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The past few months have been tough. It feels like a distance has opened up between you and your partner – a distance that you can no longer bridge. The arguments seem endless and the once sparkling passion seems extinguished. You feel confused and emotionally exhausted. In your heart you don’t want to give up, but you know something has to be done to save the relationship . A thought arises: perhaps a time-out for your relationship is the answer.
Sometimes relationships end up in crisis for various reasons. It could be that one of you has developed feelings for someone else or maybe you’ve just grown apart and seem to be living past each other. Having children involved can also feel like you’re more parents than lovers. Are you considering divorce and going your separate ways? Then a time-out for your relationship might come in handy.
What does a time-out entail?
A relationship time-out is a breathing space for your relationship, a moment when you and your partner decide to take a break from the daily routine and emotional turbulence you may be experiencing. It is a conscious choice to temporarily create some space between the two of you. The goal is for you to sort out your thoughts, feelings, and the direction of the relationship. In fact, it is a kind of intermezzo, a short break from the romantic symphony you are playing together.
A time-out usually means that if you live together, one of you will temporarily stay somewhere else. If you do not live together, this of course does not apply. However, it is important to keep in touch occasionally during the time out to gauge how the relationship is developing. It is risky not to speak to each other for months, because one partner may hold out hope for a reunion, while the other partner has now found a new relationship because he has not heard from you anymore. That would be a painful discovery. These are some examples of how a relationship time-out can work in practice:
Example 1: the weekday time-out
A short time-out can sometimes work wonders. It offers a breather from the daily arguments that only cause stress. The advantage of a short time-out is that it has little impact on daily life, but it does provide space and time to think about the situation.
- For example, you can stay somewhere else during the week and come home on the weekend.
Example 2: the short time-out
Sometimes more is needed than just being separated during the week. If there are no children involved (yet), you can choose to temporarily distance yourself. For example, you can agree to live separately for a month, meeting weekly.
- You agree to live separately for a month, with a personal conversation once a week.
Also read: Serious Relationship? What It Is, What It Isn’t and How to Find It
Why a time out?
Why should you consider a relationship time-out? There are numerous reasons for this. Sometimes as a couple you end up in a phase where everything no longer runs smoothly. Maybe you have ongoing conflicts , feel stuck, or the spark that once burned between you seems to have gone out. There may also be external stressors, such as work problems or family matters, that are putting strain on your relationship.
A time-out gives you the opportunity to catch your breath and focus on your individual needs and feelings. It’s a chance to think about what you really want in a relationship and whether you still share the same goals and values. It also helps to create emotional distance from any conflicts, allowing you to think more clearly and deal with problems more effectively.
During this break it is important that you both have space to think things through calmly. You can use the time to simply relax and reflect. The goal is not to avoid each other, but to work on individual growth and self-reflection, so that you can come back stronger in the relationship.
Agreements during time out
If you are considering a time-out, it is crucial to make good agreements. If there are children and one of you is going to live elsewhere temporarily, proper arrangements must be made for dealing with the children. It is useful if you continue to live close to each other, so that the children can go to school and see their friends, regardless of who they are staying with.
It is also essential to agree on whether dating others during time-out is allowed or not. If you want to give the relationship a chance, it is not wise to date freely during the time-out and perhaps even cheat. That is not a solid basis for trust, as you probably understand.
Also read: 20 Best Date Night Ideas at Home
How long does the timeout last?
A relationship timeout can vary in duration depending on what you both find comfortable. It could be a few days, a few weeks or even longer. What’s most important is that you are both open to communication and willing to be honest about your feelings and needs when you get back together.
The duration of the timeout depends entirely on the circumstances, so there is no set duration. It is not wise to set a fixed period if you are considering a time-out. However, you can agree to have no contact for two weeks, for example, and then evaluate how you feel about the relationship at that time. Depending on developments, you can work on repairing the relationship or decide to part ways in the most pleasant way possible.
Help from a psychologist
It may be helpful to talk to a relationship therapist . Together you can assess whether there is still enough foundation for a restart of the relationship. If you decide to continue together, there must be a solid foundation, and the goal should not be to break up three months later.
A psychologist can also guide you if you ultimately decide to separate. Good agreements about the divorce, contact with the children and other practical matters can be discussed. If all this is arranged properly, a breakup can be a little less painful. A peaceful farewell can also be positive for any children and mutual friends, as they will still see you both and possibly spend time together.
Also read: Pitfalls in New Relationships: How to Avoid Them
To tell or not to tell others?
It is up to you to decide whether to tell family and friends that you are taking time out. If you live together and one of you moves elsewhere temporarily, it is difficult to keep it a secret. But if you have a lat relationship , you can choose not to inform those around you yet. This prevents curious questions such as “are you together again?” or “are you guys finally broken up?”
If you would rather not have others get involved, you can ask family and friends to leave this topic alone and agree to make an announcement yourself when the time is right.
Preventing relationship breakdown
If your relationship is in a slump and you both feel deep down that divorce is not the right solution, a time-out can provide a solution. Divorce is a major decision and if you don’t really want that, it is time to work on your relationship. By taking some distance, you may be able to better tackle existing problems.
You can talk openly about annoyances and try to solve them. Consider this possibility if you want to prevent your relationship from failing. A final breakup can always happen, but first let’s try to get the love boat back on course.
Ultimately, relationship time-out is no guarantee of success, but it can be a valuable tool in reviving your relationship . It allows you to see whether you still want to build a future together. It is a sign of maturity and dedication to try – even in difficult times – to make love blossom. If you feel like your relationship is hitting the rocks, consider a relationship time-out as a possible way to weather the storm and see if the sun can shine again.
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