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You’ve done pretty much everything that “real” couples do who are in a relationship. From binge-watching a TV show together and hanging out with each other’s friends to daydreaming about traveling the world together. It looks like a relationship, it smells like a relationship, and it feels like a relationship. But it’s not a relationship. At least, not if he has his way.
Despite you doing everything normal couples do, he does n’t want to put a label on it . He doesn’t see you as his girlfriend, but more as… someone who isn’t his girlfriend. What exactly, he doesn’t know either. So you wonder why on earth you’re looking after his dog when he’s away for the weekend with his friends. Because if you’re not his girlfriend, why would you do all the girlfriend stuff?
Relationships like this can be confusing. For everyone in the relationship. For him because he doesn’t know exactly what he wants. For you because you don’t know what he wants. And because of the mixed signals, you’ve started to doubt whether he’s really as serious as he pretends to be. You think he doesn’t want to commit to you. But why wouldn’t he?
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Why ‘why’ isn’t the right question
Now you probably expected a list of all the possible reasons why he doesn’t want to commit to you. And that list follows, but first this.
If a man says he doesn’t want to commit, to you or in general, take his word for it. Whatever the reason, he’s giving you the only answer you need to know. When a man knows what he wants, he knows what he wants. Changing his mind is nearly impossible, even if you think you “know” what he wants deep down or what’s good for him.
- “He’s afraid of being abandoned. I can show him that I will never do that.”
- “He actually wants it. If I try hard enough, he will change his mind.”
- “His behavior shows that he wants a girlfriend. He just doesn’t want to admit it.”
If you have these thoughts, stop them immediately. Men rarely change their minds once they know they’re not going to commit to you. He may be afraid of being abandoned . He may actually want a girlfriend. And he may be acting like he wants a relationship. But if he says you’re not going to be his girlfriend, that’s all that matters.
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5 Reasons Why Men Don’t Want to Commit
Men want to commit, just like women do. But just like women, they don’t want to commit to just anyone, and not when it’s inconvenient. In that respect, men are just like people. While there may be 101 reasons why a man doesn’t want to commit to you, here are five reasons that are typical for men.
1. He feels pressured
People do strange things when their backs are against the wall. Do you constantly say that you want to make the relationship official? That you finally want to be called his girlfriend? When men are pressured to commit, they may do the exact opposite: not commit. Even if he does want to commit in the near future, the nagging may tempt him to pull away.
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2. He doesn’t like you enough
Let’s be honest: if he thought you were the one , you wouldn’t be reading this. He would have serenaded you under your window, begging for your love. But he doesn’t. Instead, he tells you he doesn’t want to commit. If you can add 1 + 1, you get what this means: you’re not the one for him. At least, he doesn’t like you enough to commit to you.
He might say the timing is bad or he has other priorities . That he’s afraid of hurting you or that he’s not looking for anything serious right now. Whatever the excuse, in most cases it boils down to him not finding you good enough.
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3. He only has you for sex
To be blunt, he’s only using you for sex . For some men, this is the only reason they don’t want to commit. He might say he wants to keep it casual or that he’s not sure about his feelings yet . The bottom line is that he wants to have sex with you, but not the commitment of a serious relationship. All the fun you do, the deep conversations, and the provocative texts are just foreplay to him .
4. He is afraid of getting hurt
A donkey doesn’t stumble over the same stone twice, he thinks. Because he has had bad experiences with previous girlfriends, he can withdraw from any relationship that tends to become serious. Why? For self-protection. If he doesn’t let anyone get close, no one can hurt him. For some men who absolutely don’t want a relationship, this is the reason. There is even a name for it: fear of commitment .
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5. He’s not done with being single
A man knows that if he commits to a woman, he loses the chance to date whoever he wants. He can’t end up drunk in someone’s bed after a night out. The moment he commits to you, he knows it’s game over . The man who has this reason not to commit to you loves his freedom. And he’s not willing to give it up for you.
He likes dating you and he definitely won’t say no to sex with you. But all the obligations and expectations? He’s not interested in that. So if you think you can turn a perpetual bachelor into a life partner, you have to realize that the change can only come from within himself.
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