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Social anxiety, that is such a difficult situation. It can not only affect your daily life, but it can also really get in the way when you want to go on a date. In the Netherlands, it is estimated that one in ten people will have to deal with this. That is a considerable number, and it has a serious impact.
You know that feeling, the fear of being judged negatively, the nerves when you have to speak in front of a group, or the clammy hands when you meet someone new . It is often a combination of these things that makes you avoid certain situations. And then you may also have a social phobia that adds an extra layer of tension when you start dating online.
Why Dating Is Hard With Social Anxiety
Do you feel a knot in your stomach just thinking about a date? Do you worry about the first date for days before it happens? It’s because that social anxiety is causing you to question yourself constantly. You’re constantly thinking, “What if I say something stupid?” or “What if I do something weird?”
And let’s face it, the fear of rejection also plays a role that we can’t ignore. You’re afraid of being rejected , which can really knock your self-confidence. And then there are those annoying physical reactions, like sweaty palms and a pounding heart, that you just can’t seem to control.
It’s like an internal battle between the desire to date and the fear of failure. But you know, that’s completely normal. Everyone struggles with something, and it doesn’t make you less valuable than anyone else. You’re not alone in this battle with social anxiety when dating. There are ways to deal with it and build your confidence, and that’s exactly what we’re going to talk about.
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16 Tips for Dating with Social Anxiety
If you’re determined to give dating a try, you’ve come to the right place for some handy tips to help you get started. And remember these inspiring words from the inventor of the automobile, Henry Ford: “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” It’s all about your mindset, so think positively and don’t be too hard on yourself. Let’s take a look at how to navigate the online dating world without your heart pounding in your throat with anxiety.
1. Take time to prepare
Okay, let’s face it, getting ready for a date can be a lot of work. But that doesn’t mean you have to rush around the house like a whirlwind and end up feeling even more stressed. No, take your time getting ready. Jump in the shower, put on that cute outfit, and lay out your clothes ahead of time. Relax .
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2. Be honest
You know what? It’s totally fine if you’re not exactly jumping up and down to meet in public. If crowded places make you nervous, that’s totally understandable. And here’s the key: be honest. You don’t have to do what you don’t want to do. If the other person suggests going to a restaurant and you’re getting sweaty palms at the thought, just be honest and say that’s not your thing. Don’t stress, you’re in control.
3. Schedule the date quickly
Do you also have that, that you worry about a date for days and play all kinds of disaster scenarios in your head? Your brain is working overtime with negative thoughts, and that exhausts you. Here is the solution: plan that date as soon as possible, preferably tomorrow. That way you prevent yourself from tensely waiting all week for something you are dreading.
4. Choose a comfortable date activity
It’s all about comfort, so choose a date activity that you feel comfortable with. Think a walk in the park or a quick coffee date at your or their place. If you feel comfortable, you’re more likely to have your social anxiety under control.
5. Practice makes perfect
Tackling your social anxiety is like a muscle that you have to train. You learn the most by looking your fears straight in the eye. Think of therapy for social anxiety, where you seek out the scary situations. In the dating world, this means making online contacts to get a feel for dating, without the pressure of face-to-face contact.
Saying goodbye to social anxiety doesn’t happen overnight. Start small, say hello to strangers on the street, chat up the cashier, or chat with your new neighbors. Thanks to dating apps like Lexa , you can also practice online before you meet up with someone. Or practice with a friend to simulate a date, if that helps.
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6. Discuss it with a friend
It can be hard to stay realistic when you’re on your own. Sometimes it’s hard to stay realistic when you’re sitting there brooding on your own. Maybe you think you’re not worth it at all. In these cases, remember that your friends are there to support you. Talk to them about your first date and get reassurance. Their support will boost your self-confidence and help you go into the date with more confidence.
7. Focus on the other person
You know that feeling: you are so nervous that you almost get tunnel vision. Everything revolves around you, your behavior, your words, how the other person reacts to you, and what you feel. But you can prevent that by focusing on your date. Ask questions, listen carefully to what the other person has to say, and forget about your nerves for a while. The more you focus on your date, the less you are concerned with yourself. After all, it is about what you think of each other and not about what you think of yourself? A few things you can pay attention to:
- What is this person saying?
- What do you think about what that person says?
- How does the mouth move during speech?
- Does the person use filler words?
- Does the person move their hands a lot?
- Is the person making eye contact?
- What do you think of the person’s smile?
8. Cognitive therapy
A lot of that fear you feel comes from false beliefs. You might think that the end of the world is coming if someone thinks you’re a little weird. But you know what? That’s just not true. Cognitive therapy can help you change those false beliefs.
For example, you may think that everyone should think you are great, but in reality, it doesn’t matter what others think. Just because someone thinks you are weird doesn’t necessarily mean you are weird . Cognitive therapy teaches you that it doesn’t matter what others say or think about you. At least, it doesn’t matter as much as you think.
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9. Learn relaxation techniques
Those nerves can trigger some pretty intense physical reactions, like rapid breathing and a high heart rate. But you can control them with certain techniques. Learn to slow your breathing and avoid getting overwhelmed by tension in social situations. It’s a step toward that stress-free date you’ve been dreaming of.
10. Talk virtually beforehand
Let’s face it, that first meeting can be nerve-wracking. But why wait until you meet in person? Pick up the phone or start a video chat to break the ice. It’ll help both of you get used to each other’s voices and faces, making the actual date much less stressful.
11. Practice positive self-talk
You have the power of positive self-talk in your arsenal, also known as positive affirmations. Remind yourself that you are worthwhile, interesting, and that your date is lucky to have met you. Say goodbye to those negative thoughts and say hello to a confident mindset.
12. Avoid caffeine and sugar
That big cup of coffee or sugary drink can turn your nerves into a rollercoaster ride. Avoid these substances before your date to keep your mind and body calmer. You’ll find yourself going into your date much more relaxed. Also, see what other foods or drinks you can skip before your date to help ease your nervousness.
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13. Bring a friend
Sometimes an extra shoulder to lean on is just what you need. If it will help you feel more comfortable, invite a friend to join you on your date, perhaps on a double date . They can support you and help you feel at ease.
14. Visualize a positive dating experience
Close your eyes and imagine the date going perfectly. See yourself smiling, enjoying the company and being relaxed. Visualization can help you to enter the date with positivity and confidence.
15. Remind yourself that vulnerability is okay
Vulnerability is not weakness, it is a sign of courage. Know that it is okay to show yourself as you are, with all your insecurities and fears. Being authentic only makes you more attractive.
16. Give yourself credit for every step you take, no matter how small
Every step forward deserves a pat on the back. Give yourself the recognition you deserve, whether it’s planning the date or just showing interest in someone. Tell yourself you’re doing great. Because even though it’s hard for you, you’re up for the challenge.
Dating with social anxiety is challenging, that’s for sure. But remember, it’s all about overcoming that fear one step at a time. If you feel like you’re not quite ready yet, that’s okay too. Work on yourself first before you dive into the dating adventure. Overcoming social anxiety is a process, but if dating can help you do that, it’s a double win.
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