Share This Article
Your love life is like a journey to an unknown destination. As you make your way through the winding roads, you will discover new landscapes, highlights and obstacles. This path of love is unique to everyone, and like any journey, there are milestones we hope to reach along the way. For some, living together is an important step, while others dream of marriage or having children. Moreover, it is not just about the beauty of the destination, but also about the moments and experiences you share along the way.
There is no right or wrong time to achieve these milestones. It’s all about understanding yourself, your partner and your unique journey together. How long does it take to reach a milestone in a relationship? That’s different for everyone. But while there is no one-size-fits-all answer, we can share our ideas about the timing of moving in together, getting married and having children.
ALSO READ: What Makes a Relationship Difficult? 12 Challenges and Obstacles, According to Research
When to live together?
If you’re thinking about moving in with your partner , it’s understandable to wonder how long you should be in a relationship before taking this step. Is it possible after three months? Do you wait at least a year? Or is two years the golden limit? However, the answer to the question is not as simple as naming a period, because it depends on various factors and personal circumstances. That’s why we won’t mention a time, but we will mention some guidelines to keep in mind if you’re thinking about moving in together.
Timing is important
It is wise to spend enough time with your partner before moving in together. It’s a good idea to get to know each other thoroughly before taking the step. Time is irrelevant, but it could take months or even years, depending on how quickly you feel comfortable with each other.
If you are in a new relationship and are going from living alone to living together, most couples make the transition after one to two years.
ALSO READ: What is Serial Monogamy? 8 Characteristics of Being Serially Monogamous
Communication and compatibility
To what extent can you communicate openly about expectations, goals and lifestyles? Make sure that you are compatible on many levels and that you are able to resolve conflicts in a healthy way. This will lay the foundation for a successful attempt to move in together. Think of things like:
- household chores
- finance
- schematics
- personal space
- lifestyles
- future
- responsibilities
ALSO READ: What is a Rebound Relationship? Psychology, Chance of Success and Recognition
Trial period
A sensible approach may be to spend a trial period together before officially moving in together. For example, don’t move in together from one day to the next, but first sleep together at the weekends. This can help you discover how you handle daily tasks, conflicts, and sharing space. A trial period gives you the chance to get used to each other’s habits.
On average, women start living together at the age of 26.
Finances
Living together often entails financial responsibilities . How do you deal with that? And are you open about that yet? It is wise to talk about how you will divide the costs and other financial obligations. A good understanding of each other’s financial situation is important, as is a plan for managing expenses.
What is not wise? Living together because one of you is evicted or has problems or because it is expected of you by family, friends or society. Living together is also not wise if there are existing problems and conflicts in your relationship that have not yet been resolved. Living together can make these problems worse.
ALSO READ: Joint Account as a Couple? Merging Research on Finance
When to get married?
For most people, living together comes first, getting married later – if that happens at all. Although this was different before, people no longer marry so quickly. People nowadays marry later in life than their parents. In 2019, the average age for women was 32 years and for men 34 years. In the 1970s, the average age for marriage for women was less than 23 years. Men were – just like today – about two years older.
Regardless of your age, if you’re thinking about marrying your partner, you probably want to know how long you should be in a relationship before taking this important step. However, finding the right time to get married is a personal decision that again depends more on factors other than time and timing.
Solid base
It is wise to make sure that you have a solid foundation in your relationship before you get married. That means: a deep understanding of each other’s values, goals and expectations. Even more than when living together, it is important to communicate openly and discuss any important matters, such as children’s wishes, career goals, finances and lifestyle choices. After all, marriage is not meant for a short time, but for life.
On average, women marry at the age of 32.
Time to get to know each other
Before you can even think about getting married, you need to spend enough time with your partner. You really need to know each other well before you tie the knot. Does love go beyond sexual attraction? It also means not only sharing fun moments, but also experiencing challenges and enduring difficult moments. Although there is no set timeline, it can be a good idea to experience some important events in each other’s lives before getting married.
Listen to your intuition
If you want to get married, your gut feeling may be the best advisor. Listen to your own feelings and intuition when making the decision to get married. If you feel deep down that you are ready for a lifelong commitment, and that your partner is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, then that may be an indication that it is time to get married.
What is not wise? Getting married under pressure from external factors, such as social expectations or the feeling that you have to be ‘on schedule’. Marriage is an important and life-changing decision that should be based on love, mutual respect and the desire to share a life together.
ALSO READ: ‘I Knew It’: Can You Really Predict a Breakup in Retrospect?
When children?
If you think about having children with your partner, you know it’s serious. But how long should you wait before taking this big step? The decision to have children is not time-bound, very personal and depends on various factors. These are some things to think about before considering children.
Stability and commitment
Stability is important for the child. A stable relationship and a strong foundation of commitment are therefore necessary before considering children. Can you provide stability together? Do you understand each other’s expectations regarding parenthood? Being in a relationship is very different from sharing parenthood. That’s why it’s important that you are on the same page not only as partners, but also as future parents.
In 2021, women were on average 30 years old at the birth of their first child. Since the 1970s, the age at which Dutch women have children has increased. In the 1970s they were on average 24 years old. In general, men in the Netherlands are three years older than women when they become fathers for the first time.
Communication and collaboration
Parenting requires cooperation between you and your partner. You should be able to talk openly about important aspects of parenting, such as parenting styles, discipline, and dividing responsibilities. As parents, it is important to work as a team when raising your children.
Women have their first child when they are 30.
Financial stability
Consider your financial situation and ask yourself whether you are able to meet the costs of raising a child, such as food, health care, child care, and basic necessities. Have you devised a financial plan? Or have you built up sufficient savings? All of this can give you peace of mind when you become parents.
Emotional preparation
Having children brings major emotional changes. Are you emotionally ready to become a parent? Can you handle the responsibility that parenthood entails? Parenting requires patience, dedication and unconditional love, so ask yourself if you want to take on this role – and if you are ready for it.
What is not wise? Having children because others expect it of you or because you think it is the next logical step. Having children is a lifelong responsibility. It should be based on your own desire and willingness to become a parent, not on the expectations of others.
P.S. Are you already following Gistinger.com on Facebook , Instagram and Twitter?