are less satisfied with their relationship, feel less committed and have less intimacy. And that is not so much caused by a dissatisfaction with what they have, but rather by what they think they are missing.
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6 reasons why it’s not good to do that
Have you ever thought about why you and your partner don’t do a joint photo shoot? Or why all the couples in your feed have romantic dinners and you only bring each other breakfast in bed? Even though it’s always super fun when you do that? Then that’s probably the result of living through the lens of social media, when you unconsciously compare your relationship to those of others in a negative way. These are six reasons why it’s not good to do that.
1. You may become dissatisfied with your partner
Sooner or later you may become dissatisfied with your partner, simply because your partner does not do what other partners do. Or better said: because your partner does not behave or look like what you have come to expect through social media. Because of other couples’ posts on social media, you may begin to feel resentful for what your partner isn’t doing.
2. It’s not fair
If you compare your relationship with that of others, you are comparing apples and oranges. They are two completely different things that cannot be compared. You are different and your partner is different. Your partner may not have the qualities of the other partner, but there is nothing your partner can do about that. Your partner has different qualities . Comparing your relationship with that of others is therefore not fair, because you are doing a disservice to your own relationship.
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3. You don’t see everything
While you experience everything personally in your own relationship, you are only exposed to the highlights of others’ relationships. You don’t get to see everything about other people’s relationships, only the very best. Everyone wants to look happy on social media. No one talks about the daily conflicts , money problems and other relationship problems. It is easier than ever for others to control what you see. And more importantly: what you don’t get to see.
4. You miss the positive aspects
When you focus on what you would like differently, you run the risk of missing out on all the other positive aspects of the relationship. You worry about the negative and miss the positive. For example, in today’s story you see that a friendly couple is having a nice picnic . ‘I’d like to do that too,’ you think. But your partner doesn’t like that.
Now you may start to think negatively about your partner’s lesser points, but you may forget that your partner irons your clothes, cooks dinner every day and does much more for you than an average partner.
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5. It affects your partner
Imagine if your partner said to you, “I wish you were more like [someone else’s name]. Then I would have felt [attractive/wanted/beautiful/appreciated].” How would you feel? Chances are you don’t feel appreciated by your partner. And you’re even more likely to feel worthless, like you’re not good enough. When you compare your relationship with that of others and indicate this to your partner, this is exactly how you make your partner feel.
6. It blinds you to what’s important
Comparisons can blind you to the things that are important to you. Because you’re so focused on what you’re missing, you miss what really matters. You forget why you started the relationship and what wonderful things it has brought you. By focusing on what seems important at that moment, you take attention away from the things that are really important to you.
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