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A first date is an exciting affair. It is tricky , because what can you expect from the first meeting? And more importantly: does your date look like the pictures? Because of all these uncertain factors, the first date is a real challenge that is characterized by tension, nervousness and excitement. And these make a first date more difficult than it is.
How difficult can a date between two people be? Although people meet new people every day, a date turns out to be of a completely different caliber. Experience shows that it is far from easy. It is difficult. And that is especially true if you are guilty of the typical mistakes that people make on a first date.
Because not everyone knows how to date etiquette and many singles aren’t themselves on a date, it can sometimes feel like everyone is just winging it. Sometimes these dates are doomed from the start, while others hit bumps in the road because of the mistakes you make. Here are 15 common mistakes people make on first dates.
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1. Talking too much or too little
Some people are unstoppable once they have started. Sure, it could be nerves, but it is quickly experienced as narcissism. Conversely, there are also singles who become silent, just nod and say nothing themselves. For both, it is not ideal during a first date.
If you know that you talk a lot when you are nervous, think of a few questions you want to ask the other person in advance. By asking questions, you prevent yourself from talking all the time and having a monologue. Do you still want to say something? Then first take a deep breath and count to ten, so that the other person has time to finish the sentence or start a new sentence.
2. Only talking about yourself
What’s even worse than talking a lot? Talking a lot about yourself. If there’s one thing people – in general – hate, it’s people who only talk about themselves. Please don’t do that . This behavior makes you seem completely uninterested in the listener, and even if you do ask a question, it comes across as superficial politeness – especially since you probably rarely wait for the answer or take the time to listen to the end. So don’t put the spotlight on yourself on the first date, but mainly on the other person.
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3. Assume the disaster scenario
First dates can be incredibly awkward. They can be disappointing. Your match can be a no-show. Or a no-show. We all know someone with a bizarre dating story. But thinking it’s going to go wrong is not the energy you want to go into a first date with. Because if you think it’s not going to go well, it won’t go well – it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
4. Worrying about scenarios
Even though the date isn’t until Friday, you’ve already thought through all the scenarios. You’ve arranged a back-up car, picked your dishes from the menu, and in the meantime, you’ve also planned your route to the toilet. No one will judge you for your thorough preparation, but sometimes life doesn’t go as planned. What do you do when one small detail throws your entire planning into disarray?
A common mistake singles make is to plan everything down to the last detail. From lists of questions they want to ask to the way they want to greet each other: everything has already been thought through. But this hopeless worrying about scenarios is actually counterproductive. It makes the date unnatural, while it is better to just let it all happen.
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5. Being rude
No matter how courteous you are to your date, if you boss around and insult the restaurant staff, you will still leave a bad impression. If the worst part of your personality comes out on a first date, how will you react during a disagreement with your partner? Behave like a gentleman (or woman) on a first date. Pay attention to your table manners when you go out to eat, thank your date when you receive a compliment, but also treat everyone else respectfully.
6. Talking about a shared future
A future together? It’s something for later, not a topic for the first date . A first date is way too early to talk about the flowers at your wedding. The first date is meant to get to know each other – nothing more. You can talk about your own future, about the other person’s future, but not about what your future together is.
7. Being difficult about money
If the man has suggested the first date, it is an unwritten rule that the man pays. If you do not want this as a man, it is polite to indicate this in advance. Women are increasingly willing to split these days, but not all women expect to have to contribute to the costs of the date – especially not if she has been asked.
By making a fuss about paying the bill, a first date with potential can still end in disaster. So make sure it is clear who is paying the bill for the date . And if it is unclear: be prepared to pay for the date only.
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8. Don’t let the date end
Recent research has shown that a third of singles stay longer on a date than they actually want to. In many of these situations, there is a conversation partner who does not realize that the other person would like to leave. But because they think it is rude to leave, they stick around. To avoid such situations, it is wise to have a short first date. Anything is better than a date that lasts forever.
9. Talking about debatable topics
For 12% of singles, it falls under the heading of date misery : a date that only talks about an ex. Although there are many more topics that do not belong on a date, mentioning an ex counts doubly. Yes, you can talk about previous relationships. But then in general terms. We do not need to know that your ex is called Kim or Peter.
10. Being late
It’s not hard to be on time. But many people still manage to make a terrible first impression by arriving late. In most cases, the other person will be waiting outside the restaurant or cafe for a while, thinking about the possibility that you might not show up at all. In other words, it almost guarantees that the other person will start the date irritated. If it absolutely cannot be avoided, keep the other person updated with texts, apologize, and apologize again when you arrive.
11. Ignoring your appearance
Your appearance is one of the most important aspects of a first date. You don’t have to look like a model, but your appearance is taken into account. Research shows that singles are most put off by an unkempt appearance. Stained clothing, dirty nails, un-ironed blouses and shirts, sweat odors: they largely determine the (bad) first impression you leave. In short, show that you have made some effort to look good – it will be noticed.
12. Not showing interest
This one comes awfully close to “talking only about yourself,” but it deserves its own mention. Not showing interest in your date is a deadly sin. If you don’t ask your date any questions, they’ll assume you’re not interested. And once they notice that you’re not showing any interest, they’ll immediately lose interest in you.
13. Excessive drinking
A drink or two is fine, but when it gets to be “excessive” it’s not. Make sure you stay in control. Getting drunk on a first date doesn’t make a good impression unless your date gets just as drunk as you do. Just remember that most stable relationships don’t start this way. So whatever you do, don’t drink too much on your first date.
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14. Check phone
Stick to this one rule: no phone use during your date. Many singles find it incredibly annoying to be constantly distracted by your phone. It even gives the impression that you are bored during your date – not the image you want to give off. If you have to check your phone, apologize first, explain why you have to do it and do it quickly. Or better yet, excuse yourself to the bathroom and do it there.
15. Expecting a romantic fairy tale
Where many singles make the mistake is that they expect it to be perfect. Their date will be just as attractive as in the photos. The conversation will flow even more smoothly than on the dating app. And they expect to be overwhelmed with trembling knees by the attraction of the other. When it finally happens, they are disappointed, because in real life it is a bit disappointing.
Thinking it will be perfect is a mistake many make on a first date. If you feel like anything less than perfection will be a huge disappointment, you are taking it too seriously. Because let’s face it: are you perfect?
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