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It is Christmas Day. You are sitting at the table with the whole family. Your uncles and aunts are there, brothers and sisters, cousins and all the entourage. But you are alone again. Just like last year. And all the years before that.
On a day like this, you know what you’re going to hear. Your uncle is going to tell you to enjoy your single life “while you can.” Your aunt is going to get involved, too, saying “it’ll happen when you least expect it.” Before you know it, your love life—or lack thereof—is the talk of the dinner table.
Despite the fact that it is all well-intentioned advice from people who mean well for you, they still confront you with the facts every year. And one of those facts is that you still haven’t found a woman. You are still sitting there lonely and alone at the table, while you would really like to have someone at your side. So you ask yourself: how do I find a woman ?
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How do you find a woman?
Men of all ages and backgrounds find it difficult to find a woman. Some try, but fail every time. Others say they try, but don’t try hard enough. And still others don’t even try, even though they would like to find a woman. As you can imagine, each of these groups of men requires a different approach.
If we take the last group as an example, it mainly comes down to them having to make themselves available. They hide in their homes after work, hardly meet any women and are never really proactively looking for love – or at least a date. And if they finally do meet a woman with potential, they don’t know what to say due to a lack of experience. Because they don’t give themselves the opportunity to meet someone, they end up meeting… no one.
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8 Tips to Find a Woman
Whether you are looking in the wrong places or never putting yourself in a position to meet someone, there are a few tips that can help you in your search for a woman. These tips can make your search for a woman to start a relationship with a lot easier.
1. Be present on dating apps
Men didn’t have the option to meet women online before. They had to go out into the real world and talk to random women. Single men were forced to take a chance on a dance night, even if they weren’t the best dancers. They had to muster up all their courage and ask a woman to dance in the hope that the interest was mutual and she was interested in meeting a man like him.
If that didn’t work, either because of his stiff moves or a massive lack of interest from women, he had to rely on something called a personals ad . He had to call a local newspaper and advertise himself with a limited number of characters – like on Twitter. Every night he had to sit by the house phone, waiting for that one call. And sometimes that call never came. Dating was time-consuming, inefficient and exhausting, to say the least.
Now ask yourself this: what do you complain about when it comes to dating? That it’s a frustrating process? A time-consuming endeavor? Or that you find it tiring to swipe left and right? Then think of all the brave men of the past to realize that it’s not that bad now.
Unlike the past, we now have all sorts of technology at our fingertips that makes it easier than ever to connect with women. That doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll all be interested in you, but that’s never been the case. The best advice is to be present and active on dating apps, because it’s the best chance at love you’re going to get.
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2. Do something about it
Sitting back and hoping that the perfect woman will just show up in your life won’t help you. Those who tell you that “it will happen” are lying to you. After all, it’s not really likely that a blonde babe will walk into your stinky bedroom on a Tuesday night while you’re playing Call of Duty . What does help you find a woman? A proactive dating attitude.
For most men who aren’t successful with women, this means stepping out of their comfort zone. Routines limit your dating life, especially if those routines are completely within your comfort zone. Here’s what you can do:
- Try to write a creative profile text
- Have a professional photoshoot for your profile pictures
- Read articles about improving your dating skills
- Do something on your own initiative that you normally never do
- Show that you are there, even if you are not ‘that’
- Ask your friends and family for help
3. Get your life in order
How many times have you told yourself that you are “sweet, kind, and good to women,” and yet women show no interest in you at all? The fact is, you can be sweet, kind, trustworthy, loyal, and honest, but if the rest of your life is not in order, you are still unattractive as a partner . Think about what women might find unattractive about you. And we’re not just talking about your appearance, the focus is on all of your other qualities.
Have you been struggling with low self-confidence for years? Do you hardly dare to leave the house due to social anxiety? Or are you on the verge of a burnout due to working from home a lot in a 20 m2 apartment ? Then you probably already feel the advice coming: work on that first. It helps a lot if you feel good about yourself.
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4. Decide what you want
No two people are the same and every relationship is different. That makes it impossible to find the perfect partner . Everyone also has different preferences, turn-offs, goals and desires. Since you don’t know what someone else wants, all you can do is research what you want. Take the time to figure out what your specific desires are, your preferences and deal breakers, so you can focus your search on finding a woman with similar values.
According to research, we attract people who are similar to ourselves. Now, you don’t have to go looking for your female doppelganger, but you do have to find a woman who matches you in important ways.
What are your hobbies? What are your interests? What is your view on life? And where do you think you will meet a woman who has similarities with you? If you know what you want, you won’t have to waste time on someone who isn’t the right match. And that will bring you one step closer to the woman you do want.
5. Give it time
If you do manage to connect with women, you may be inclined to rely on your gut feeling. Was the first date not a success ? Did you expect more? Was the connection not as strong as you had hoped? The idea of love at first sight may sound exciting, but it usually doesn’t work that way. People have to get used to new people before they really start to like each other. So don’t give up hope if the first date isn’t as good as you had hoped. It can grow.
6. Go where the women are
Part of finding a woman is finding women. Sorry for the strange sentence, but that’s basically it. Where do women congregate? What do they do there? And how can you make sure you mingle with these women? If you want to find a certain type, you have to find out where they go and go there yourself. One of the best ways to find your type is to get to know her hobbies and interests.
You could hope for a random encounter and pray for luck, but do you really think that will work? Getting involved in her world is the best thing you can do. If you want to find a sporty fit girl, start exercising and join a gym.
7. Approach women
Not everyone is born a smooth talker. That’s why many men struggle to approach a woman and say something as simple as “hello.” Knowing how to approach a woman is perhaps one of the most important skills to learn. Whether it’s noticing a detail, giving a compliment, or asking a question, there are hundreds of ways to start a conversation with a woman. And the good news is, you only need to find one that works for you.
Because it can be hard to get lost in the “what do I say” mindset, you can use a very simple rule. It’s the five-second rule. Now, you might be thinking of the rule that says that dropped food isn’t contaminated with bacteria if it’s been on the ground for less than five seconds. But that’s not what we mean.
This five-second rule is about approaching women. Every time you see a woman you are interested in, approach her within five seconds. Start counting as soon as you see her and before you get to five, make a choice: either approach her or don’t. If you wait longer than 5 seconds, you will start to hesitate about what to say and find an excuse not to say it.
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8. Be lucky
Ultimately, finding the right woman is also a bit of luck. The chance that the person you see walking at the station is a good match for you and is suitable as relationship material is relatively small. This has nothing to do with who you are as a person or who she is. Attracting the right partner is an inexplicable reaction to what is going on at that moment. And in that sense, it remains a coincidence that you find someone with whom you click. So you will have to search to find her. That will be difficult and sometimes a bit frustrating. But if you do meet her, it will have been worth it.
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