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- Recognize your own moments of stress. Recognize your own old patterns and your way of reacting. And you certainly don’t have to be able to change it right away. That’s simply not possible. You’re only human. We also regularly react in a way that we would rather not. How you can learn to recognize and notice this is to take a moment AFTER the unpleasant situation that has occurred, to reflect on what happened to yourself now. What made you react like that. How did it build up? And how do you want to deal with this differently in the future. If you reflect on yourself AFTER the situation every time, you will increase your awareness in this way. It certainly won’t change anything right away, but this is the foundation on which you can start building.
- Be aware of how you approach your child. Do you approach your child from a basic attitude in which you really pay attention to your child? Or do you approach your child from a distance, so shouting from the kitchen? Or from behind your phone today? And do you make ‘real’ contact? Or do you actually shout without real attention for each other? This will not solve everything, but it is one of the basic points that you want to be aware of and that therefore also influences how the interaction is between you and your child.
- Insight into your child’s behavioral patterns. In fact, many children are the same. They all have their own character and temperament, but if you talk to other parents, you will see that there are also many similarities. Basically, a child only wants to do well, and hear this from a parent. That is always one of the basic points that you want to start from. If you look at and act towards your child from this perspective, then your child will always feel heard and understood.
- Children always want to help. Although it may not always seem that way, your child basically always wants to help you as a parent. Children are focused on positive interaction. And although it sometimes seems like they are only asking for negative attention, they still mean it differently. How often does it happen to you that you show different behavior than you mean? Or that you say something that does not go down well with the other person? Without having those intentions? And can you imagine that we still do that as adults, and should therefore have learned a lot by now. So always try to assume ‘the best’ of your child.
- The only thing children want is the unconditional love of you as a parent. Period…. ;-). If you have been in a negative circle with each other for a long time, this sometimes goes away for a while. But think back to your own childhood. How do you want your parents to react to you? And think about you? And behave towards you? Unconditional love, right….