Share This Article
If you’re in a relationship, chances are you’ve had your fair share of tense moments with your partner. In this case we mean heated conversations, tense confessions, or verbal confrontations. It’s okay to have arguments with each other every now and then, because partners clashing is a completely normal part of being together.
However, the key to a lasting relationship is to work on building a stronger, more intimate bond. Healthy communication makes a world of difference, because good communication in a relationship creates a basis of lasting trust, satisfaction and openness between couples. It may be a bit cliché now, but good communication is one of the most important ingredients for a healthy relationship.
That is easier said than done, but it is precisely in this that we see a role for us. Because whether you are just starting a relationship as a couple or have been together for years, we expect that this information can help you improve your communication skills.
What is communication in a relationship?
Connection: we all crave it. We look for it through family and friends, but we often expect to find the most connection in our intimate relationships. If we don’t, we feel isolated and misunderstood. At worst, we let these negative emotions spiral into arguments – or worse, we stop communicating altogether.
Communication in relationships is essential to a happy, healthy partnership. And it’s not about making small talk. Asking your partner how their day went is fun, but if you want a strong relationship , you have to dig deeper. Perhaps the most important thing in communication is to hear what is not being said.
You and your partner will face communication problems at some point. Over time, people have difficulty finding the words they used to find or maintaining the tone they used in the beginning. The communication barriers go up and before you know it, a point has been reached where you would rather not talk to your partner at all. Fortunately, communication is a fairly simple and effective solution, but it does take time and care.
Your partner is probably the person you spend the most time with, which means there is also automatically a greater risk of misunderstandings and conflict . But if you manage to perfect communication in relationships, you will be rewarded in the short term.
ALSO READ: 12 Things You Should Never Do in a Relationship
More trust
Real communication in relationships means that you can go to your partner at any time and bring it up: both happiness and sadness, good and bad days, and positive news as well as negative news, are part of any lasting relationship. You are willing to be vulnerable with the other person because you know they will support you and love you no matter what.
Better troubleshooting
We all know couples who fight all the time , while we also know the perfect couples who don’t seem to argue at all. While all relationships have ups and downs, very frequent arguments and no arguments at all are actually both signs of a lack of communication. The key is never to disagree with your partner. Sometimes you have to collide with each other to learn from it and to be able to solve problems even better together.
Increased intimacy
Discovering how to improve communication in the relationship is good for your emotional intimacy, the ability to listen, understand and empathize with your partner. By developing your communication skills, you show that you respect and value your partner and his or her feelings and opinions. When people feel honored and accepted in this way, their emotional intimacy with you skyrockets as well.
ALSO READ: Bad Patterns in Relationships: Recognize, Break and Solve
The pitfall of negative communication
Negative communication in the relationship has also been a reason for research by scientists. In the study, published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin , scientists followed a total of 4,089 couples to look for a link between communication and relationship satisfaction.
The couples who participated appeared to be less satisfied with their relationship when there was negative communication such as insulting , belittling, criticizing , refusing to talk to or shouting at the partner. At the same time, the study found no significant evidence of increased satisfaction when there was good communication.
Recognizing bad communication
Before you can start improving your communication skills, it’s important to first identify the areas that still need work. These areas can be divided as follows:
Passive aggressive behavior
Passive aggression is a way of expressing hidden anger instead of addressing conflict head-on. Think about:
- Joking about your partner who is always late.
- Trouble your partner by staying quiet and ignoring.
- Giving a sneer about decisions that do not affect your relationship.
All of these behaviors allow you to express your frustration without actually having to talk about it. This passive aggressive behavior may be satisfying in the moment, but it won’t do you much good in the long run.
ALSO READ: 60 Signs of a Harmful Relationship
Waving away differences of opinion
Avoiding conflict doesn’t help either. Ignoring problems simply gives them space and time to lead to a bigger problem later.
Aggressive communication
Becoming overtly defensive or hostile when talking to your partner is a sign that you have entered a toxic communication pattern. Aggressive speech can manifest itself through:
- Raised voices.
- Accusations or continuous criticism.
- Wanting to control or dominate the conversation.
5 tips to improve communication
Now that you know the importance of communication for a relationship and how to recognize the pitfalls, it is time to move on to the five tips to improve communication in the short term. Five effective ways to do that are:
1. Break communication barriers
There is no room for barriers when it comes to communication in relationships. Good communication requires openness. The point is, barriers aren’t broken just because you want them to disappear. One of the ways to improve communication in a relationship requires removing barriers through gradual change.
Start by removing criticism, blame and/or defensiveness. Openness only occurs when both participants feel comfortable and safe.
2. Stay in the present
A guaranteed way to upset someone is to bring up the past. However, communication in relationships must remain in the present, because living in the past often negatively affects the present, because the moments and therefore the disputes pile up and there is always something to bring up again.
One of the most effective ways to improve communication in a relationship is to remain calm, respectful and focused on the topic at hand, even in the most unpleasant moments. Referring to the past quickly turns minor disagreements into major arguments. Before you know it, completely unnecessary things are said and the relationship takes a hit. There’s no reason to escalate something minor.
ALSO READ: Is It Difficult to Share Feelings? These are 11 Tips to Express Your Emotions
3. Listen more than you speak
If you take the time to hear and process what the other person is saying, you will gain a better understanding on their part and they will understand you by doing the same. In the heat of the moment, we tend to catch little bits of what someone is saying, but completely miss the full picture. This bad pattern is often also the cause of people feeling misunderstood.
To implement this tip, add structure to conversations by not interrupting the other person and focusing more on what someone is saying rather than what you plan to say when the other person has finished speaking.
4. Pay attention to non-verbal cues
Nonverbal communication is just as, if not more important than verbal communication. Work on using body language . Our body language and gestures say it all. Some examples of this include crossed arms, keeping the body at a distance, lack of eye contact, or dismissive gestures. All these non-verbal ways of communicating can completely escalate a conversation.
Pay close attention to the person you are talking to. Good communication is like a kind of dance where both parties have to take cues from each other to reach a successful conclusion. When two people can read each other, they become closer because there is a mutual understanding of boundaries.
ALSO READ: 26 Classic Causes of Common Relationship Problems
5. Never underestimate the impact of honesty
Communicating openly and honestly is one of the steps to strengthen the relationship. Relationships depend on honesty. One of the communication skills and ways to improve communication in a relationship is to maintain honesty at all times. However, that doesn’t just mean telling the truth. It also means being honest with yourself about your feelings and views .
If you ever feel uncomfortable about what you just let out, be honest in admitting it and apologizing. Because honesty always lasts the longest, especially when we are talking about a relationship between two people.
P.S. Are you already following Gistinger.com on Facebook , Instagram and Twitter?