9 Signs That You and Your Partner Bring Out The Worst in Each Other

From time to time we see it in the media and wonder how a happy relationship can turn into a fiasco. As an example, we take the ongoing battle between Johnny Depp and his ex Amber Heard . As the two – who were once so in love – drag each other’s names through the mud after their divorce, everyone is reminded that some people bring out the worst in each other. They could be so happy with each other, but… they’re not.

The worst, not the best

In a healthy relationship, you and your partner bring out the best in each other. When you’re in an unhealthy relationship, the opposite happens: You and your partner bring out the worst in each other. Although you both may be naturally very kind to your fellow human beings, you treat each other like dirt. And that only makes the bad relationship worse.

Unfortunately, many people are unaware of the signs that a relationship is heading in the wrong direction. Or even worse, they see the signals but turn to denial. But ostrich politics doesn’t help any relationship. These are 9 signs that the relationship is bringing out the worst in you.

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1. You feed each other negatively

Why does your partner bring out the worst in you? Because your partner can, since he or she is someone you know very well – for better or for worse. Your partner knows what makes you happy, but also how to get on your nerves and wear out your patience. This works in exactly the same way the other way around. And if you don’t pay close attention to your behavior yourself, it can lead to you feeding each other with negative inspiration.

2. Disagreements always lead to outbursts

Small disagreements happen in every relationship – and that’s a good thing. It would otherwise be a boring, empty world if we agreed on everything. Still, there is a right way to disagree and a wrong way. If you bring out the worst in each other, meaningless disagreements (almost) always lead to outbursts of anger. From shouting to actual fighting and ultimatums to drastic decisions: it quickly goes too far.

3. You are annoying to people around you

Are you losing patience with customers at work? Do you act irritated towards your friends and family? But were you never like that before? Then it could be that your relationship sucks up so much energy that it manifests itself in your behavior towards others. You take the stress from your relationship outside with you.

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4. Bad behavior is encouraged

The things your partner does to provoke the “worst” in you don’t even have to be done consciously. Suppose your partner spoils you with a large box of chocolates on Valentine’s Day. Nothing wrong with that, you might think. But what if you have diabetes and a love-hate relationship with sugar? “Oh well, it’s just for once,” says your partner. And because you feel obligated not to reject the gift, you eat it.

It quickly becomes clear that bad behavior can be encouraged. In this way, your partner can – consciously or unconsciously – have a bad influence on you, bringing out the worst in yourself. Recognizable?

5. You’re in a competition

Are you naturally competitive? That’s no problem at all. But you don’t have to compete with your partner. In your work and hobbies it is fine to bring out the best in yourself, in a relationship this brings out the worst in your partner. Do you use the sweet things you say to get something done with your partner? Or does your partner use the things you do wrong against you? They are signs that you are bringing out the worst in each other. Competing in the relationship leads to resentment, manipulation and emotional blackmail.

6. You often feel down

We all have a depressed day sometimes. One of those days when nothing works and everything takes an incredible amount of effort. But if you never have that and now suddenly you do, while you are busy with your relationship, then it may be that your relationship is to blame. Continuous fighting takes its toll.

Good love gone bad.

7. You don’t feel like yourself

What were you like before you started the relationship? How does that person differ from the person you are now – how you feel now? If you’ve become someone you don’t even recognize, it could mean you’re straying from your authentic self. And if it’s someone you don’t want to be at all, which is often the case with partners who bring out the worst in each other, then it’s not really healthy either.

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8. You wait for the bubble to burst

Every few years we have to wait for the housing bubble to burst, but it is not just home buyers who wait for the bubble to burst. This happens all the time in relationships. If you’re constantly on guard, waiting for another relationship bubble to burst, then something is wrong. It may mean that you have become accustomed to crossing each other’s boundaries. So if you keep expecting your partner to upset or hurt you, there’s a good reason for it.

9. Your loved ones are worried

Are you increasingly asked by family, friends or colleagues whether you are doing well? Or even worse: will they interfere with the relationship? Don’t immediately dismiss it as jealousy or something else, because in most cases these outsiders have a better view of the relationship than you do. They may realize that as partners you bring out the worst in each other. And then in most cases you better start listening to what they have to say.

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