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First dates. We could write a book about them. In the simplest terms, they’re like job interviews. But instead of selling your professional skills to a company rep, on a first date you’re selling your personality. In this romantic situation, it’s not so much about what you’ve done, but more about what you have to offer at that moment.
Instead of presenting yourself as a good leader who is stress-resistant and flexible, you hope to come across as interesting and attractive on a first date. Not because you want to get a job, but the heart of your conversation partner. And that requires a completely different approach, because on a first date the questions come from both sides.
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14 Things You Should Never Do on a First Date
It is tempting to take the date as it comes, because it will be more ‘natural’, but that puts you at greater risk of failing – doing something you are not supposed to do on a date. Without proper preparation, you will deliver half-heartedly and that is exactly what you should not want on a first date . That is why we are now telling you about the fourteen things you should never do on a first date.
1. Texting and calling
Constantly checking your phone, texting, and calling are the number one sin on a first date. It’s rude and bad manners. Unfortunately, many singles ruin their first dates by getting caught up in their phones, while the other person is disappointed by the lack of attention. If using your phone while you’re with others has become a sort of reflex, then this is a habit you need to break before you go on a date.
2. Arriving late
It is never polite to make someone wait because you are late. But on a first date it is rather rude considering the situation. Since there are no second chances to make a good first impression, here is the advice: never be late for a first date. Make sure you plan your schedule and route so that you are at the right location at the agreed time – and preferably a bit earlier.
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3. Being under- or overdressed
Some women overdo it with their clothing and style by dressing up completely, even though it doesn’t fit the situation at all. She thinks it will ‘impress’ the man, but when everyone is in jeans and she is in a ball gown, high heels and the perfect smokey eyes ? Then you know it’s too much. Others think that casual is always good, which makes them underdressed because they don’t take the location into account.
The best advice you can get regarding first date fashion: dress to impress , as long as it fits what you’re going to do.
4. Bragging
Confidence is considered a very attractive trait. Bragging about your accomplishments is not. You may be proud of what you have accomplished, but it is a mistake to convince your conversation partner how great you are. If you brag about yourself to make yourself look good on a date, you will get the opposite reaction . Remember that modesty is much more appreciated than bragging.
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5. Talking about your ex
It’s perfectly normal to talk about the number of relationships you’ve had and how long they lasted . What’s not normal is bringing up your ex’s name and bringing it up repeatedly. Remember, a first date is the start of something new, it’s not meant to be a conversation about what used to be. Another thing you definitely shouldn’t do or say is compare your date to your ex.
6. Dominating the conversation
Conversation is a two-way street. There needs to be a balance that makes both feel heard and not left out. Now, nerves can make you want to keep talking, but remember to give the other person space too. Remind yourself to pause and listen. Don’t just talk about yourself and ask questions about the other person. Dominating the conversation is never a good thing on a first date.
7. Disrespectful behavior
Most people don’t intentionally disrespect others, but they do. They don’t realize it. Think of rolling your eyes when the waiter makes a small mistake or commenting on the weight of a passerby: these are the ‘small’ things you should never do on a date. How you treat others tells your date a lot about how you will treat him or her. To avoid unconsciously disrespectful behavior, it’s a good idea to avoid controversial topics.
8. Unsolicited advice
Giving suggestions on what you think the other person should do? And even if the other person hasn’t asked for your advice? Don’t do it, don’t give unsolicited advice. If the other person is talking about a busy life with work challenges and academic commitments, don’t start talking about effective time management and how you would approach it.
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9. Getting Ahead of the Game
It’s okay to be excited about meeting up again. It’s also okay to get that feeling within the first five minutes. However, it’s not okay to make this known right away and ask for a second date . Just because you’re optimistic about a potential future together doesn’t necessarily mean the other person shares that feeling.
10. Getting too personal
A first date is nothing more than a simple meeting to get a preview of the person you are meeting. It is not the time to go into depth and get too personal. Whether it is about the salary that is deposited into the bank account every month or the father-child relationship that may be the cause of his or her turbulent relationship history: it is none of your business .
11. Drinking too much
While you may find it helpful to drink alcohol as a way to loosen up while reducing date anxiety, drinking too much can actually have the opposite effect. As a rule of thumb, don’t drink before your date and limit yourself to one or two drinks max on the date itself. Too much alcohol can negatively impact your attention span, temperament, and memory. All of which makes it harder to fully concentrate on the person you’re meeting with, the conversation, and your surroundings in general.
12. Not listening
Just as being distracted can be a turn-off, not listening to your date can have the same effect. Conversation isn’t about waiting for your turn to talk. It’s about talking and listening to what the other person is saying to you. So don’t formulate that new sentence while the other person is talking, because that will distract you from what you should be hearing. If you do, without paying attention to what is being said to you, it won’t be long before your date realizes that you’re ignoring their input.
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13. Assume the best or worst case scenario
First dates can be terrible, but they can also be great. They can be disappointing, they can be better than expected. What you shouldn’t do is assume the best or worst case scenario, because that creates the wrong expectations . If you think it won’t go well, it won’t go well. If you expect only the best, you can expect it to be disappointing.
14. Assuming the other person will pay
Even if you are adamant that the other person should pay, for example because you were asked to go on the date, it is a mistake to assume that they will. Especially on a first date, you are expected to at least offer to pay , even if it is not asked. If you offer to pay or split, be prepared to actually pay or split.
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