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Everyone has had to deal with it at some point, either as a perpetrator or as a victim: mind games . With a hip English word we can best label this as manipulative behavior. This manipulative behavior can emerge in different contexts. The workplace is a common place where mind games are played, but the relationship is another setting where many psychological games are played.
There are a number of reasons why people play a mind game with someone else, but the goal is usually to gain a sense of control or power over another person. The person playing these games wants something very specific from you, but instead of telling or asking you directly, they use manipulative tactics . And that is just as dangerous as it sounds. We will tell you everything about these types of psychological games.
What are psychological games?
Playing mind games can be seen as a psychological goal of an individual, where aggressive behavior is often used in a passive manner to demoralize and weaken the other person, making the, let’s call him or her ‘perpetrator’, seem superior. . These are also called power games or mind games.
Mind games are largely focused on prestige and occur in everyday life at the office, in sports, but also in relationships. They occur in all degrees, from long-term emotional neglect in love relationships to slick salespeople who try to force their product or service on the customer. Sportspeople can also try to outplay their opponents on the football field or on the athletics track by provoking or intimidating them.
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Unconscious vs. consciously
The two people involved also play their part in the game in their own way: one wants to manipulate the other, while the other allows himself to be manipulated by a weak mindset. Now you should never blame the victim, but one person plays the game here, while the other allows himself to be played – that is, the victim. Although it is important to make an important comment: mind games do not always take place consciously and that is the problem.
In relationships, mind games can be used to undermine a partner’s opinion at strategic moments. In other words: at certain moments a very subtle attempt is made to limit the other person’s opinion. The manipulative mind games are intended to turn the victim’s image around to one’s own advantage. This means that the partner’s views are downplayed. You can therefore see mind games as trickery and deception.
Many people already have it unconsciously
Unconsciously, playing psychological games has always been in humans and even at the youngest ages. After all, some children know exactly how to play their parents. Cry cry here, pitiful look there, and then they hope to get what their father or mother had denied them. You can therefore never completely avoid psychological games in relationships and sometimes both the perpetrator and the victim are not consciously aware that they are being played.
For example, some people are much more sensitive to giving in to the other person’s opinion when they feel guilty. The same trick of making someone feel guilty eventually becomes so common that it becomes routine. And then no one realizes that simple expressions like ‘Again’, ‘Your fault’ and ‘I told you so’ can manipulate the other person.
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Why do people play games?
People play these types of psychological games because they feel insecure, immature, or simply have a manipulative personality. Many of these types of people are actually not ready to enter into a stable long-term relationship at all. The urge to play games comes from personal insecurities and the inability to trust someone in a healthy way.
The perpetrator also has difficulty communicating with the other person in an open and mature manner. Instead of sitting down with someone and telling them directly what he or she wants, many indirect hints and comments are made.
Winding around the fingers
Psychological games are played by both men and women, and can be aimed at either men or women. Let’s take an example of a woman playing a psychological game with a man. Many women think that men will turn them off if they are too open and willing. So what do some women do? Exactly the opposite. For example, think of playing hard to get .
Actually it is just very childish, but the real feelings are not shown to the other person. In fact, things are said that put the other person on the wrong track, in order to attract the other person , push them away, and ultimately attract them again.
Can also be counterproductive
Sometimes that behavior can be completely counterproductive, especially if you don’t know the other person well and don’t know exactly how the person can be played. If you play games with someone for too long, you can actually assume that they won’t wait for you to finish your childish behavior. Someone who has a strong personality is not easily dismissed, so you are actually just trying to chase them away. It is therefore not surprising that psychological games often work better for people who are not in strong positions.
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7 psychological games
Games come in all shapes and sizes and this also applies to psychological games. There are many variants of the infamous mind games and we will discuss seven of them with you below.
1. Play hard to get
We actually discussed this above: it occurs when men and women deliberately try to hide their interest in the other. Mixed signals are given, meaning that the other person does not know what you think of him or her. This could be during the first meeting, but also during follow-up meetings.
We mainly see playing hard to get in the initial phase when people get to know each other. The purpose of this is to make themselves seem more desirable in the eyes of the date. People who play hard to get don’t want to seem easy or desperate. Or they just like the idea of someone chasing them.
2. Projecting
Projection is when someone attributes his or her own thoughts and actions to someone else. For example, a person who is unfaithful may blame his or her partner for the cheating. Something along the lines of: “I may have cheated, but that’s because she or he did this or that.”
The person who made the mistake spends his or her energy defending themselves instead of looking in the mirror and taking responsibility. The other person is bombarded even more in this way.
3. Sending mixed signals
Someone who sends mixed messages may be very interested for a while and then suddenly ignore you completely, only to reappear later. Why this is done? It could be that someone does it completely unintentionally, because he or she is not sure of their own feelings for you and does not know how to behave.
Things are different when it happens deliberately. In this case, the goal is not so sweet: to make you feel insecure and preferably want you in a desperate way. This also strokes your own ego.
4. Encourage feelings of guilt
People use guilt techniques (blaming others) to weaken the other person’s barriers or resistance. Someone who feels guilty is more likely to let others walk all over him. These types of people are also more likely to give in or do things they would otherwise never have done if they didn’t feel guilty.
5. Withdrawal of affection
This also often happens in relationships, although often in an innocent form. Many people withhold affection from others if they do not get their way. Of course, this should not be confused with being angry at your partner for a legitimate reason. What should you imagine about this? Well, something along the lines of: “We’ll sleep in different beds until you agree to my idea!” Or “you don’t want to do what I say? Then we won’t leave either.”
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6. Love bombing
Love bombing is what manipulative people often do at the beginning of the relationship, also known as love bombing . Someone tries very hard to appear to be the perfect partner. The person may be constantly texting you, buying you gifts and also wanting to get started in the relationship right away. However, it is important to distinguish between love bombing and showing interest in a normal way.
What’s the problem with someone who bombards you with all the love and affection in the world, especially in the beginning of the relationship? That it can turn the other way in just as extreme a way. And then you discover the true nature of the other.
7. Pushing boundaries
This is where someone deliberately says something hurtful or disrespectful to you simply to test your reaction and your boundaries. Someone wants to see if you are a person who can be put down or if you can stand up for yourself. People who do this are generally looking for someone with a weak personality.
Are you biting away? Then you may have to say a final goodbye. Don’t see that as a sin, but as a blessing. In the long term you have freed yourself from a lot of psychological games.
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