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It’s no secret that dating can be hell. As if finding someone to date wasn’t hard enough, the first date itself can be even harder. There’s almost nothing more nerve-wracking than a first date with someone you barely know. And while these dates are supposed to be a taster of a relationship, they’re also a mini-interview to see if that relationship is even possible.
First dates are tricky because you want to know everything about the other person, without giving the impression that you are doing a thorough analysis. Conversely, you want the other person to have a good picture of you, without airing your dirty laundry – that you don’t tell them things that they don’t need to know. And given that you don’t know the other person’s boundaries yet, you also have to be careful about what you talk about. Yes, a first date is a real mindfuck .
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8 Things You Need to Know and Tell
As confusing as first dates can be, you want to be true to yourself as you make a global assessment of the person you’re on a date with. You don’t have to share everything about yourself with your date, and you don’t have to know everything. But there are some things you should reveal and some things you should know.
1. What your intentions are
What often goes wrong with online dating is that the intentions and future plans do not match. For example, one party is looking for something casual and without obligations, while the other wants a serious, permanent relationship. But ‘Where do you see yourself in 5 years?’ is not a question for a first date – you do not have to submit an ambitious multi-year plan. You do have to be transparent about what you are looking for and vice versa you have to know what the other person’s intentions are.
2. Your relationship status
When you meet someone on a dating app, you assume that all your matches are single – just like you. But that’s not always the case. Although most dating apps are geared towards singles, studies show that 18 to 25 percent of users are already in a relationship. Do you blindly assume that your match is single? Then you would be wrong in 1 in 4/5 cases.
Your relationship status and that of your date is one of the first things you should discuss. And you can easily do that by asking a question like, “How long have you been single?”
3. Whether you have children
Kids don’t make dating easier. Parenting is a 24/7 job that takes priority over everything else in your life. For many singles, kids are a dealbreaker. They either have no problem with them or they are completely against them, and there is often no middle ground. Telling them you have kids is the best thing for everyone, even if you are just looking for a friend with benefits .
4. Your unacceptable deal breakers
Whether it’s drug use, smoking, or something else, you need to talk about your deal breakers and ask about the other person’s deal breakers . We’re not talking about negatives, but about the deal breakers that are truly and totally unacceptable – reasons to end a relationship. It’s the only way to avoid getting emotionally attached to someone who, in the end, meets one of your absolute deal breakers.
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5. Your pets
Whether you can’t live without pets or you hate them, it’s a good idea to discuss it early on. Some people treat their pets like children. Do you have a love for pets or an allergy to cats and dogs? It’s something you should share as soon as possible. You don’t want to be the one to put them in a dilemma: either you or the pets.
6. Whether your life will look very different
Are you about to move to another city? Are you planning a year-long world trip? Or are you going through a divorce and still living with your ex? These are the things you have to share when you start dating someone. And vice versa, these are the things you want to know about the other person.
7. Whether faith is important to you
No one wants to offend anyone on a first date. That’s why there are a number of topics that are often considered taboo , such as money, politics, and religion. However, if your faith is extremely important to you, it’s wise to mention it – especially if it will affect your potential relationship. Even if your faith isn’t an issue right away, it could eventually become a major obstacle.
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8. Your life, work and ambitions
Whether you find this a bit boring or not: it is important to know who you are dealing with. Is it someone with a clear career goal or someone who will never achieve anything? That is why it is important to tell about what you do, what your function is and what your goals are. And of course it is also important to know this about the other person.
There is no doubt that financial stability is important. But that is not the only thing these topics are good for. What you want to know is whether the person is lazy, dependent on someone else or otherwise has problems with responsibilities. After all, you do not want to date someone who cannot function in this society.
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