Share This Article
When you stand in front of the mirror in the morning, you look at yourself. The reflection shows a tired version of yourself, with a smile that seems forced. You feel a heaviness in your heart that is clearly visible on your face. As you look at the bags under your eyes, reality sinks in deeply. This won’t last much longer.
The warmth you once felt when you were together seems to have faded. Your conversations have become superficial, filled with silences and awkward moments. Words once spoken with love now feel cold. It feels like you no longer understand each other, as if you have grown miles apart . This is the moment when you realize it: the relationship is no longer working.
Relationship no longer works
The struggle of a relationship that no longer works can be debilitating. It can take an emotional toll. You worry constantly, entangled in a web of uncertainty about the future of your relationship. The feelings that bubble up in your heart remain unexpressed, causing the distance between you and your partner to continue to grow. Determining whether to save the relationship or whether it’s time to move on is a complex challenge.
Often, against our better judgement, we continue to hold on to a relationship that is no longer thriving. We keep our feelings inside, out of fear of confrontation or because we don’t want to see the time we have already invested in the relationship as wasted. Sometimes we ignore the alarm bells that sound louder than ever before, or we harbor a deep-seated fear of being alone. It is therefore a complicated task to admit that a relationship is no longer working.
12 signs the relationship isn’t working
In every relationship, there are times when we wonder if our love bond is strong enough to overcome the obstacles. We tread carefully over the bumpy paths of doubt and uncertainty, hoping that we will eventually reach a point where everything will be in harmony again. But how do you know when the time has come to be honest with yourself and acknowledge that the relationship is no longer working?
We’ll go over twelve telltale signs that your relationship has lost its luster. Whether you’re struggling with doubts or are simply curious about what could indicate an unhealthy relationship, these signs could tell you that your relationship isn’t working (anymore).
1. You criticize each other a lot
You notice that you and your partner are constantly criticizing each other , even about small things. There is a constant tendency to expose each other’s mistakes and shortcomings, which creates a negative atmosphere. Criticism dominates and there is little room for acceptance and appreciation.
Renowned American relationship therapist John Gottman says that this is the first signal that your relationship is coming to an end. Of course, you can sometimes complain or give critical advice, but make sure that you criticize the behavior and not your partner. If you constantly criticize your partner, you need to be careful. This can turn into contempt: the next signal.
2. You express contempt
You feel that contempt is starting to play a role in the relationship. When you think about your partner, you think of him as inferior. Or vice versa. You have a sense of superiority or contempt towards each other, which leads to insulting comments, sarcasm and a lack of respect. If you express contempt towards your partner, you actually no longer have respect for their feelings and needs. And that’s a red flag in a relationship.
ALSO READ: 15 Signs You’re in A Loveless Marriage
3. You react defensively
You notice that both you and your partner are constantly defensive when confronted with confrontations or criticism. A pattern of denying, blaming and making excuses emerges. While you should rather want a pattern of open communication and empathy. Defensive behavior hinders the ability to solve problems and reach healthy compromises.
If you react defensively very quickly in discussions, this means that you do not take responsibility for your own actions. You blame your behavior on other circumstances or shift the blame to someone else, such as your partner. This makes it a lot more difficult to have a frank and honest conversation, which will certainly not benefit the relationship.
4. You put up a wall
You feel that you are emotionally distancing yourself from your partner, putting up a wall around you. You no longer share your deepest thoughts and feelings and avoid emotional intimacy. This distance could be a sign that the emotional connection between you has been broken.
Healthy communication is perhaps the most important thing in a relationship. You need to be able to share your problems with each other and be open and honest with each other. So if you or your partner put up a wall, this ensures that open communication can no longer take place. You will become indifferent, no longer open and emotionally unavailable .
ALSO READ: These 4 Personality Traits are Not Good for Relationships
5. You feel constant insecurity
You are tormented by the constant uncertainty about the relationship. Because you never know how the next day will go. You feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells, without knowing where you stand. This uncertainty can sap your energy and peace of mind.
6. You’ve given up hope
You find yourself giving up hope and expectations for the relationship. You feel deep disappointment and no longer believe that positive change is possible. The hope for a better future together seems to have faded. Too much has happened. You feel that the relationship no longer has a future .
7. You feel rejected
You feel constant rejection physically or emotionally, such as a lack of affection, communication, or sexual fulfillment. The desire for closeness is not reciprocated, which can leave you feeling unwanted and unloved. You might experience this if your needs are not being met in the relationship, whether it be for emotional support, intimacy or other aspects. You long for deeper connection and fulfillment, but feel disappointed by the lack thereof.
8. You feel trapped
You feel trapped in the relationship, as if you have lost your own freedom and individuality. You have lost yourself in the relationship . The idea of moving on seems scary, but the feeling of captivity and stagnation weighs increasingly heavily on your mind. If you experience this, you know that the relationship is not working. You just have to accept it.
ALSO READ: How Do You Break Up? 8 Steps Explained by A Relationship Therapist
9. You don’t do fun things together
While you did lots of fun things together at the beginning of your relationship , this has now changed. You almost no longer share common activities and enjoyable moments together. You have little interest in spending quality time and sharing new experiences. The lack of fun and enthusiasm may indicate that the relationship will not last long.
10. You no longer trust your partner
You feel a profound lack of trust in your partner. There have been repeated breaches of trust, such as deceit, lies or other forms of betrayal. The loss of trust can create an insurmountable gap between the two of you. It is difficult to convert distrust into trust.
ALSO READ: 11 Signs That You Can Rely on Your Partner
11. You do more
There is an imbalance in commitment in your relationship. Your partner does not show the same commitment as you do in the relationship. It feels like you are always the one who gives more, while your partner seems to hold back. Your partner may even act indifferent when it comes to the relationship. A healthy relationship requires balanced involvement on both sides. If that balance isn’t there, a relationship can’t work.
12. You have different visions of the future
When you’re young, you don’t think much about the future. But later, when you are a little older, you may discover that you and your partner view the future differently. For example, you want to start a family, your partner wants to see the world and travel. A shared future seems increasingly unattainable. If you notice that your dreams, goals and values are at odds with each other, it becomes difficult to find a shared path forward.
ALSO READ: What are Unhealthy Relationship Boundaries? 18 Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries
What you can do about it
When a relationship no longer works, there are several choices you can consider. You could immediately pack up and leave, but let’s be honest: that’s not always the best choice. The most important thing is to listen to your own needs, happiness and well-being. These are the options you have:
Communication and therapy
Try to talk openly and honestly with your partner about what is not going well in the relationship. What do you miss in the relationship? What could be better in your relationship? And what would you like to see different? A relationship therapist may be able to help explore the underlying problems, provide relationship tips and find ways to cope.
Working on the relationship
If you and your partner are willing to work on the relationship , you can take steps together to address the issues. You go into the fight because the relationship is worth fighting for. This could mean working together to improve communication, build trust, or tackle other challenges.
ALSO READ: What are Unhealthy Relationship Boundaries? 18 Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries
Temporary break
In some cases, taking a temporary break can provide space for reflection and self-discovery. It’s hard to solve problems when you’re in the middle of them. A break can give you clarity about your feelings and needs, and determine whether you want to work on repairing the relationship or whether it is better to break up.
End relationship
If all attempts to repair the relationship have proven fruitless and the problems seem insurmountable, ending the relationship may be the best choice. It can be hard, but sometimes it’s just better to leave a relationship – especially if it’s unhealthy or no longer working.
What’s best depends on you and your partner’s unique circumstances and needs. Every relationship is unique and that also applies to your relationship and the bumps along the way. Change can be scary, but sometimes it is necessary to have a healthy relationship, both with yourself and with your partner.
P.S. Are you already following Gistinger.com on Facebook , Instagram and Twitter?