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It feels almost magical to have a good connection with someone. Words flow out of your mouth almost spontaneously. Every little touch causes a nice tingling sensation. From the first kiss to lying in each other’s arms and having sex: it feels fantastic to be in love.
When you are apart, the desire to see each other again grows every minute. Minutes seem like hours and hours seem like days. In your mind’s eye you envision a life in which you and your loved one grow old together . Someone you didn’t even know existed months ago is now the home base in your life. Everything indicates that this could be the one. But then, on an ordinary day, something changes.
While your loved one was always extremely excited about the future, it now seems impossible to plan even a month ahead. Questions are answered with non-binding answers and increasing vagueness. Something seems to be going on, but you can’t quite put your finger on it. And while you are still a hotel resident yourself, you have gotten the feeling that this is no longer mutual. Something, you have noticed, has changed.
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6 signs of a deteriorating relationship
Contrary to what movies and series would have you believe, most relationships do not end with a sudden event. On the contrary: the end of a relationship usually happens gradually. Slowly and steadily the foundation crumbles until the whole thing finally collapses. But how can you recognize this turnaround? What exactly changes in behavior? And what are the signs that ‘prove’ that a relationship is deteriorating?
According to Theresa E. DiDonato, professor of psychology at Loyola University Maryland, there are several signs that a relationship may soon be over. DiDonato has been researching romantic relationships for many years and believes that the best signs of a deteriorating relationship are found in increased independence – that is when one partner becomes more independent of the other.
“A breakup is rarely spontaneous,” says DiDonato. “People think about ending their relationship before they break up.” She says that people currently have an internal conflict where they want to [break up] but at the same time they don’t. And according to the professor, this is the moment when the signs appear.
1. Emotional detachment
Do you feel emotionally involved with your partner at this moment? According to DiDonato, emotional involvement can serve as a benchmark to “measure” the health of your relationship. If people start to become emotionally distant, it may be a sign that they are preparing to end the relationship.
2. Negative spontaneous reactions
If there is no time to think about a response, how does your partner feel about you? In other words, what is the gut feeling your partner has about you? Research shows that these spontaneous reactions can be particularly revealing about the future of a relationship . Are they negative reactions? Then the chance of a fracture is greater, according to research .
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3. Less positive reactions to good news
When something good happens in your life and you share the news with your partner, is it celebrated? DiDonato says reactions to good news can provide insight into the future stability of a relationship. Couples who do not respond well to their partner’s good news, such as being less enthusiastic or passive, are more likely to break up than those who genuinely celebrate, according to research .
“Sharing good news with someone who doesn’t respond as you hoped is a depressing experience,” she explains. “Just imagine how a bad reaction to good news could affect your future behavior: next time you have good news, would you share it? This can lead to more distance, further endangering the relationship.”
4. Less positive non-verbal behavior
How does your partner behave around you? Does he or she show positive nonverbal behavior, such as smiling and leaning toward you, or is it less than before? DiDonato: “How you say something can reveal more than what you say. Do you show less positive non-verbal behavior? Then this could be a sign of a deteriorating relationship.”
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5. Share little about yourself
How often do you share your feelings with your partner? And vice versa? The exchange of intimate feelings, a process called “emotional self-disclosure,” can support relationship health. “When people stop sharing their important feelings with a partner or instead share them with someone else, the partner loses an opportunity to build the relationship,” DiDonato explains. “If this becomes a habit, it could indicate someone is turning away from a relationship.”
6. Deteriorating illusions
Is your partner still the nicest, best and most handsome? Or have you started to think differently about that over time? According to the professor, relationships can continue to exist (in part) because people have unrealistic ideas about their partners. And that is actually a good sign. Positive illusions are the most important predictors of relationship stability, according to research , and a lack of them can be a sign that a relationship has deteriorated.
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