30 and Single? Here’s What You Need to Do Now as a Single Thirtysomething

It happens more and more often these days: you go out with friends and everyone shows up with their partner. A few years ago you liked that, because while everyone complained about the obligations, you could do whatever you wanted. However, a while ago everything changed, on the day you turned 30.

Because, at that age, a big realization suddenly hit you. It was as if someone could run up to you and an emergency alarm went off: ‘You’re 30 and still single!’ In fact, you start to blame yourself more and more and even become a bit insecure about it. Because that single life was great for a long time, but now the time has come to settle down. Are you 30 and still single? Then this is what you need to do now.

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Why Being 30 and Single Is So Hard

Some ages simply symbolize a new phase in life. We don’t want to get ahead of ourselves yet, but the age of 50 is a good example of this. Another typical example, for let’s say the young generation, is the age limit of 30. While at the age of 29 you are still in the prime of your life, at 30 that is suddenly completely different.

Of course, we are now starting to do it a little bit, but many people experience it this way. 30 years old means new responsibilities and therefore also the age that it starts to get difficult as a bachelor.

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The I’m Alone Crisis

In the intro we already sketched an everyday situation that will be recognizable for singles of 30+. Yes, it is different if you are a first-class womanizer who consciously chooses to remain single, but most people will have calmed down a bit at this age.

At times when you get together at family parties, friends’ birthdays, or even at weddings, it can be a bit annoying to arrive at your destination alone. You see around you that your friends already have children, while you are still alone. In fact, it is at these times that you might have the I’m-alone crisis .

In principle, there are a number of main reasons to link this: either you as a woman want to have children or the internal crisis is caused by social standards. As far as the latter is concerned, we would like to tell you right away not to worry about it so much. Never do things because they are socially desirable or because it ‘should be like that’.

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The ‘are you still single’ question

There is not much wrong with this question, it is just more about the tone that goes with it. If we are talking about a tone of surprise or even a little bit of reproach; well, then it starts to get a bit annoying. Like: “Are you (really?) still single???”. And to top it all off, the question often follows: “But, how old are you?”

Maybe it has happened to you and then you understand the intonation we are talking about. It feels confrontational and that is also the reason why it is not easy as a 30-year-old single.

Anuptaphobia

Many singles encounter it at some point: anuptaphobia . In a very difficult word, it means nothing more than that you have the fear of ending up alone. This fear can arise at any age, but becomes a bit more likely once you are over 30.

The thought that you may never meet your other half or soulmate can lead to a lot of uncertainty. In some cases it even becomes so bad that it leads to a structural problem and that it falls under the heading of a phobia, anuptaphobia.

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Where does this lead?

^{Being single at 30 years} old still leads to a lot of discomfort, a strong feeling of uncertainty, but also of frustration and even fear. We explain it:

• Insecurity: arises because you feel that no one sees anything in you. You wonder why you are still single and why no one sees you? You analyze yourself from head to toe, the words you say, the way you behave, and because of that you go through life in a forced way.
• Frustration:  As the period of being single continues, it can also cause frustration and in the worst case it affects your daily life. You clash with friends, colleagues, family, and especially at the moments when your single life comes up again, it can just explode.
• Fear: Finally, it can also cause a certain fear. This feeling of fear is particularly focused on the long term. You can already see yourself as a lonely elderly person in a nursing home, all alone and no one to count on.

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What can you do about it?

Of course, this immediately takes us a big leap into the future, but fortunately there are a number of things you can do to change this in the short term. And these are also quite simple steps that you can take. For example, you can:

• Dating:  Of course, you need to have a dating partner first, but if you have some difficulty approaching someone because of your insecurity, you can always use online dating apps . It’s a lot less awkward.
• Getting set up:  Are your friends the ones who are constantly rubbing it in your face that you need to find a man or woman? Well, if they are so nagging, let them help you find a partner. Let them set you up with someone for an old-fashioned blind date . The advantage of this is that we are talking about your friends and they know exactly what you are made of.
• Speed ​​dates:  there are more and more speed date sessions and that may feel a bit confrontational, but let’s face it; everyone who participates in a speed date does so for the same reasons as you. And that seems very reassuring to us. So try to feel as comfortable as possible.

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