29 Relationship Tips: Proven Ways for A Long-Lasting Relationship

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As if finding a relationship isn’t hard enough, keeping one is even harder. The sparkling rush you felt at the beginning of the relationship is not permanent. Over time, your feelings change and the relationship takes on a different form. That doesn’t mean the feeling goes away; it changes. It develops into something else.

The sexual excitement gives way to a deep emotional bond. In other words: the bed no longer creaks every day, but the sofa does more and more often. And that is very normal. But with the rut lurking, it is dangerous to get stuck in patterns that are not good for the relationship.

Because the world around you changes, the relationship also changes. You change, your partner, everything changes. Relationships are a work in progress . And while everything turns out differently than you expected, you wonder how the relationship will stand the test of time. How do you keep the relationship good? How do you keep it fun? And what are the best relationship tips to make it work?

Relationships are like… machines

The best relationship tips are actually all about relationship maintenance: how to keep it alive, find time for each other and how to deal with the difficult ups and downs . Just like machines, relationships need maintenance to keep the engine running. Sometimes you replace a part, other times only a service is sufficient and sometimes the engine needs some extra oil.

Now we are not mechanics. And we never know how long the machine will last. But if you maintain the machine properly, you will extend its lifespan. These are 29 relationship tips that will help you keep the relationship engine running.

29 Relationship Tips: Proven Ways for A Long-Lasting Relationship

Communication and talking

We all crave connection. Even when you’re alone, you stay connected to family and friends. It’s a need. But where you are mainly looking for connection is with a partner. The basis of this connection is communication: it is essential for a happy relationship. And that goes beyond asking how your partner’s day was. It’s even more about listening than talking.

1. Stay curious

Who do you give the most attention to? To people who never ask you a question or those who ask you questions all the time? The answer is clear. We always give people who return attention more attention than those who don’t return it. Translate this to your relationship and you will immediately understand why some people are unhappy in their relationships if they do not feel seen or heard. And that can be prevented by staying curious. Give your partner the time and space to express themselves by continuing to ask questions.

2. Keep finding ways to make eye contact

It will not have escaped anyone’s attention that making eye contact does something to you. When we are in love we hope for looks that cross, when we lie we want to avoid them. Eye contact is a powerful weapon to maintain your relationship. Although it is very simple to make eye contact in a relationship, you may not do it as much as you normally would.

According to psychology researcher Barbara Fredrickson, making eye contact produces synchronization. It enables the synchronized release of the cuddle hormone oxytocin, which makes you feel better about yourself and each other. Moreover, research shows that when people are looked at in a pleasant way, they feel more understood and safer, as Michael Ellsberg states in the book ‘ The Power of Eye Contact ‘.

3. Get to know each other’s love language

If you’re not familiar with Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages,” then there’s something you don’t know about love and relationships. In the book, which is more than twenty years old, Chapman shares the concept of the ‘mother tongue’ of love, which he divides into 5 universal love languages. Everyone speaks these love languages, but there is one that appeals to you the most. And if you discover which love language you and your partner ‘speak’, you will find out in which language you can best address each other. The relationship tip? Learn which of the five languages belongs to you:

Positive words
Physical touch
Giving and receiving gifts
Offer help
Time and attention

You give your partner a bouquet of flowers, but he or she would rather spend time with you. Or your partner does everything for you, from ironing your socks to all the housework, but you would like to exchange that for more physical contact. The book teaches you a lot about the mother tongues of love; how you and your partner prefer to receive love. But above all, you learn that everyone wants to feel loved in a different way. And knowing that, you can show love in a way that they really feel it.

4. Agree to disagree

No one is the same. We all have different backgrounds, experiences and therefore different opinions. And that’s a good thing. Although that can clash in a relationship, there is an art to having different opinions and being at peace with them. It makes conflicts so much easier to resolve. Recognizing that your partner has a different opinion is a must if you want to deal with disagreements in a healthy way. If you regularly argue because something has to be done one way, realize that it can also be done differently – even if that is not your choice.

5. Work on fair conflicts

Conflict is natural and occurs in every relationship. Since conflict is inevitable, it is not a matter of avoidance, but of management. Any conflict in a relationship is a sign that there is a need for change. And that is another opportunity for the relationship to grow. Honest disagreements and tips to come out stronger? This is how you deal with conflicts better:

Accept that conflict is part of it .
Stay calm.
Listen actively.
Analyze the disagreement.
Use neutral language.
Separates the person from the problem.
Work together.
Agree to disagree .
Focus on the future.
Distance yourself from the desired outcome.
Share why you want something.
Be creative and specific.

6. Apologize

If you need to apologize, apologize quickly. Don’t do it because you want to stop an argument. Don’t do it because the whining needs to stop. Do it because you realize you were wrong. For most people, a sincere ‘sorry’ is more valuable than ‘winning’ a disagreement. It’s not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength. Acknowledge your mistake, explain it, make it right and say ‘sorry’. It often clears the air quickly.

Psychotherapist Harriet Lerner says in her book Sorry Hear that “I’m sorry” only has meaning if the person who says it does so in a sincere manner. Half-hearted or fake apologies – such as “I’m sorry if I hurt you” – can actually make the pain worse, while truly meaningful expressions of regret can save relationships.

Showing affection

No one can predict the future. But scientists can use affection to predict how satisfied people are with their relationships. No matter how much you love your partner and how often you say it, research shows that you can convey the feeling better by showing it.

7. Surprise each other

Almost everyone likes a positive surprise. Small gifts – of any kind – are always appreciated. The tips are that it does not have to be expensive or original: a bouquet of flowers, chocolate cookies from the bakery, concert tickets or breakfast in bed. Relationship tips are actually unnecessary in this area. Just about anything that lets your partner know that you’ve taken the time and effort to go the extra mile is good for the relationship.

8. Write a love letter

If writing is your thing, love letters are a beautiful way to express your feelings and show your gratitude. And if writing isn’t your thing, do it too. A handwritten letter letting you know how much you love your partner works wonders. Even if you’re not a wordsmith. It is real, when you write from the bottom of your heart. And once you have what you want to say on paper, it will be appreciated so much more than the most expensive gift you’ve ever given.

9. Show your appreciation

We all know how good it feels to nag someone. But even though it makes you feel better at the time, it helps push your partner away from you. Why punish them for doing something wrong when you can reward them for doing something right? The positivity approach always works better. So appreciate your partner when they do something that you are grateful for. Behavior that is rewarded is repeated more quickly.

Text your partner to remind them how much you love him or her.
Place post-it notes with compliments all over the house for your partner to find.

10. Try micro dating

We are all busy. Deadlines, careers and up-to-date social media profiles simply require a lot of energy. To maintain a relationship is sometimes not easy at all. And once children come into play, arranging and planning quality time brings more stress than it can ever eliminate. And while quality time is meant to be a pleasure and not a burden. The solution? Micro dating: an alternative to the traditional date night. It is the habit of enjoying the little moments in the relationship more and being aware of them.

Micro-dating is a method to maintain intimacy and romance in a ‘busy’ relationship. No date nights , but recognizing and appreciating the little moments that already exist in your relationship. And looking for opportunities to create more of these moments. Even if the time is not available, there are moments you can seize for a fragment of quality time : a hand on the back, a kiss on the cheek or a hug at 3 am. Small moments that add up to make a difference, because the whole is more than the sum of its parts.

11. Don’t say it, show your love

Saying “I love you” has much less meaning than showing your love for someone. You don’t even have to say the four magical words of love to show how much someone means to you. Actions speak even louder than words. Without saying it, you can show that you care about your partner in several ways:

Cook a favorite meal when your partner has had a bad day.
Wait for your partner when you get home from work.
App a sincere compliment out of nowhere.
Give an unplanned and unexpected hug.
Ask your partner for advice.
Try to predict what your partner wants before they even know they want something.

12. Touch each other

As humans, we long for touch . And in relationships, touching and being touched is even more important, because this form of showing affection helps with bonding. Physical affection releases feel-good hormones that provide a calming feeling. That’s also why hugging, holding hands and touching feels so good, because it increases oxytocin levels. Oxytocin, also known as the ‘ cuddle hormone ‘, is released during sex but also as a result of touch, as research shows .

Never leave the house without giving a kiss.
Focus on the quality of the intimacy you share with your partner.
Do some research on how to spice up the action in the bedroom.

13. Respond positively to positive experiences

Reacting excitedly when your partner shares something with you can have a big impact on your relationship. They also call this positive feedback on experiences ‘capitalization’. In 2014, American TheCut called this ‘the most important relationship concept you’ve never heard of’. Of course the headline is a bit exaggerated, but according to research, capitalization is better for a relationship than offering support during negative events. So, the next time your loved one shares a personal success, remember that a “Congratulations!” is more important than you might think.

Prevent breakage

A professor named Ogolsky , an assistant professor at the University of Illinois, has dedicated his career to understanding the positive sides of relationships. For example, he conducted a major study into the secret ingredient of successful relationships. What makes relationships successful? Ogolsky and his team examined and analyzed all studies published since 1950 – more than 1,100 – that were somewhat related to relationships between people.

During this thorough analysis, he and his team identified the most common strategies and techniques couples use to stay together. So they did not so much look at the reasons why people break up, but mainly at how people stay together. They came to a clear conclusion. People in successful relationships use techniques to prevent a breakup, but also techniques that improve the relationship.

14. Idealize the partner and relationship

People in the longest relationships idealize their partner (or relationship) and believe that what they have is special. They imagine the relationship as if it were an ideal relationship . Better than it actually is. They have the illusion that it is an above-average happy relationship. And when it comes to the partner, he or she is prettier, nicer or more attractive than others. Idealizing your partner makes the relationship stronger, especially if both do this.

Reminisce about the good times.
Tell others how good your partner is.
Realize that the grass is not greener on the other side.
Be happy and satisfied with what you have.

15. Ignoring the alternatives

When people are in a relationship, they often pay little or no attention to others. “I already have a friend, so I don’t have to look at others anymore.” They tell themselves that other people are uglier (or less attractive) than their own partner. Others simply try to eliminate interest altogether. And that works. The relationship tip? That ignoring alternatives has a positive impact on the relationship and helps prevent a breakup.

16. Avoid arguments, not conflicts

Couples who want to stay together must find a solution to their differences and disagreements . Whether this is achieved by reaching a compromise, accommodating the other person or by apologizing. If you avoid conflict or refuse to reach a resolution, you are less likely to stay together.

Keep your partner’s secrets – no matter how small they are.
Never share private information with your others.
Start with a compliment before sharing your opinion.
Don’t worry about trivial things.
Wait to respond when you are angry.
Don’t try to change your partner.
Take responsibility for your actions.

17. Forgive

For a relationship to succeed, it is necessary to be able to forgive each other. Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. But what we can’t all do is forgive each other for the mistakes we make. And that is often necessary in a permanent relationship. Forgiving mistakes is the standard recipe for most romantic comedy scripts, but in the background there is a grain of hard truth. Relationships in which you can forgive each other are stronger. And that gives you a greater chance of a shared future.

18. Interpret partner behavior positively

Have you ever been in a relationship where you couldn’t do anything right? While you did your best to show the best version of yourself? In an unhappy relationship it often happens that you can never do anything right in the eyes of your partner. All your well-intentioned behavior is interpreted negatively. Obviously that is not conducive to your relationship.

What is beneficial for the relationship is the opposite: interpreting all your partner’s behavior positively, according to Ogolvy’s research. The people who always look on the bright side when their partner does something ‘wrong’ have a point.

Giving each other the benefit of the doubt helps prevent a breakup. Is your partner doing something crazy? It was not sincere, unintentional or a (harmless) joke; their partner’s behavior is perceived positively. Partners are more often given the benefit of the doubt, so the chance of a breakup is smaller.

19. Help each other

If you help each other frequently, this leads to mutual dependence. You have to rely on each other, which scientists call ‘facilitation’. For example, you can help your partner make plans, complete tasks, or achieve goals. This way you help your partner meet his or her physical or emotional needs and vice versa.

Maintain good relationships with each other’s friends.
Give each other space to spend quality time with others.
Support your partner to make dreams come true.
Ask for your partner’s support if you need it.
Don’t give unsolicited advice to your partner.
Show compassion.

20. Relieve each other’s stress

“Sit down for a moment and tell me what you’re so worried about.” As a partner you can help each other to reduce stress. Whether it concerns financial problems, unemployment or a conflict with a colleague; you can make it easier for your partner by talking about it and possibly taking action. Reducing each other’s stress is a proven technique to last longer.

Pay attention to the little things that bother your partner.
Make sure the finances are in order (for both).
Allow your partner to help you.

21. Sacrifice

Relationships require sacrifices. Not only the sacrifice of your free time to be with others, but also advanced sacrifices of your deepest desires and dreams. A lifelong relationship means you have to be willing to sacrifice something valuable about yourself. What exactly that is varies per person.

You renounce self-interest and activities; you sacrifice yourself for your partner. This is an important aspect in maintaining a relationship . But it has to come from both sides; a balance is needed to make it work.

Improve relationship

After analyzing more than a thousand individual studies, Professor Ogolsky found that couples who stay together are more likely to seek ways to improve their relationship. Not only do people in long-term relationships use techniques to prevent a breakup, but also techniques that improve the relationship . Ogolsky’s relationship tip: see how you can improve your relationship. He himself discovered a number of striking ways to improve the relationship that were often repeated in all the studies he looked at.

22. Praying for your spouse

As someone who doesn’t believe, praying for your partner may be going a bit too far. But because more than half of Dutch people say they pray, research shows, it can help if you also do the same for your partner. Several studies show that praying for your partner can help the relationship. In addition to the supernatural explanation that prayer helps, prayer can work in the same way as mindfulness. And if you never pray, it can help to think about your partner with your full attention.

We > me

23. Thinking in the form of us

Do you navigate through life in the I-form or in the we-form? There is a difference in the pronouns you use. The couple using ‘I’ operates as two different people who “happen” to be in a relationship. The ‘us’ couples form a team. Which of the two couples do you think is more likely to succeed?

A 2010 University of California study showed that couples who used words like “we,” “our” and “us” showed less stress and had more positive attitudes toward each other. People who rely on the relationship – and not on themselves – last longer together.

24. Be generous

Vacuum your partner’s car when you have some free time. Taking a job that your partner would do (but didn’t have time for) for his or her own account. Or just give your partner a homemade gift out of the blue. All the generous things you do for your partner help the relationship. It doesn’t even have to cost money or a lot of time; every random act of kindness towards your partner counts. And don’t expect anything in return.

25. Show gratitude

How often do you thank your partner when he or she has prepared dinner? Or when your clothes are clean again in the closet? Ironed and ready to wear? It’s easy to take all that for granted when this is the standard routine. But it helps the relationship so much if you show your gratitude again and again.

Gratitude is also known as the showpiece of positive psychology. You probably immediately think that gratitude makes your partner feel better, but research has shown that gratitude does more than that: it actually improves the relationship for both parties.

According to psychologist Sara Algoe, gratitude serves to strengthen our relationships with others. Being grateful helps you get closer to others, studies show . When people are grateful for something someone has done for them, they are more motivated to build a relationship with that person.

26. Do fun things together

It comes as no surprise, but doing fun things together is crucial if you want the relationship to last. Days away, outings, trips, holidays: they help to improve communication, define roles and increase satisfaction in the relationship. Partners who do things together become more closely connected and can therefore enjoy each other’s company. That’s because shared experiences give you something in common; it helps you feel good about each other.

27. Talking about the relationship

Couples who have inexplicably been together for many years talk a lot about their relationship. How are you? What can be done better? What else do they want to achieve? And are the needs met? Couples who regularly and periodically reflect on the state of the relationship last longer. They discuss how things are going, what they can improve about the relationship, where they are going and what the problems are.

28. Make time for each other

Talk freely to each other about the relationship? This is only possible if you make time for each other, so that you can have a conversation calmly and with attention. This relationship tip is not that difficult, but it is difficult for couples who have become stuck in certain patterns. These patterns hinder a relationship in which you pay each other attention. So make time for each other.

For example, when you come home from work, you don’t eat alone on the couch, but you wait for each other so that you can eat together. In the evening you don’t lie stretched out on the couch with your smartphone in your hand, but you both put the phone away to make time for each other. Time to pay attention to each other.

29. Use humor

People who are funny in the right way can maintain their relationships. Humor that you use to reduce stress helps the relationship. And you can also alleviate a stressful situation by approaching it with a joke. It helps the relationship because it is beneficial for both in the relationship.

Plus, it can help you get a better sense of each other’s humor style: the humor category you enjoy. According to a study from the University of Kansas, couples who share the same sense of humor stay together longer. Not surprising, but good to know.

Despite the love for a different form of humor, you can still stay together forever. There are so many different types of humor that a shared sense of humor can always be found. Of all the categories – such as funny anecdotes, dry humor, and self-mockery – there is always one humor style that matches what your partner likes.

Inside jokes

A special role is reserved for the inside joke : the private joke that you only understand if you are familiar with the underlying situation. When you and your partner make jokes that only you understand, you are affirming the relationship. According to another study from the University of Kansas, published in the journal Personal Relationships, inside jokes help strengthen relationships. And that also applies to teasing and teasing , as the results show. The scientists have no doubt: couples who laugh together stay together.

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