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Admittedly, it can be quite stressful to keep your relationship on track. As soon as the feelings of falling in love diminish and ‘loving’ becomes apparent, it takes more and more effort to keep the relationship exciting and challenging. But it’s not just stress from the relationship itself that causes problems, stress from the outside world can also affect your relationship.
When we come home after a long day at work, we sometimes forget to switch off work stress. Hey, it’s okay, it happens to all of us. Even happy and healthy relationships cannot escape the well-known relationship vicissitudes .
What is relationship stress?
Relationship stress is the stress you experience in your relationship. It is a form of stress that can arise from internal and external circumstances. We often unconsciously bring external stress into our relationship. Problems at work or a conflict with family and/or friends are all potential culprits. But internal causes, such as arguments, differences in needs or feeling neglected, can certainly take their toll on the relationship.
Some stressors are unavoidable. Consider, for example, stress related to money, one of the most important sources of stress in a relationship. Other forms of stress in a relationship can be prevented. At least, not completely.
For their The Happiness Index, dating site eHarmony conducted research into happiness in relationships. The 2,084 respondents aged 18 and over were asked not only what made them happy (or not happy) in their relationships, but also what things caused the most stress in their lives.
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15 stressors
Although there are numerous stressors, the study showed that there are 15 common factors that cause relationship stress. The American publication Bustle has listed them for you. Do you also want to know which ones they are? These are the things that cause the most stress in relationships.
15. Political issues
We live in a very politically charged society. It is therefore not surprising that arguments over political issues can create stress within the relationship. Even if you believe in the same political values together, you can pick up the stress of the political outside world and carry it into your relationship.
14. Adultery
A cheating partner naturally creates more uncertainty and fear in the relationship. Even if it is not discovered, it will negatively impact the relationship. Naturally, this will cause much more relationship stress in the long run.
13. Premature ejaculation
Premature ejaculation can be a factor that causes relationship stress. But for the sake of the relationship, you can work on it. While it may not be completely resolved, talking to a sex therapist or sexologist may be able to help. And practicing certain techniques can do wonders.
12. P o rnography
Do you watch a lot of porn and your partner doesn’t like it? Watching too much por nography can be seen as a major stressor in the relationship. Still, some relationships may benefit from watching porn together. For example, according to research , couples who watch porn together have better relationship quality than those who don’t.
11. The arrival of a baby
After having a baby, couples face sleepless nights and a shift in priorities. Being woken up three times every night for a bottle? Broken nights are not good for your mood. Having a child causes extra fatigue and subsequently more stress within the relationship.
10. Orgasm problems
Although you don’t necessarily have to climax all the time to have a satisfying sex life, many see the lack of orgasm as a factor that causes stress in the relationship. It can cause stress on both the man’s and the woman’s side.
9. Stress in children
Children are often seen by parents as a major source of stress. However, studies show that parenting stress causes more negative emotions in children. The parents then take over this stress again, which could deteriorate the quality of the relationship.
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8. Erection problems
Although the medical community now has a cure for erection problems, erectile dysfunction is considered a major source of relationship stress. Simply put, the man doesn’t feel capable, the woman doesn’t have her needs met. Erection problems can cause stress for both parties.
7. A boring sex life
Boring sex is one of the most common sources of stress in a relationship. It’s what no one wants, but boring sex is still very normal . With a little creativity you can easily make your sex life more exciting.
6. Health problems
Health problems can at some point take their toll and cause stress. In both the short and long term, health problems are seen by many as the most important stressor in the relationship.
5. Morning birds vs. night owls
According to some, the real cause of stress is the fact that one partner is a morning person and the other is a night person. According to 20 percent of respondents, this is the real cause of stress in their relationship.
4. Money matters
Money as the most stressful factor is in the top four things that cause the most stress in a relationship. This is not just about the lack of money, but also the disagreement about money management. For example, research shows that a financially dependent man is more likely to cheat than a man who is the breadwinner.
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3. Sexual problems
While low libido can be caused by a multitude of things, from medications to health, stress, and body insecurities, there are ways it can be worked on. For example, by using therapy to get to the source of the problem.
2. ‘Being too tired for sex’
In the top two most common causes of relationship stress is the common excuse: too tired for sex. If this is happening in your relationship, and you think something else is going on, the best thing you can do is have an open and honest conversation about it.
1. Stress at work
Number one is: work stress. Stress in the workplace causes the most stress in relationships. Work pressure, but especially rudeness from colleagues, largely determines someone’s work situation. Stress at work is caused by your work situation as well as other external factors. When you bring work stress home with you, your relationship can become strained.
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How does stress affect your relationship?
People often keep their stress inside, don’t talk about it and don’t address the stressor. Their partner does not understand what the other is going through and therefore cannot provide support. Furthermore, if left unaddressed, stress can create an unhealthy dynamic where partners take on each other’s stress. Stress is, as it were, contagious.
For example, when your partner is tense, you automatically adopt that feeling. You may feel exhausted during an argument just because you’ve been absorbing each other’s stress. You end up in a negative spiral where more exhaustion causes a unclear mind. It is then difficult to see the underlying problem.
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Change places
Partners who stay in one place during an argument are more likely to feel like they are not working toward some kind of closure to the argument. Therefore, try to stop the discussion by, for example, going outside together. For example, taking a walk outdoors together can do wonders. Changing places allows you to catch your breath and look at things again. It takes the pressure off both, making you open up more.
Furthermore, the change in word choice from ‘you’ to ‘I’ has been shown to cause less stress for the partner. Often by using ‘you’ we give the impression that it is the other person’s fault. By using ‘I’ more you indicate how you feel, which will cause the partner to show more understanding.
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