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Is there a word scarier to singles than “date”? Probably not. Even the most assertive men and women feel the tension when a first meeting is scheduled. And even they sometimes find themselves speechless on a date when they’re normally “not like that at all.” That’s why most people find dating scary—even more nerve-wracking than public speaking, according to research .
First dates are always full of exciting surprises. You don’t know exactly who will show up, whether they look like the pictures, or whether the spark will be there. After all, you are opening yourself up in a vulnerable way to someone you don’t know at all. That’s scary . And because of that, you can start to behave ‘differently’, hesitant and uncertain at the same time, while you say strange things and reveal your deepest secrets. The exciting experience can make you say things you shouldn’t say on a date.
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32 Things Not to Say on a Date
Even if you have a lot to say , you should never reveal everything on a first date. It’s not necessary. It can even lead to disappointment. That’s why we’ve listed 32 things you shouldn’t bring up on a date. If you want a date to go smoothly, don’t say these things.
1. ‘My ex always did that too’
There are certain topics of conversation that are best left untouched when you’re getting to know someone. One of those topics is your ex. If you’ve just gotten out of a long-term relationship, your lines will likely still reference your ex. You might say things like “that’s what [ex’s name] and I used to do!” When you’re dating, these lines are the poison that will kill a date.
2. ‘Well, it’s about time!’
Even if you think the comment you made to the waitress is justified, keep it to yourself. Criticizing, putting down, and mocking others is a surefire way to drive someone away. For many, treating others outright badly is a dealbreaker . Your date isn’t just judging you on how you treat them, they’re also judging you on how you treat others.
3. ‘I could never have anything with…’
A FVD voter, low-educated or meat eater: however you finish the sentence, it is a sentence you should never say. You are allowed to think it. You are allowed to have that opinion. But it is not a sentence you should say on a date.
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4. ‘We could have beautiful children together, don’t you think?’
In whatever form you refer to a future together, the first date is not the moment. The bond is still too fragile to be able to make such statements. You do not know each other well enough yet, so do not get ahead of yourself.
5. ‘Do you often have solo sex?’
Sex is something that can be brought up on a first date in a normal way. Especially if you plan on getting into bed later. But asking sexual questions without any introduction is a step too far for some people. In fact, it can make the date uncomfortable right away.
6. ‘What’s your brother’s name? And your sister’s?’
While it is important to get to know each other better , remember that you are not a police officer. This is not an interrogation. Asking thoughtful questions to build an emotional connection is good. Going overboard with the questioning is not.
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7. ‘You are a-lly perfect. And beautiful. And intelligent’
Giving a compliment is allowed, love bombing is not. Excessive affection, overly romantic gestures and showing intense attraction are not things you should do on a first date. If you give too many compliments, it is seen as a manipulative and slimy tactic to get what you want.
8. ‘Are you going to eat all that?’
Shaming is never fun. So keep all comments that judge the other person to yourself. Don’t say anything that could be offensive. Don’t say anything that makes you seem insensitive to the wishes and preferences of another person.
9. ‘I found that you lived in Enschede in 2005. What was that like?’
It’s perfectly normal to engage in a little online stalking before a date. It’s something everyone does. If only to avoid being seated at a table with a revolving door criminal. But unless you want to come across as a stalker yourself, don’t say anything about what you’ve found.
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10. ‘On Fridays and Saturdays I always turn off the lights in the café’
Cool? Not really. Whether you’re a man or a woman, it can easily sound like you’re drinking too much on the weekend and staying out late into the night. So think about not only what you say, but also what image you’re creating.
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22 Extra Phrases Never to Use
The beginning of the getting-to-know-you process on a first date is not the most fun part. The awkward pauses in conversation and the nervous laughter. No one is really comfortable with it. And if you say the wrong thing, it really doesn’t go anywhere. Nothing ends a good date faster than a bad comment. Here are 22 more sentences you should avoid saying:
- You’re not the type I normally fall for.
- You look so different in real life.
- You remind me of my ex.
- How come you ‘re still single ?
- Actually, I’m not looking for a relationship.
- My mother/father has the same perfume!
- You’re not really pretty, but you have something I find interesting.
- I’m kind of married to my job.
- Is the person you keep taking pictures with still single?
- You wouldn’t say you were exercising.
- Some people think I’m arrogant, but I’m just very confident.
- Would you eat all that?
- I am high maintenance .
- Split? Oh, I assumed you’d pay.
- A woman’s only right is the kitchen sink.
- How much do you earn?
- If you were to lose some weight, you would…
- You would get along well with my husband/wife.
- When you act like this, you’re just like my mother.
- Is it okay if my friend sits with me?
- It doesn’t really sound like you’re having fun in life.
- You’re not much of a feminist, are you?
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