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Every person has different needs. These are needs that are about life, but also needs that are specific to relationships. For example, every person has the basic need to eat and feel safe. Some needs will be greater than others.
The need to eat is vital, while the need for social contact is not. Yet it is also very important for your happiness. The famous scientist Abraham Maslow therefore drew up a pyramid with a certain order of urgency of needs. 1
Basic needs are also important in relationships. The extent to which you fulfill each other’s needs within the relationship plays a central role. The better we manage to fulfill our needs, the happier we feel.
It is therefore the driving force behind a large part of our behavior, making it of great importance in our love relationships. To gain a better insight, below we provide an overview of 6 needs that play a role in relationships.
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What are basic needs?
According to the definition, basic needs are factors that individuals need in order to lead a happy life. There are several psychologists and scientists who have drawn up a list of basic human needs. For example, Steven Reiss has developed a model of no fewer than sixteen needs, including the need to have influence, the need for knowledge, the need for companionship and the need for love.
The basic needs will motivate human behavior. By fulfilling as many of the needs as possible, a person will become happier. One of the most well-known hierarchies is Maslow’s Pyramid of Needs .
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The basic needs according to Maslow
The psychologist Abraham Maslow has established a well-known hierarchy of needs. The theory is drawn up according to a pyramid model and describes five phases that motivate people and focus on fulfilling basic needs.
Based on what people need and want, some needs will be greater than others. At the bottom of the pyramid are the most basic needs, while the psychological and more social needs are more at the top of the hierarchy.
The first level according to Maslow are the physiological needs; those that are necessary to stay alive. Think of food, shelter and clothing. The second layer in the pyramid are safety needs such as health, personal and financial safety. Then come the social needs, such as love and acceptance.
The fourth step is the need for self-esteem, recognition and respect. The highest level of Maslow’s basic needs is self-actualization; reach your true potential.
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6 basic needs in relationships
One of the components of Maslow’s pyramid is the need for love. Within relationships, there are also a number of needs to be distinguished. Below we give 6 basic needs that everyone wants to fulfill. Some will probably apply to you more than others. Perhaps some needs are more important to you than others.
Are these needs being met at this time? By looking at the list below you can become more aware of the role they play in your relationship.
1. Security and comfort
One of the first needs in a relationship is security. You want to feel safe and try to avoid pain. You also want to feel comfortable in your environment and in your relationship. Every person therefore wants to feel a degree of security and safety. However, the degree of this need may differ per individual. While some already feel security without a permanent job and benefits, others will only feel security if they earn thousands of euros every year.
When it comes to relationships, you want to feel safe with your partner. There is no mental or physical pain and you feel completely at ease. There is a level of stability in your daily life and you can trust that your partner is there for you.
2. Variety and fun
In addition to security, someone also needs some uncertainty and variation in life. Challenges are necessary to grow further as a person and as a couple. Everyone therefore needs some variation in their life. Because if you have the same routine every day, the fun of life often disappears a bit. By having enough variation and cheerfulness in your relationship, you are less likely to end up in a rut.
Do you want to bring more variety into your relationship? Then you can do original things together with your partner or find a new passion or hobby. It is nice to have some unpredictability and surprise each other with something special in the long run .
3. Appreciation
Every person wants to feel important, appreciated and wanted. You want to feel special and appreciated by your partner. One of the most important human needs is therefore recognition and respect and this is also clearly evident in relationships. It can differ per individual when they feel appreciated .
For example, someone may feel appreciated when they have accomplished something, such as doing important work for humanity. Another person may feel appreciated by the smaller things in life and their connection with friends and family. Therefore, it is also important to appreciate your partner and show them that you think they are very special.
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4. Love and connection
The fourth basic need is that a person wants to feel love and connection. Everyone strives to feel love. In some cultures this is not necessarily romantic love, but more the love for family or friends. Some people will experience little love, but then have other ways to connect with others. The need to feel loved is a characteristic of almost all people.
In a relationship you want to feel this love and connection strongly. You want to feel that someone loves you and that you are connected in different ways. This can be done by spending a lot of time together, giving each other attention and talking about feelings and emotions. You can also see the connection in other things such as thoughtful gifts or other ways of expressing love.
This also involves people having a need for acceptance. You need to be able to be yourself with your partner, express your opinion and show your bad and good qualities. You need to accept each other for who you are.
5. Growth
The highest level of Maslow’s pyramid was self-actualization; achieving your true potential. Every person wants to constantly develop intellectually, personally and emotionally. In relationships you must also give each other the space to continue to grow and develop yourself. Some people grow by reading, studying and acquiring more knowledge, for example, while others fulfill the need for growth by exercising a lot physically.
No matter how you want to grow, it is important to always continue to do so. You will change as a person throughout your life and in relationships it is important to give each other that space and grow with each other.
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6. Thinking of others
The last need in a relationship is to look beyond your own needs, but also to think about others: to contribute. It is human nature not only to take, but also to give. This could be to friends, your partner, a community, a charity or in many other ways. Making a contribution is essential to feeling fulfilled and happy.
In a relationship it is therefore very important not only to think about yourself, but also about your partner and others. Think about each other’s needs and try to meet them as much as possible. In this way you can fulfill most of the basic needs together and live a happy life.
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