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Getting married is still the norm, but certainly not everyone wants to tie the knot. There are many reasons to get married or not to get married. It is entirely possible to love someone dearly, but not want to marry him or her. How is that possible?
Getting married just can’t be your thing. Committing yourself to one person forever can be a deterrent. Or it may not fit your beliefs, because you mainly see it as a financial obligation. This does not immediately mean that you love your partner less. The choice to get married is about more than just love.
Despite the addition of same-sex marriage in 2001, the marriage rate in the Netherlands has fallen since 2000 . Why? The Dutch have their reasons for this. These are 19 reasons why people do and don’t want to get married.
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8 reasons why people want to get married
1. Love
Love is of course the biggest reason why people want to marry each other. No relationship or marriage will survive without love. When you love someone, you want to spend every day with them. By marrying someone you make the promise to be together for the rest of your life. Yet love is not the only ingredient for a successful marriage .
According to a large-scale American study from 2019, love is the main reason for getting married for 90% of people. Of those who live together, 73% indicate that love was the motive for their decision to move in together.
2. Company
The idea of marriage is that one person joins another. With mutual approval you decide to live together in love and harmony. By getting married you are assured of a companion for the rest of your life. Your best friend with whom you tackle life together; guaranteed company during both the peaks and the valleys.
3. Finances
Another crucial reason why many prefer to get married rather than remain single is because of financial convenience. As a single person, you have to bear all the financial burdens alone – without outside help. However, marriage takes most of the burden off your shoulders. Not only do you share your life, space and bed with your partner, but you also share the financial burden with each other.
4. Family wish
There are of course plenty of women and men who raise a child independently, but many people still choose marriage with the idea of starting a family afterwards. This way, the child receives more than enough love and support from both parents. Of course, this can also be done without getting married, but according to many, there is only really a family if everyone has the same surname.
5. Dream
Young girls grow up with fantasies about the fairytale wedding. Fall in love, experience romance and a beautiful wedding with cute bridesmaids. For many women, getting married is an end goal; something they really want to achieve in life. Getting married is a dream come true for them. For many, the wedding party with friends and family is an important part of the choice to get married .
6. Standard
Marriage is the default. So some people don’t even think about not getting married; for them there is no choice, because it is normal that you marry your loved one. If both or one of them has a religious background, there is a good chance that getting married is simply part of it. Perhaps it is even obligatory to marry based on religion.
7. Rights
When you get married you can use your partner’s surname. But that’s not the only advantage of getting married. You also automatically become each other’s legal heir and in the event of death you are eligible for the survivor’s pension. These and other legal benefits of marriage are the reason many couples get married.
8. The other
Some people do not marry out of love, for legal benefits or out of faith. For them it is very simple: because the other person wants it. A lasting relationship consists of concessions and compromises. Doing something for each other is part of that. For example: if your partner really wants to get married, but you have no opinion about marriage and don’t feel the need. When you please your partner, you are also doing yourself a favor.
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11 reasons why people don’t want to get married
1. Freedom
Many people like to hold on to their freedom a little longer. Maybe forever. The thought of getting married is not always nice and rosy, as most people make it seem. The fact that you have to spend your entire life with one person can also seem suffocating and scary. In addition, there are also certain things that end once you are married and possibly have children. You can no longer sleep in, you can no longer go out every night and have sex with others. Not everyone is suitable for these obligations and therefore prefers to remain single .
2. Bad previous experiences
One of the main reasons why some people don’t want to get married is because of bad experiences in the past. For example, someone in a marriage may have had to deal with verbal or physical violence, a partner who has cheated or has been disappointed in some other way. Even if you have been married before and have gone through a divorce, the idea of a second marriage can be disgusting. Hope in love can be seriously damaged and people no longer believe in marriage. Because, why should things be going well now?
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3. Discouragement from married people
As important as it is to seek advice from already married people about marriage, you will find that not all experiences are positive. Sometimes getting advice from people who aren’t doing so well in their marriages can have a discouraging effect on your ideas about marriage. And that can cause you to associate marriage with an unhappy life.
4. No trust in partner
Bad unhealthy relationships in the past can mean that you find it difficult to trust people. This lack of trust makes it difficult to enter into a serious relationship with someone else. The negative experiences make it difficult for you to trust others. And a relationship, especially a marriage, cannot survive without mutual trust.
5. No partner needed
Many men and women would rather not have a relationship at all. They don’t want to get married because then they have to have a partner. They have a great life alone, without being dependent on anyone else . They don’t need anyone and would rather escape the potential drama and heartache that a relationship or marriage can bring.
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6. Save costs
As you could already read, a marriage can be cost-saving, because you share all the financial burdens with each other. But staying single all your life can also save you a lot of money. You do not have to buy a larger house and you do not have to spend money on the costs of the wedding party and notarial obligations. And the costs of a wedding can really add up.
7. Negative perception
There are many people who do not agree with marriage as it is now. They do not believe in the concept of monogamy in marriage. For them, this is an unrealistic ideology that will fail in the long run. For them it is unnatural to commit yourself to one and the same person forever.
8. Career
Are you a real career tiger who does everything he can to get to the top and achieve certain goals? Then getting married can be an unwanted distraction from your goals. You would rather choose to remain single to have enough time and dedication to your career. This is because starting a family requires a lot of dedication and effort; you must be emotionally and physically available for your partner and any children.
9. Not the right person
Meeting the right person is very important for wanting to get married . You may have wanted to get married from an early age, but until you meet the person with whom you really envision your life, you will never really want to get married.
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10. Fear
Many women and men dream of the day they get married. In a beautiful dress or suit. In a beautiful location with all your friends and family. Some people can see themselves walking all the way down the aisle. Yet there are many people who despise this holiday and shudder at the idea of declaring love with so many people around you. Getting married is not everyone’s cup of tea and fortunately it doesn’t have to be.
11. Family background
Some people grew up in an unhealthy family situation and this can have a huge impact on the image of a marriage. For example, you may have seen one of your parents abuse the other or a father who was never present. In addition, as a child you may also have to deal with a divorce or a parent who abandoned the family. Your family background and past can make it difficult to believe in marriage.
How do you tell your partner that you don’t want to get married?
Do you not want to get married and do you recognize yourself in one or more of the reasons given in the text? Then it can be difficult to tell and express this to your partner. Be clear about your reasons for not wanting to get married, because your reasons for not wanting to get married may be unfounded. Whatever you do, make sure you explain it clearly and give your partner time to process it.
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