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Dating is hard for everyone. But it’s even harder when you’re constantly choosing the wrong partners. While you say you want a stable partner to start a middle-class life, you only date creative types who shudder at the thought of having children. Or you want to meet an adventurer who will help you push boundaries, but you keep dating tax advisors and accountants who lead colorless lives.
If you find yourself starting to blame the opposite sex, it’s time to evaluate why that is. It’s easy to blame someone or something else, but it’s often your own behavior that’s causing you to attract the wrong types . And when you realize that it’s an internal, personal issue, then the question of all questions is, “What am I doing wrong that’s not attracting the right partner?”
We asked Leonie Erenstein, Love Coach for Kwissle , a new dating app that uses the unique concept of ‘The Love Journey’. Leonie coaches singles from her Love Lab practice and explains what you can do differently if you do want to meet the right types.
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5 Tips for Attracting the Right Partner
When you look back at all the futile efforts and failed attempts, you will find that one factor has always been the same. That factor is you. You may not be able to change the behavior of others, but you do have the power to change your own behavior. In other words, attracting the right partner starts with you.
“It’s not them, it’s you.”
Do you keep attracting the wrong people? Don’t know what you’re doing wrong? Love Coach Leonie shared some tips with us on attracting the right partner.
1. Break Your Dating Fomo
Dating apps want you to keep swiping. They want you to stay on the app and active for as long as possible. According to research, that is not a good idea at all, because everyone who is active on dating apps develops a rejection mentality. The more you swipe, the more people you reject. And that leads to you making the wrong choice sooner.
“Limit your swiping and dating time to fixed moments and with a maximum time,” says Leonie. “Go ‘slow swiping’ and be aware of why you do or do not choose someone. Only swipe when you are in a good vibe yourself.”
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2. See yourself as the main prize
We almost all lose courage when we fail again . It does something to your self-esteem – the value you assign to yourself. The great thing about this is that you can determine your own worth, because it comes from within instead of from outside. By giving yourself a high rating, you ask others to do the same. And when you know your worth, you are less dependent on the approval of others.
Leonie: “Make a list of all your positive qualities and characteristics (outward and inner). Let go of the critic (the little voice that says: ‘Yes, but I’m only good enough if…’). Look at this list before you go on a date or have a conversation. Treat yourself like the King or Queen and step into that energy.”
3. Break through your fear
It is very normal to be afraid of the unknown. We all have this fear, some more than others . According to Leonie, these fears can get in the way of attracting the right partner. “Abandonment/attachment anxiety? You are not alone,” says Leonie. “Find out if you are struggling with this and ask yourself the following questions.”
- What am I afraid of?
- Is this fear real?
- What would happen if I let this go? Seek help with that if necessary.
4. Examine your desires
Are you always obsessed with whether the other person likes you ? Then you forget that it is a two-way street. After all, it is not about what the other person likes or wants. It is about what you want.
Leonie: “Make a new ‘list’ where you ask yourself the following questions and answer them.”
- What do I long for deep inside? (in terms of partner, relationship, future)
- Why do I want that? (in terms of partner, relationship, future)
- How do you want to feel in love?
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5. Eliminate the negative beliefs
Dating is hard enough, but some singles make it even harder with their own negative beliefs. These beliefs can be the barriers that prevent you from attracting the right partner. What negative beliefs do you unconsciously hold about dating, relationships, and love?
- “All the good men are taken.”
- “Romance only exists in movies.”
- “Women don’t look for a nice man.”
- “I’m too fat, old, or heavy to attract the partner I want.”
“Write them down,” says Leonie. “Test them one by one: are they 100% true?”
“Example: can you be 100% sure that online dating will not bring you love? Your first reaction might be: ‘Yes, because I have that experience.’ That is not the answer. Because if you were to start online dating tomorrow, why wouldn’t your soulmate, partner, great love be among them? Can you be 100% sure? No.”
Leonie Erenstein is the Love Coach for Kwissle, a dating app founded by two Dutch entrepreneurs, Wessel Verhoeff and Kees Doornenbal. Based on their own experiences, they missed a dating app that follows the natural process of love encounters. Kwissle can be downloaded via the App Store and Google Play.
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