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This storyline of romantic comedies is familiar to everyone. The poor, hard-working cleaning lady is noticed by a filthy rich businessman, while no one else notices her. He is wealthy, she is not. They fall in love with each other, despite their differences. But a relationship is impossible… or is it? They prove the opposite and the film ends with a happily ever after .
Since the plot doesn’t go beyond the end credits, we assume the rich businessman will take care of her. Maybe she will never have to work again and will spend her days in the beauty salon. Or in her bikini, chilling by the pool, while he rakes in the big money… who knows. What the story does not tell is that she becomes financially dependent on her partner. And that has its dangers.
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Financially dependent
Being financially dependent means that you are completely dependent on your partner’s income or assets. If your partner becomes unemployed, sick or in a fit of madness blows through all their assets, you have nothing to fall back on. You have no reserves and no possibilities to provide for your own livelihood, because you are financially dependent on your partner.
In relationships, financial dependency is rarely discussed, as was shown last year in the ‘Our Money’ report by the Social and Cultural Planning Office. Women in particular do not feel the need to earn enough money themselves to remain financially dependent on their husband. And their partners often do not find it necessary either. 1
According to the research, which is based on 2017 data, this amounts to a net income of 950 euros per month. This amount is at least necessary to live on, if you as a woman find yourself on your own. Considering that about 40 percent of relationships do not reach the finish line, it is not inconceivable that this will happen. However, women are often not prepared for this, because only 60 percent of women earn enough to live on – if it is really necessary.
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8 reasons why it’s not a good idea
Being financially dependent on your partner has pros and cons, for both women and men. Although there is nothing wrong with being financially supported by your partner, this is not the case if you are completely financially dependent. These are 8 reasons why you should never be completely financially dependent on your partner.
1. You are 1-0 behind in arguments
In every relationship, disagreements happen. Maybe they always get out of hand, maybe they never do. But if you are financially dependent on your partner, there is one argument that can always be used against you: “But I pay for everything for you…” When this is said to you, you can be forced to give in.
2. You have to justify yourself
We all know how it works. If you spend your own money, you don’t have to answer to anyone. You don’t have to defend or justify the expenses you make. If you spend someone else’s money, they can call you to account.
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3. You can’t make ends meet if the relationship ends
It is not impossible that your relationship will fail, no matter how well things are going between you. The risk is always there, as the many stories about cheating , emotional abuse and other relationship problems prove . If the relationship – for whatever reason – ends sooner than expected, you have few options. You are essentially building a trap for yourself.
When people are financially dependent on their increasingly abusive partners, they often stay in the relationship much longer than they would like. They cannot leave because there is fear that they will end up in a different, but equally dangerous situation.
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4. You feel like you have something to make up for
We’re not talking about make-up sex , but about all the other situations where you feel like you can’t say much about it – because you have something to make up for. For example, your partner does something that hurts you. You want to say something about it, but then you realize that everything you eat and wear is financed by this person. And that can make you feel like you can’t say anything about it.
5. You lose some control
If your partner earns all the money, they have the final say in all major financial decisions. That’s not a legal rule – it’s just the way it is. Seen new shoes on Facebook that cost an awful lot of money? A day out with friends? Any time you want to make these kinds of expenses, there’s a chance you won’t get permission.
If you still spend the money secretly, you surprise the other person and you can prepare yourself for a conflict. In other words: you lose control over your own budget if you are financially dependent.
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6. You give away power
Of course, relationships aren’t about power, but life and the world are. And no matter who you ask, everyone agrees: whoever controls the money, controls the power. When you are financially dependent on your partner, you are not the one controlling the money. As a result, you are more likely to do what you are told to do – even if you don’t agree with it.
7. You have no way out
Divorce while you have children, leave home while living together; Anyone who has been through this knows how difficult it is to break up. When you are financially dependent on your partner, this is even more difficult. Because where should you live? How are you going to pay for that? What’s the way out? The result is that you end up staying longer than you’d like – even if it’s not a toxic relationship .
8. You may feel less equal
Don’t bring in money while you spend your partner’s money; it can make you feel like you are worth less than your partner. Although your partner may say that he or she doesn’t care at all that you earn less (or nothing), it can still start to bother you. Financial dependence can play a role in equality in a relationship, but not in every relationship.
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